Polyamory and you

[Valmy]

Oh...let me flame you to hold on

It was mine.  I've moderated over the years

Oh...because I was about to say I searched the thread and you were only saying intelligent things.

[alfred russel]

The reverse assumption appears to be that a marriage that *did* end in divorce was of necessity entirely a "failure". I don't believe that, either.

Err... how is it not? The marriage is an exclusive union of two people "until the death do us part". A divorce is by definition a failure of an arrangement thus defined.

The point of the relationship is not that it end in death, it is that it was worthwhile while you were alive. Marriages may end in divorce because the partners have drifted apart, but the may have been very good while they lasted.

Same with friendships. I've lost touch with many friends over the years; there are however very few people I actively regret having been friends with.

I would not count a marriage that ends because the partners have drifted apart after many good years as a "failure".

Wrong.

Marriage vows ARE until death - that's what people who get married vow unto each other (unless they are some hippies who write their own vows and shit, but we can discount this as an anomaly). While your approach is sensible and realistic, that of marriage (at least in theory) is not, and it is an utopia as much as a polyamorous relationship is (in your own words).

Traditional marriage vows have had all sorts of crap in them besides "till death do us part"--including for the wife to obey. Is the degree of compliance with the vows really the measure of a marriage's success? I'm with Malthus on this.

[garbon]

Oh...let me flame you to hold on

It was mine.  I've moderated over the years

I think many of us go through that phase.

[Neil]

Traditional marriage vows have had all sorts of crap in them besides "till death do us part"--including for the wife to obey.

My wife, while initially reluctant, vowed to obey.  Christian fundamentalism has worked to my advantage.