Yo parents: how to mess up your kids with "good parenting"

Started by Syt, November 14, 2009, 01:24:57 PM

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merithyn

Quote from: Peter Wiggin on November 16, 2009, 07:37:00 AM
There's really no reason to attribute home schooling to some national quirk, it's still pretty rare.

1.5 million home-schooled kids in the U.S. in 2007

http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2009/2009030.pdf
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he'd go away...

BVN

Quote from: merithyn on November 16, 2009, 07:11:07 AM
I made it a rule a long time ago not to give out parenting advice unless directly asked a specific question. Too many variances for there ever to be a "one-size fits all" parenting guide. What works for some does not work for others because a parent's personality has as much to do with it as the child's.
Very true. You can get some useful general guidelines or advice from books or other parents, but in the end you'll have to find what works best for your child and in the context of your family.

Martinus

Quote from: merithyn on November 16, 2009, 07:32:40 AM
I said that in the right hands, home-schooling isn't as bad as I first thought it was. I didn't say that I agreed with home-schooling in all its guises, nor that I think it's a perfect alternative to a school-based education. There are those who home-school well. They are far and few between, but they are out there.

One family comes to mind. I've never asked why she home-schools because I'm pretty sure I'd lose respect for her if I knew. (The whys of home-schooling generally irritate me more than the hows.) But she has four kids ranging in age from 18 to seven. They are all pretty bright kids, relatively well-turned out, and just decent folks. They are constantly involved in programs, classes, etc. that give them quite a bit of socialization. In addition, because they are home-schooled and not tied to a regular school day, the kids are able to be more involved in community plays, community projects that require unusual schedules, etc.

They are the exception to most of the other home-schooled kids I've met, but to be fair, most other home-schooled kids I've met were kept at home to avoid socialization, i.e. for religious reasons. (If they're not questioned by outsiders, they won't have to worry about questioning their beliefs themselves.)

Is it because, as Americans, we're more narcissistic than Europeans? Possibly. Might also be that because we're Americans we're more likely to accept thinking outside the box, or in this case, the classroom.

I agree with what you posted, however I think that proper socialization also involves learning how to be a bastard. :P

I may be wrong, but I think home schooling, even when done right, will create a relatively idealistic worldview for a child, one that can turn to be quite naive once the child grows up and has to make it out on their own.

For example, one thing schools will teach you is that honesty is not always the best policy - I am not talking about compulsive lying, but that creative treatment of truth (when not overused and when backed up by some actual credibility) is often the best approach. Another is that some people cannot be reasoned with. yet another is that you have multiple, often conflicting, authority centers and you have to learn to navigate between them (something, I think, the home schooling environment does not foster, as it is more mono-centric, with the parent at the top).

Essentially, a good homeschooling parent is raising a little Mormon - where's the fun in it?

Martinus

Quote from: merithyn on November 16, 2009, 07:41:38 AM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on November 16, 2009, 07:37:00 AM
There's really no reason to attribute home schooling to some national quirk, it's still pretty rare.

1.5 million home-schooled kids in the U.S. in 2007

http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2009/2009030.pdf

How much is it in the overall children populace?

Eddie Teach

To sleep, perchance to dream. But in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?

Martinus

So that's what? 3%? Isn't this about the level of support libertarians get in the US?  :P

merithyn

Quote from: Martinus on November 16, 2009, 07:53:15 AM
Quote from: merithyn on November 16, 2009, 07:41:38 AM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on November 16, 2009, 07:37:00 AM
There's really no reason to attribute home schooling to some national quirk, it's still pretty rare.

1.5 million home-schooled kids in the U.S. in 2007

http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2009/2009030.pdf

How much is it in the overall children populace?

I believe the report said 2.7% of school-aged children in the U.S.
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he'd go away...

merithyn

Quote from: Martinus on November 16, 2009, 07:52:01 AM
I agree with what you posted, however I think that proper socialization also involves learning how to be a bastard. :P

I may be wrong, but I think home schooling, even when done right, will create a relatively idealistic worldview for a child, one that can turn to be quite naive once the child grows up and has to make it out on their own.

For example, one thing schools will teach you is that honesty is not always the best policy - I am not talking about compulsive lying, but that creative treatment of truth (when not overused and when backed up by some actual credibility) is often the best approach. Another is that some people cannot be reasoned with. yet another is that you have multiple, often conflicting, authority centers and you have to learn to navigate between them (something, I think, the home schooling environment does not foster, as it is more mono-centric, with the parent at the top).

Essentially, a good homeschooling parent is raising a little Mormon - where's the fun in it?

As I said, I do not believe that home-schooling is a good replacement to a school-based education. The social aspect of dealing with teachers (bosses) one doesn't like, students (co-workers) one can't stand, and overall situations that are well beyond their control (stupid rules and ignorant guidelines like the corporate world) are important educational tools, I think. Most home-schooled children do not learn how to handle these situations, but that doesn't mean that all home-schooled children don't.

In the family I mentioned, because the kids are in community theater and community-based projects, they deal with all of that pretty often. Not as often as in a school setting, but it's still there. Is it as good as? *shrugs* Dunno. It's certainly different.
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he'd go away...

Capetan Mihali

I'd be interested to know the regional breakdown of home-schooling in the US.  Now that I think about it, I don't think I've met a single person who mentioned they were home-schooled or talked about home-schooling as a potential choice.  But maybe outside the urbanized Northeast it's more common.
"The internet's completely over. [...] The internet's like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated. Anyway, all these computers and digital gadgets are no good. They just fill your head with numbers and that can't be good for you."
-- Prince, 2010. (R.I.P.)

PDH

I think children should be stuffed in cages and sold as scientific experiments.

THAT is my solution to raising kids.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
-Umberto Eco

-------
"I'm pretty sure my level of depression has nothing to do with how much of a fucking asshole you are."

-CdM

garbon

Quote from: Capetan Mihali on November 16, 2009, 08:57:22 AM
I'd be interested to know the regional breakdown of home-schooling in the US.  Now that I think about it, I don't think I've met a single person who mentioned they were home-schooled or talked about home-schooling as a potential choice.  But maybe outside the urbanized Northeast it's more common.

I knew several people in Massachusetts who were home schooled.
"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."

I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.

merithyn

Here in Illinois, it's pretty common. I'm not sure why, though I'd hazard a guess that 75% of those who are homeschooled are done so for religious reasons. We're not quite the Bible belt, but we're damn close.
Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he'd go away...

ulmont

Quote from: Martinus on November 16, 2009, 07:52:01 AM
I agree with what you posted, however I think that proper socialization also involves learning how to be a bastard. :P

People can figure that out on their own, I assure you.

derspiess

Quote from: Martinus on November 16, 2009, 07:18:52 AM
How do you propose to make sure the chid is properly socialized when home-schooled?

Why are you so concerned about that?
"If you can play a guitar and harmonica at the same time, like Bob Dylan or Neil Young, you're a genius. But make that extra bit of effort and strap some cymbals to your knees, suddenly people want to get the hell away from you."  --Rich Hall

garbon

"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."

I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.