Cal's Sausage Fest AAR

[Caliga]

Ok, so this weekend we went up to Cleveland and met my parents there, who drove over from Philadelphia.  My mom has for years obsessed over the idea of going to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, so we finally gave in to her whining and agreed to go.

PART I: CLEVELAND
On a barfometer scale of 1 to 10, Cleveland gets 9 barfs.  It's probably the crappiest city I've ever been to, but it's crappy in a very odd way.  The downtown district looks pretty sparkling and new, but there's nobody there but aggressive panhandlers and tons of this newish-looking shit is actually boarded up.  After we got done at the Rock Hall Princesca and I decided to wander into the city to try to find a place to eat, and walked for over an hour and could not find one single fucking restaurant and in fact barely any signs of life at all.  The few people we saw were invariably of the chocolate persuasion and looked lean and hungry.  I had googled around looking for a place that sold the famous Polish Boy (don't get excited Mart, it's a sammich not a rentboy ) and found one about five blocks from the hotel.  We walked there only to discover it was boarded up.  Right in front of the abandoned storefront was a group of men loading trash bags into an ice cream truck, so we thought maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea to investigate further.

We finally wandered into a gyro shop run by an old Turkish woman who seemed shocked to see any other living humans, and she agreed to make us gyros... which took a while since she hadn't even bothered to switch her oven on.  They actually turned out to be pretty good.  We asked her where we could get a Polish Boy and she said "Why you want eat this... they sell on truck and trucks dirty?  I make you more gyro you can take with!"  We politely declined and wandered through the post-apocalyptic wasteland to the hotel.

That night I found a Polish Boy place with rave reviews on google and convinced my dad to drive us there.  But we got there and discovered it was a fucking parking lot and realized based on the sandwich board there that, indeed, the 'best polish boy in Cleveland' was served from a lunch truck that likes to park in the lot of a furniture warehouse.   It was Saturday night so he wasn't there, of course.

So I go back to furious googling and discover that the place we went to earlier in the day that was boarded up actually had moved to a new location in the Cleveland suburb of Lyndhurst, so my annoyed dad agrees to try that, but makes me agree that we're getting Taco Bell if that doesn't work out.

Fortunately, it DID work out:

[Caliga]

Freddie's Rib House did in fact serve the Polish Boy, along with the Polish Girl and alot of other assorted soul food like ribs and chicken.  So I finally had my Polish Boy, and as I mentioned in the 'What are you eating?' thread, this turned out to be THE GREATEST SANDWICH OF ALL TIME.

Here's how this masterpiece is made: you take a spicy smoked kielbasa and grill it till it's black on the outside, and then dip it into a deep fryer until the skin is crispy.  The kielbasa is then stuffed into an oversized bun, topped with hot barbecue sauce, then with cole slaw, and then with french fries.  The Polish Girl also gets smoked pulled pork thrown on top of all that.  I decided I didn't want to have a heart attack right then and there so I just got the Boy.

[Caliga]

Here it is after I had devoured most of it and rendered my pants a dairy factory:

[Ed Anger]

I do love these AAR's. 

[Caliga]

I need to go water my orchard but when I return I'll put up PART II: SAUSAGE IN COLUMBUS.

[11B4V]

Looks like awesomely disgusting great tasting food.

[Ed Anger]

Looks like awesomely disgusting great tasting food.

Look up the Rutgers food trucks. Disgustingly awesome. 

[sbr]

men loading trash bags into an ice cream truck, so we thought maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea to investigate further.

  Good call.

[OttoVonBismarck]

I spent a week in Cleveland once and yes, it's a fucking wasteland. I never even heard of the Polish Boy the whole time I was there, but it's just the kind of trash I like to try.

There were two decent restaurants in Cleveland that I ate at, there's an Italian place just north and across from the Indians baseball field, and then there's a Hyde Park steak house (which I think is a chain with a few locations in the mid-west, but they have good steak.)

[CountDeMoney]

Shit, even I knew 20 years ago when we had season tickets for the Browns to never expect to find anything decent downtown. 
Find Euclid Avenue, go east, and don't stop until you get past the Dazzling Urbanites at Cleveland State and start seeing signs for CWRU.

[CountDeMoney]

I need to go water my orchard but when I return I'll put up PART II: SAUSAGE IN COLUMBUS.

Schmidt's Sausage Haus.  End of story.  Fin.

[sbr]

Shit, even I knew 20 years ago when we had season tickets for the Browns to never expect to find anything decent downtown. 
Find Euclid Avenue, go east, and don't stop until you get past the Dazzling Urbanites at Cleveland State and start seeing signs for CWRU.

Wait.  You had season tickets for the browns 20 years ago?  Did you follow the team to Mobtown?

[CountDeMoney]

Shit, even I knew 20 years ago when we had season tickets for the Browns to never expect to find anything decent downtown. 
Find Euclid Avenue, go east, and don't stop until you get past the Dazzling Urbanites at Cleveland State and start seeing signs for CWRU.

Wait.  You had season tickets for the browns 20 years ago?  Did you follow the team to Mobtown?

I adopted the Browns when my team was stolen in the middle of the night by a filthy lying Jew. Curtis Dickey signed with them, and they drafted THE GREATEST COLLEGIATE QUARTERBACK OF ALL TIME EVAH, and my heart was taken.

Some guys I knew and I went in for season tickets for the Browns in college.  Dog Pound, Section E, Row 11, 1988-1992 seasons.   Good times.  Man, what a dump Cleveland Municipal was.  It was like Memorial Stadium after a nuclear detonation.

Let's just say that when they moved here, it didn't break my heart all that much.

[katmai]

I adopted the Browns when my team was stolen in the middle of the night by a filthy lying Jew. Curtis Dickey signed with them, and they drafted THE GREATEST COLLEGIATE QUARTERBACK OF ALL TIME EVAH, and my heart was taken.

Did you ever check out his daughter's porn?

[CountDeMoney]

I adopted the Browns when my team was stolen in the middle of the night by a filthy lying Jew. Curtis Dickey signed with them, and they drafted THE GREATEST COLLEGIATE QUARTERBACK OF ALL TIME EVAH, and my heart was taken.

Did you ever check out his daughter's porn?

Couldn't find it.  Not sure if I want to see it.  It just doesn't...feel right.