Worst published prose you've ever encountered

Started by jimmy olsen, October 31, 2011, 05:31:14 PM

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jimmy olsen

October 31, 2011, 05:31:14 PM Last Edit: October 31, 2011, 05:55:15 PM by jimmy olsen
I was browsing through a list of "Fiction Novels featuring Prehistoric Animals, Mutant Beasts & Primeval Man" and I've been laughing at the absolutely terrible excerpts.

http://www.dinofan.com/dfFiction/FictionBooks.aspx

Like this one
Quote from: Clickers"Their barbed tails jabbed downward, bringing shrieking cries of pain from the old woman. Janice's limbs shook as giant claws dipped down, ripped flesh, stuffed them into their mandibles. Her stomach roiled as Mrs. Smith's abdomen began to swell, her housedress splitting from the intense pressure. Her body expanded and blew up like a hot water balloon, inflating to almost double her size before the skin split and reddish, meaty goo splashed over the crabs, drenching them in Old Woman Sauce."

So, it got me to thinking. What's the absolutely most ridiculously bad prose you've ever encountered that was actually published?
It is far better for the truth to tear my flesh to pieces, then for my soul to wander through darkness in eternal damnation.

Jet: So what kind of woman is she? What's Julia like?
Faye: Ordinary. The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can't leave alone.
Jet: I see.
Faye: Like an angel from the underworld. Or a devil from Paradise.
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1 Karma Chameleon point

Ideologue

#1
October 31, 2011, 05:45:34 PM
Why is Old Woman Sauce capitalized?  Is it a trademarked name, like Pace Picante?
Kinemalogue
Current reviews: The 'Burbs (9/10); Gremlins 2: The New Batch (9/10); John Wick: Chapter 2 (9/10); A Cure For Wellness (4/10)

grumbler

#2
October 31, 2011, 06:05:46 PM
Actually published as in paid for and money spent on production and distribution?  It would have to be a Margaret Atwood book, but that doesn't narrow it down.  Maybe Alias Grace.
The future is all around us, waiting, in moments of transition, to be born in moments of revelation. No one knows the shape of that future or where it will take us. We know only that it is always born in pain.   -G'Kar

Bayraktar!

MadImmortalMan

#3
October 31, 2011, 06:07:37 PM
"Stability is destabilizing." --Hyman Minsky

"Complacency can be a self-denying prophecy."
"We have nothing to fear but lack of fear itself." --Larry Summers

jimmy olsen

#4
October 31, 2011, 06:13:05 PM
Quote from: grumbler on October 31, 2011, 06:05:46 PM
Actually published as in paid for and money spent on production and distribution?
Yeah
It is far better for the truth to tear my flesh to pieces, then for my soul to wander through darkness in eternal damnation.

Jet: So what kind of woman is she? What's Julia like?
Faye: Ordinary. The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can't leave alone.
Jet: I see.
Faye: Like an angel from the underworld. Or a devil from Paradise.
--------------------------------------------
1 Karma Chameleon point

Eddie Teach

#5
October 31, 2011, 06:22:34 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on October 31, 2011, 06:07:37 PM
Anything by a Bronte.

They weren't bad by 19th century standards.
To sleep, perchance to dream. But in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?

Josephus

#6
October 31, 2011, 06:30:46 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on October 31, 2011, 06:22:34 PM
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on October 31, 2011, 06:07:37 PM
Anything by a Bronte.

They weren't bad by 19th century standards.

Also known as the classic English literature period.
Civis Romanus Sum<br /><br />"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world." Jack Layton 1950-2011

jimmy olsen

#7
November 01, 2011, 06:02:41 PM
Languish has turned out to be less snobbish than I expected.  :hmm:
It is far better for the truth to tear my flesh to pieces, then for my soul to wander through darkness in eternal damnation.

Jet: So what kind of woman is she? What's Julia like?
Faye: Ordinary. The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can't leave alone.
Jet: I see.
Faye: Like an angel from the underworld. Or a devil from Paradise.
--------------------------------------------
1 Karma Chameleon point

DGuller

#8
November 01, 2011, 06:04:58 PM
Quote from: grumbler on October 31, 2011, 06:05:46 PM
Actually published as in paid for and money spent on production and distribution?  It would have to be a Margaret Atwood book, but that doesn't narrow it down.  Maybe Alias Grace.
Is that the one of Malthus fame, or is there another?

Jacob

#9
November 01, 2011, 06:28:34 PM
Quote from: DGuller on November 01, 2011, 06:04:58 PMIs that the one of Malthus fame, or is there another?

There is only one.

Josephus

#10
November 01, 2011, 06:40:43 PM
Quote from: Jacob on November 01, 2011, 06:28:34 PM
Quote from: DGuller on November 01, 2011, 06:04:58 PMIs that the one of Malthus fame, or is there another?

There is only one.

Thankfully.
Civis Romanus Sum<br /><br />"My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we'll change the world." Jack Layton 1950-2011

Caliga

#11
November 01, 2011, 07:18:02 PM
Does Malthus care that you guys are throwing this out there? :hmm:
0 Ed Anger Disapproval Points

Ideologue

#12
November 01, 2011, 07:19:59 PM
Malthus is the one who revealed it. :mellow:
Kinemalogue
Current reviews: The 'Burbs (9/10); Gremlins 2: The New Batch (9/10); John Wick: Chapter 2 (9/10); A Cure For Wellness (4/10)

Caliga

#13
November 01, 2011, 07:20:37 PM
Quote from: Ideologue on November 01, 2011, 07:19:59 PM
Malthus is the one who revealed it. :mellow:
Here or in TBR? :hmm:
0 Ed Anger Disapproval Points

Ideologue

#14
November 01, 2011, 07:21:24 PM
I'm pretty sure here.
Kinemalogue
Current reviews: The 'Burbs (9/10); Gremlins 2: The New Batch (9/10); John Wick: Chapter 2 (9/10); A Cure For Wellness (4/10)
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