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Best headline you've ever seen?

Started by jimmy olsen, December 15, 2011, 10:35:17 PM

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jimmy olsen

December 15, 2011, 10:35:17 PM
I just came across one that I think takes the case. Anyone seen a better one?

Butts Arrested in Boob Murder Case

http://wearecentralpa.com/wtaj-news-fulltext/?nxd_id=203465

QuotePOTTER TOWNSHIP, CENTRE COUNTY - Police have arrested a third person in connection with the murder of Samuel Boob.

Boob was shot and killed at his home in Potter Township, Centre County, on the morning of August 23rd, 2009.

Kermit Butts, 26, of Madisonburg, is accused of driving the suspected killer to and from the crime scene on the morning of the killing.  He was charged with aggravated assault and assisting a murder suspect and placed in the Centre County Prison.

Police believe that Butts drove Ronald Heichel to the Boob home and picked him up later in the day on August 23rd, 2009.  Police believe Heichel shot Sam Boob twice with a shotgun and killed him.  Heichel was charged with 1st degree murder.

The victim's wife, Mirinda Boob, is accused of working with Heichel to have her husband killed.  Police say they have text messages that were sent between her and Heichel, proving that the two were working together to kill Samuel.  She has been charged with conspiracy to commit murder.

It is far better for the truth to tear my flesh to pieces, then for my soul to wander through darkness in eternal damnation.

Jet: So what kind of woman is she? What's Julia like?
Faye: Ordinary. The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can't leave alone.
Jet: I see.
Faye: Like an angel from the underworld. Or a devil from Paradise.
--------------------------------------------
1 Karma Chameleon point

HVC

#1
December 15, 2011, 10:40:32 PM
Who the hell texts a murder plot?
Being lazy is bad; unless you still get what you want, then it's called "patience".
Hubris must be punished. Severely.

Razgovory

#2
December 15, 2011, 10:41:29 PM
Teenage girls?
I've given it serious thought. I must scorn the ways of my family, and seek a Japanese woman to yield me my progeny. He shall live in the lands of the east, and be well tutored in his sacred trust to weave the best traditions of Japan and the Sacred South together, until such time as he (or, indeed his house, which will periodically require infusion of both Southern and Japanese bloodlines of note) can deliver to the South it's independence, either in this world or in space.  -Lettow April of 2011

Raz is right. -MadImmortalMan March of 2017

garbon

#3
December 15, 2011, 10:55:44 PM
Takes the case? :huh:
"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."

I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.

Eddie Teach

#4
December 15, 2011, 11:29:40 PM
Quote from: garbon on December 15, 2011, 10:55:44 PM
Takes the case? :huh:

He meant tastes the cake. :mmm:
To sleep, perchance to dream. But in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?

Sheilbh

#5
December 15, 2011, 11:31:12 PM Last Edit: December 15, 2011, 11:36:10 PM by Sheilbh
IKE BEATS TINA TO DEATH - The Sun on Ike Turner's passing.
RACIST IN PEACE - The Sun on Bernard Manning's death.
THE EWE-SUAL SUSPECTS - The Salisbury Chronicle on a Romanian immigrant caught having sex with a sheep.

Off the top of my head :mellow:

Edit: 
GRABBEY ROAD - The Sun on Heather Mills divorcing Paul McCartney's another joy.
Let's bomb Russia!

Eddie Teach

#6
December 15, 2011, 11:32:36 PM
I always rather liked DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN.
To sleep, perchance to dream. But in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?

Syt

#8
December 16, 2011, 01:02:41 AM
German tabloid BILD once literally cracked me up when I read their huge headline, oh, 10 years or so ago in the supermarket. The paper is large format and folded in half, with the top half showing, and usually having a big, alarmist headline. Think The Sun, but ore insidious. In the past they had the power to make or break celebrities and politicians - those powers are weakened these days, but still there to some extent.

Anyways, the headline in question was:
"UFO-Sekte will Hitler klonen" - "UFO sect wants to clone Hitler"

It was so beautifully absurd, and at the same time was a quartet of UFOs, an ominous sect, cloning and Hitler. I hope whoever came up with that one got a bonus. (The byline was something about the sect wanting to clone Hitler, so he could be put on trial for his crimes . . . there's a bestseller novel in there somewhere. ;) )
I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.
—Stephen Jay Gould

Proud owner of 42 Zoupa Points.

The Brain

#9
December 16, 2011, 02:22:09 AM Last Edit: December 16, 2011, 02:24:04 AM by The Brain
"Had sex change, married each other" is one I remember.

In a small town local paper I saw "The principal still principal".
Women want me. Men want to be with me.

Pat

#10
December 16, 2011, 03:06:19 AM
Don't know about the best, but one memorable headline is "MURDER TODAY on Östermalm COUNT SHOT NEGRO WITH HUNTING RIFLE", Aftonbladet anno 1970.

(It was a homosexual lover's quarrel and the sentence would be manslaughter and not murder)

"Robbed robbed robber"

(A man was robbed of his phone, ran after the robber and not only took the phone back, but robbed the robber of his cell phone. Both were prosecuted for robbery.)

The Larch

#11
December 16, 2011, 04:28:23 AM
You might remember the 70s story about the Uruguayan rugby team whose plane crashed in the Andes when they were travelling to Chile and were stranded for two months, having to resort to cannibalism to survive. A provincial newspaper from a city nearby to mine ran, back in the day when the full story was made public, the following headline:

"They had to resort to Anthropology to survive"

Razgovory

#12
December 16, 2011, 04:39:57 AM
"HEADLESS BODY IN TOPLESS BAR" New York Post.
I've given it serious thought. I must scorn the ways of my family, and seek a Japanese woman to yield me my progeny. He shall live in the lands of the east, and be well tutored in his sacred trust to weave the best traditions of Japan and the Sacred South together, until such time as he (or, indeed his house, which will periodically require infusion of both Southern and Japanese bloodlines of note) can deliver to the South it's independence, either in this world or in space.  -Lettow April of 2011

Raz is right. -MadImmortalMan March of 2017

CountDeMoney

#13
December 16, 2011, 08:56:22 AM
I always wanted to be the cover editor for the NY Post.

garbon

#14
December 16, 2011, 08:58:35 AM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on December 16, 2011, 08:56:22 AM
I always wanted to be the cover editor for the NY Post.
You've wanted to be a lot of things, snowflake. :hug:
"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."

I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.
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