Question for breeders: why the freak out over cheating?

[Viking]

What about showing your affection and loyalty entails that a reward will follow?

It's a fine way to show how much you care, and that should be its own reward.

Loyalty is a reward in and of itself?



Lettow is off camera just to the left.

[Martinus]

Of course, a happy couple doesn't normally have to deal with a third wheel, so to speak.

See, that's where I think you are wrong and where the root of the problem with the freak out lies.

I don't claim to even fathom the psychology of women, but if straight men are anything like gay men, sometimes you just want to try something new on the side. And there nothing is truer than the old bon mot "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to succumb to it." Then, if the temptation like this arises and the person in the relationship attempts to resist it, it just sours the relationship, causes resentment and "inexplicable" animosity (I've been there, being once in a relationship with a jealous monogamy freak). On the other hand, every time I "cheat" on my current boyfriend, I go back to him being affectionate to him even more afterwards.

I think people freak out exactly because they make the same erroneous assumption as you do - if my partner cheats on me, this means our relationship is likely unhappy. It's not true.

heh. An other way to look at it though, is that you show your affection and loyalty by not chasing every fucking tail you find attractive.

It's unreasonable. It's like showing your affection and loyalty by starving yourself or refraing from peeing for days. If the object of your affection forces you to refrain from satisfying your basic biological needs, then perhaps he/she is unworthy of this affection in the first place?

See, this is where the equality of genders went in the wrong direction. It used to be that men were allowed to fuck around and only women were expected to keep faithful (for obvious reasons, associated with bastardy and feudal system). Now that this system went away, the correct response should have been to give women as much freedom as men - and not by shackling men in the same kind of bondage as women used to be forced into.

[Eddie Teach]

See, this is where the equality of genders went in the wrong direction. It used to be that men were allowed to fuck around and only women were expected to keep faithful (for obvious reasons, associated with bastardy and feudal system). Now that this system went away, the correct response should have been to give women as much freedom as men - and not by shackling men in the same kind of bondage as women used to be forced into.

I think your chronology is a bit off. The expectation of fidelity in husbands came around long before gender equality.

[Viking]

I think your chronology is a bit off. The expectation of fidelity in husbands came around long before gender equality.

I blame Victoria and Albert.

[garbon]

Cinema has more straight romances than gay romances. Straight romances are so generic and boring that movie producers need to have something go awry in them, at least for a while, to sell tickets. Gay romances in movies on the other hand are still quaint and different and have their hurdles in getting started.
This says nothing about straight people freaking out over cheating more than gays in real life.

???

[garbon]

I suspect I have more sex on the side than he does at the moment.

Who said anything about sex? Since when did you start having that?

[The Brain]

There are evolutionary reasons for straight men and women to frown on cheating partners. There are no such reasons for gay men to feel the same.

[garbon]

See, this is where the equality of genders went in the wrong direction. It used to be that men were allowed to fuck around and only women were expected to keep faithful (for obvious reasons, associated with bastardy and feudal system). Now that this system went away, the correct response should have been to give women as much freedom as men - and not by shackling men in the same kind of bondage as women used to be forced into.

I think your chronology is a bit off. The expectation of fidelity in husbands came around long before gender equality.

Yeah, what is he talking about?

[Tamas]

I think Marty should ask like, all the animal species in the world, about why the males engage in often extremely dangerous confrontations over who gets to mate with the females, instead of just taking turns.

[Viking]

I think Marty should ask like, all the animal species in the world, about why the males engage in often extremely dangerous confrontations over who gets to mate with the females, instead of just taking turns.

actually... the shape of the head of the penis is ideal for removing any previously deposited "donations".. so yeah, evolution has made us well suited for taking turns, with the guy going last getting the best shot.

[Malthus]

Cinema has more straight romances than gay romances. Straight romances are so generic and boring that movie producers need to have something go awry in them, at least for a while, to sell tickets. Gay romances in movies on the other hand are still quaint and different and have their hurdles in getting started.
This says nothing about straight people freaking out over cheating more than gays in real life.

Ok. It's just that from anecdotal evidence it seems like cheating in hetero couples is a big deal. For example, in most of divorcees I know, cheating was quoted as the prime reason for the divorce (unless of course it was just a convenient excuse).

To my mind, many of the differences anecdotally observed between gay & straight relationships have to do with social acceptance of said relationships.

In the past, and still in many places in the present, gay relationships were clandestine because homosexuality was not accepted by society. Therefore, making a virtue out of necessity, gay people adopted many of the mannerisms of hetero secret lovers (generally, adulterers): furtive sex, with or without emotional pair-bonding.

As homosexuality became accepted and gays moved for, and obtained equal rights, they sought & gained in some places the rights to be normal, socially-recognized couples - such as gay marriage, rights to adopt children as couples, etc.

Naturally, for a group who through social persecution were forced to live 'in the closet' and engage in furtive relationships, fidelity would not be the most significant virtue. My prediction is that this will change in lockstep with increased social acceptance. The reason is that fidelity is primarily the virtue needed to form stable, recognized and lasting relationships, and is praised and practiced whenever such relationships are held up as the ideal.

This has nothing to do with biological determinism and everything to do with social structure. For examplke, in ancient Greece fidelity among homosexual partners was encouraged in some places because it added stability to the phalanx in war. 

[PDH]

I am too lazy to read the whole fucking article, especially since Mart trolled at the opening, but has anyone said it is because we have a social system where monogamy is the norm and that behavior is therefore enculturated and nourished (even if it is not 100% practised)?

[Malthus]

I am too lazy to read the whole fucking article, especially since Mart trolled at the opening, but has anyone said it is because we have a social system where monogamy is the norm and that behavior is therefore enculturated and nourished (even if it is not 100% practised)?

Right above your post. 

[The Brain]

I am too lazy to read the whole fucking article, especially since Mart trolled at the opening, but has anyone said it is because we have a social system where monogamy is the norm and that behavior is therefore enculturated and nourished (even if it is not 100% practised)?

Your explanation doesn't explain.

[PDH]

I am too lazy to read the whole fucking article, especially since Mart trolled at the opening, but has anyone said it is because we have a social system where monogamy is the norm and that behavior is therefore enculturated and nourished (even if it is not 100% practised)?

Right above your post. 

tldr