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There's an enormous locust in my kitchen

Started by Pedrito, March 17, 2012, 01:11:59 PM

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Pedrito

March 17, 2012, 01:11:59 PM
And I'm positively terrified by it. Fuck, I really really loathe insects.

What to do?

Right now I'm paging Malthus

If I'll survive, You'll get updates

L.
b / h = h / b+h


27 Zoupa Points, redeemable at the nearest liquor store! :woot:

Pedrito

#1
March 17, 2012, 01:14:58 PM
First thinig: isolate the kitchen.

second: shirt tucked into the pants, buttoning down sleeves and neck

Third: getting a broom from the closet

fourth:

L.
b / h = h / b+h


27 Zoupa Points, redeemable at the nearest liquor store! :woot:

Pedrito

#2
March 17, 2012, 01:16:45 PM
Damn, I cannot forcemyself to gointo the kitchen.

Maybe it will suicide by falling into the broth

L.
b / h = h / b+h


27 Zoupa Points, redeemable at the nearest liquor store! :woot:

Pedrito

#3
March 17, 2012, 01:17:35 PM
Kids are playing in the living room, the quietness outside cringes against my inner turmoil

L.
b / h = h / b+h


27 Zoupa Points, redeemable at the nearest liquor store! :woot:

Razgovory

#4
March 17, 2012, 01:21:19 PM
Is it just one?  A Locust is a swarming form of grasshopper.  Check to see if there are several million more nearby. 
I've given it serious thought. I must scorn the ways of my family, and seek a Japanese woman to yield me my progeny. He shall live in the lands of the east, and be well tutored in his sacred trust to weave the best traditions of Japan and the Sacred South together, until such time as he (or, indeed his house, which will periodically require infusion of both Southern and Japanese bloodlines of note) can deliver to the South it's independence, either in this world or in space.  -Lettow April of 2011

Raz is right. -MadImmortalMan March of 2017

Pedrito

#5
March 17, 2012, 01:22:36 PM
I left the windows open, and managed to force myself and enter the kitchenagain: no trace ofthe monster, but it could be hidden anywhere. Not in the broth, it's the only sure thing

L.
b / h = h / b+h


27 Zoupa Points, redeemable at the nearest liquor store! :woot:

Pedrito

#6
March 17, 2012, 01:23:29 PM
Quote from: Razgovory on March 17, 2012, 01:21:19 PM
Is it just one?  A Locust is a swarming form of grasshopper.  Check to see if there are several million more nearby.

Don't seem so, and if itwas the case, I'd already be dead by pure terror

L.
b / h = h / b+h


27 Zoupa Points, redeemable at the nearest liquor store! :woot:

DGuller

#7
March 17, 2012, 01:23:41 PM
Get a large frying pan to use alternatively as a shield or as a big whacker.

DGuller

#8
March 17, 2012, 01:24:23 PM
Oh, and make sure the frying pan is empty before you do that.

Pedrito

#9
March 17, 2012, 01:30:29 PM
No trace of the beast. Goosebump tsunami seems ended, waves are reverting to normal.

I fear it'shidden, and it will come out when I'll be more relaxed, just to give me the coup de grace

the pan is a good idea, but maybe too heavy

L.
b / h = h / b+h


27 Zoupa Points, redeemable at the nearest liquor store! :woot:

Razgovory

#10
March 17, 2012, 01:30:37 PM
Quote from: Pedrito on March 17, 2012, 01:23:29 PM
Quote from: Razgovory on March 17, 2012, 01:21:19 PM
Is it just one?  A Locust is a swarming form of grasshopper.  Check to see if there are several million more nearby.

Don't seem so, and if itwas the case, I'd already be dead by pure terror

L.

Do you live in Italy?  I seem to recall you living in Italy.  If you are in North America it is not a Locust.  There are no Locust in North America.  In that case it's just a Grasshopper.  Make sure it's not one of those giant radioactive grasshoppers like they had in the 1950's.  If it not the size of a bus and not radiactive have on the kids get rid of it.  Hell, the kids can eat them.  They aren't poisonous.
I've given it serious thought. I must scorn the ways of my family, and seek a Japanese woman to yield me my progeny. He shall live in the lands of the east, and be well tutored in his sacred trust to weave the best traditions of Japan and the Sacred South together, until such time as he (or, indeed his house, which will periodically require infusion of both Southern and Japanese bloodlines of note) can deliver to the South it's independence, either in this world or in space.  -Lettow April of 2011

Raz is right. -MadImmortalMan March of 2017

Pedrito

#11
March 17, 2012, 01:33:52 PM
a philosophical question:

leave open the window, in case the monster is still inside, or, if it went away, close it to avoid a new attack?

L.
b / h = h / b+h


27 Zoupa Points, redeemable at the nearest liquor store! :woot:

sbr

#12
March 17, 2012, 01:35:14 PM
Close it, do you really want to invite his friends in as well?

Pedrito

#13
March 17, 2012, 01:39:57 PM
I think it's only one, I've heard other tales of these rogue locusts

I think it's best to keep the window open; finding myself in a closed space with the beast could lead me to a collapse

L.
b / h = h / b+h


27 Zoupa Points, redeemable at the nearest liquor store! :woot:

Eddie Teach

#14
March 17, 2012, 01:44:45 PM
To sleep, perchance to dream. But in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?
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