Polyamory and you

[DisturbedPervert]

That's a fairly low threshold of 'tolerates'.  They didn't break up immediately.

Never said they loved it, and plenty would not tolerate it.  Just said it is more tolerated in females than in men.

[Barrister]

Biologically, a man stands to lose everything by his mate having a one stand.  A man squirting some seed in a female he will never see again does nothing to harm his mate's reproductive success.

I think you're on very thin ice trying to make this argument about biology.

And FWIW I've known men who did in fact tolerate their female partner's infidelity.

[Jacob]

Never said they loved it, and plenty would not tolerate it.  Just said it is more tolerated in females than in men.

While we're all convinced by the anecdotes that make up our personal experience, I'd wager that your data set is not strong enough to warrant the conclusion you're drawing.

"Guys got away with fucking around more at the college I went to" does not really prove that "women are biologically more inclined than men to accept infidelity because of evolution."

[Martinus]

Again, I'm being consistant here: I would judge the "success" of poly relationships in exactly the same way. In my experience those capable of making a "success" of them in this respect - i.e., to be happy and fulfilled in their relationships and lives - are few, since such a success requires a quite unrealistic combination of attributes. Many more are capable of making a 'success" of traditional marriage, since it does not demand the same level of detachment and lack of jealousy.

That's your assertion that's not based in any serious study or research. There just isn't enough statistics to back it up and all you can do is to rely on some anecdotal evidence (or even assumptions that are completely baseless and refer to your "understanding of human nature" - e.g. a difficulty with dealing with jealousy). We also have no substantial research showing that the problems of polyamory you mention are not simply cultural and could go away with the progress of the sexual revolution.

And speaking of anecdotal evidence, about 90% of my close friends who got married either got divorced or are in what seems like a deeply unhappy marriage, which only shows that anecdotal evidence is bullshit. In fact, the people I consider to be happily married are only the ones I do not know a lot about.

[Martinus]

Biologically, a man stands to lose everything by his mate having a one stand.  A man squirting some seed in a female he will never see again does nothing to harm his mate's reproductive success.

Well, this argument makes sense. And it also shows why it is quite possible to have an equal open relationship between two gay men, whereas it would be much more difficult to have one in a heterosexual couple.

Another thing is that men have a much easier time, psychologically, to compartmentalize sex and love.

[Martinus]

For the record, my point is that a marriage is a set up as unrealistic and prone to failure when confronted with reality as a polymorous relationship, yet that does not stop people from trying to make it happen or considering it somehow "natural".

Cool, so you'll be dropping the 'gay marriage' nonsense, then? 

No. I think it's the upteenth time I am explaining that I support gay marriage because of equality. You don't need to be a supporter of mass transport in order to oppose sending blacks to the back of the bus either.

[Martinus]

For the record, my point is that a marriage is a set up as unrealistic and prone to failure when confronted with reality as a polymorous relationship, yet that does not stop people from trying to make it happen or considering it somehow "natural".

That is all well and good you think that.  I still want it though and have no interest in a polyamorous relationship.  I try to make it happen BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I WANT TO HAVE.  Logical no?  I thought the question was 'what was acceptable to me' not 'what is natural'.  It is Drakken who was trying to argue polyamory was 'natural' for me and I should want that as my gender.

I wasn't responding to you. All the caps etc. imply that you are taking this extremely personally. It's quite surprising, to be honest, and it's not the first time when a topic of fidelity and cuckolding comes up and you react in an irrational and emotional way like this. Would you like to share something with us?

[The Brain]

Would you like to share something with us?

Apparently not.

My guess is he was bitten by a cuckold as a child.

[garbon]

Would you like to share something with us?

Are you brain dead?

[Neil]

Gays who want to get married want something unnatural and unrealistic.  Marty has something in common with conservative Christians finally.  All that time in Catholic Poland pays off.

The unnatural and unrealistic thing that Martinus wants is acceptance for gays.  Although if he thought about it for a minute, he'd realize how selfish it is of him to expect people to accept something so antisocial.

[Valmy]

All the caps etc. imply that you are taking this extremely personally.

Not at all I am frustrated I thought you meant this to ask me if I was interested in something.  I answer and talk about why..and you then you first accuse me of being intolerant and go into fucking attack mode.  'No what I want isn't unnatural what you want is delusional'

Whatever.  It is like talking to a brick wall.  I don't give a shit what you think is natural.  I speak only for myself and you can't get that through your fucking thick skull that is why I used the caps.  Why even ask the question?

It's quite surprising, to be honest, and it's not the first time when a topic of fidelity and cuckolding comes up and you react in an irrational and emotional way like this. Would you like to share something with us?

Never been cheated on, never cheated.  I don't really give a shit if people are faithful or not, I just know what sort of relationship I want.

[Valmy]

No. I think it's the upteenth time I am explaining that I support gay marriage because of equality. You don't need to be a supporter of mass transport in order to oppose sending blacks to the back of the bus either.

But you seem to think Gays shouldn't get married because it is unnatural and unrealistic and we only do it because of the inability of straight people to have equal open relationships.  Because people's hopes and wants and emotional needs are completely defined by their sexuality and nothing else.  Why should a tool of the evil closed oppressive straights be forced on the open happy gays?

[Sheilbh]

But you seem to think Gays shouldn't get married because it is unnatural and unrealistic and we only do it because of the inability of straight people to have equal open relationships.  Because people's hopes and wants and emotional needs are completely defined by their sexuality and nothing else.  Why should a tool of the evil closed oppressive straights be forced on the open happy gays?

The heterofascist argument was mine

[Valmy]

The heterofascist argument was mine

Oh...let me flame you to hold on

[Sheilbh]

Oh...let me flame you to hold on

It was mine.  I've moderated over the years