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Amphibious Nazi Raccoons Menace Sweden

Started by mongers, August 24, 2011, 04:06:59 PM

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mongers

Stolen from The Register, if only for the headline:

http://m.theregister.co.uk/2011/08/24/raccoon_menace/

Quote
Amphibious Nazi raccoons menace Sweden

Hermann Göring's furry stormtroopers poised to strike


By Lester Haines

Sweden is bracing for an amphibious assault by a considerable force of raccoon dogs and raccoons, poised to cross the Öresund strait which separates the country from neighbouring Denmark.

Raccoon dogs (Nyctereutes procyonoides) are native to east Asia, where their populations are actually declining, but they have made themselves right at home across Scandinavia and continental Europe. Raccoons (Procyon lotor) are native to North America.

The raccoon dog was introduced into Latvia in the 1940s, and rapidly invaded neighbouring countries, penetrating as far south as Italy.

Two breeding pairs of raccoons were released outside Kassel, Germany, in 1934, with the authorisation of Hermann Göring's Reich Forestry Office, with spectacular results. The country now hosts a population of up a million, and another release from an US airbase in France in the 1960s gave the animals another vital base of operations.

Denmark has already fallen to both species, and the Swedes now fear they will make the short 4km swim across the Öresund straight to Skåne to conquer yet more territory. Bertil Nilsson, wildlife officer at Skåne's County Administrative Board, told Sveriges Radio: "They're good swimmers. And besides, they could also use the bridge as a possible crossing. But neither the open sea nor high waves are going to scare them off."

He chillingly added: "It's really very serious, they're spreading very quickly in Denmark."

That Sweden will fall to the raccoon dog and raccoon seems inevitable. The former is already menacing the country from Finland, where a substantial population has made short work of indigenous wildlife. Nilsson explained: "In Finland the large wetlands areas are all but emptied of ground-nesting birds and frogs."

A monitoring camera operation along the Sweden-Finland border has now been extended to Öresund, in the hope of stemming the tide. Nilsson concluded: "There's nothing wrong with the species. We just don't want them here." ®

Bootnote
UK tabloid The Sun reported on the raccoon threat to Europe back in 2004, illustrating its "furry blitzkrieg" warning with a rather splendid photo, as you can see here.

"We have it in our power to begin the world over again"

The Brain

Women want me. Men want to be with me.

HVC

A million from descended from one mating pair? Theyre the hillbillies of the racoon world.
Being lazy is bad; unless you still get what you want, then it's called "patience".
Hubris must be punished. Severely.

Barrister

Pfft - if Alberta can keep out the Norway rat, then surely Sweden can keep out the raccoon.   :showoff:
Posts here are my own private opinions.  I do not speak for my employer.

HVC

Sounds more like the rats are smart enough to stay out of Alberta :P
Being lazy is bad; unless you still get what you want, then it's called "patience".
Hubris must be punished. Severely.

Barrister

Quote from: HVC on August 24, 2011, 04:26:58 PM
Sounds more like the rats are smart enough to stay out of Alberta :P

No - it is thanks to the brave men and women of the Rat Patrol. :worship:

http://www1.agric.gov.ab.ca/$department/deptdocs.nsf/all/agdex3441
Posts here are my own private opinions.  I do not speak for my employer.

Malthus

Quote from: HVC on August 24, 2011, 04:10:55 PM
A million from descended from one mating pair? Theyre the hillbillies of the racoon world.

If they were lesbian nazi racoons, we would not be having this problem.
The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane—Marcus Aurelius

Razgovory

Perhaps they can fight those Stalin crabs.

http://jonathanturley.org/2008/08/28/blitzkrabs-europe-threatened-by-nazi-raccoons-and-stalin-crabs/

It seems someone else made this connection as well.  I feel slightly less special.
I've given it serious thought. I must scorn the ways of my family, and seek a Japanese woman to yield me my progeny. He shall live in the lands of the east, and be well tutored in his sacred trust to weave the best traditions of Japan and the Sacred South together, until such time as he (or, indeed his house, which will periodically require infusion of both Southern and Japanese bloodlines of note) can deliver to the South it's independence, either in this world or in space.  -Lettow April of 2011

Raz is right. -MadImmortalMan March of 2017

jimmy olsen

Quote from: HVC on August 24, 2011, 04:10:55 PM
A million from descended from one mating pair? Theyre the hillbillies of the racoon world.
Two breeding pairs, plus an infusion (of unknown size) of new blood that landed in France in the 60s.
It is far better for the truth to tear my flesh to pieces, then for my soul to wander through darkness in eternal damnation.

Jet: So what kind of woman is she? What's Julia like?
Faye: Ordinary. The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can't leave alone.
Jet: I see.
Faye: Like an angel from the underworld. Or a devil from Paradise.
--------------------------------------------
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HVC

The article makes it sound like the French population is divided from he scandi one
Being lazy is bad; unless you still get what you want, then it's called "patience".
Hubris must be punished. Severely.