My story...

[Caliga]

Well that is what is so horrible about mental illness.  You had no way to know her problem was this serious.

It's hard for me to imagine there were *no* warning signs, but I've never been with a woman who was obviously this deeply depressed so I have no way of relating.

[MadImmortalMan]

Usually it's pretty hard NOT to see it coming. When it comes out of nowhere like that, it's usually some kind of life-changing event. The one time it happened to me it certainly was. Obviously, this was a major issue that came in from outer space without warning and clearly a life-changing event for her. From your account, it seems like she just became a completely different person when she went off the meds. Not your fault in any way, but damn it's heartbreaking.

[CountDeMoney]

Yeah...

What really gets me though is that I never saw it coming. Usually when a relationship is ending, you can see the writing on the wall. Or at least you worry about seeing the writing on the wall. This went from "perfect" to "Its over and I want you to move out tomorrow" in the blink of an eye. When I talked to her about it, saw it the same way. She never considered us breaking up before that panic-attack-weekend, and then she "just knew" she had to leave me in order to avoid the stress and "get her mental health back".

When it comes to goofy chicks, better to not be able to read the writing on the wall than have your brains splattered all over it.

Personally, I think you're taking this whole suicide thing too heavy.  Now you don't have to worry about stalking her, what with all the effort that goes into that sort of thing.

Think of it this way: it's sorta like a "she left you" break-up, except now you're 100% sure she's not going to date your best friend or a bang a black dude.  So you've got that going for you.

[CountDeMoney]

Oh, and I haven't even gotten to all the bonus pity pussy you could score with all this.  You know how many single guys wish they were lucky enough to have dead fiancees in their CV?

"He's cute!   What's his name?"
"Oh, that's Dave!"
"What's his story? Is he single?" 
"Yes, his fiancee died a couple months ago."
"Oh my God, that is just sooooo sad...!"
*PUSSY JUICE TSUNAMI FLOODS THIRD WORLD COUNTRY*

I mean, c'mon.  The possibilities are endless.  You could milk this for at least a couple years.

[Razgovory]

If it Hortlund he's probably leaving something out.  I am suspicious about the whole thing.

[Admiral Yi]

Thanks for the sympathy guys.

Im not Hortlund, whoever that is, but if it makes any difference, my nickname at the old forum was Oxenstierna.

Yeah, I remember you too.

[Sheilbh]

Ouch.
I blaim depression pills. Those things fuck with people seriously.

They also do a lot of good for a lot of people.

Yeah, I remember you too.

Same

I'm so sorry Ox, there's no more to say

[merithyn]

My deepest sympathies, Blue.

[Valmy]

It's hard for me to imagine there were *no* warning signs, but I've never been with a woman who was obviously this deeply depressed so I have no way of relating.

Well she was on meds, if the condition is entirely biochemical he wouldn't have seen anything until the physical problem manifested like in this case.  It wasn't like there was any rational or logical trauma that was upsetting her, like how she inexplicably wouldn't get back together with him.

[Valmy]

If it Hortlund he's probably leaving something out.  I am suspicious about the whole thing.

There was no way it could have been Hortlund: the woman was clearly not 17 and he did not post a pic of her or describe how hot her body was.

[citizen k]

 Don't the Scandies have a high suicide rate? 

[BVN]

Don't the Scandies have a high suicide rate? 

Yes. And the Belgians too, apparently

[ulmont]

Don't the Scandies have a high suicide rate? 

No.  Denmark, Norway, and Sweden are below the OECD average.  Finland has a high suicide rate, but still not as high as Hungary (Hi Tamas!).
http://titania.sourceoecd.org/vl=5507398/cl=13/nw=1/rpsv/factbook2009/11/02/01/11-02-01-g1b.htm

[Gbeagle]

Yeah, that really sucks. My condolences. 

Did she go cold turkey (stop immediately) off the SSRI or taper down gradually? Rebound depression and anxiety (that can be worse than the original pre-treatment condition) is more likely to happen if you stop treatment really fast. It could also be her underlying condition returning. A month after treatment stopping is about right. A month is about the time scale for 5HT-1A (Serotonin receptor) autoreceptor down/up-regulation. Receptor down-regulation is posited as one of the mechanisms of SSRI actions (this is by no means know for sure, why SSRIs work and which patients they will work on is still a bit of a mystery). It seems it could just have been anxiety/depression returning.  I know a couple people who use SSRIs regularly and it takes about a month for them to wear off. For them after about a month or so they basically just went back to how they were before treatment. I saw this several times with my sister she would just go on and off again and again, because it was basically exchanging one set of problems for another until she found one where the side effects could be handled.

Yeah the birth defects is a worry. Nothing is definitive, except maybe paroxetine which seems to have the strongest indication of physical birth defects. Then that probably isn't surprising, paroxetine is the "dirtiest" of the SSRIs (it has the most direct effect on other neurotransmitter systems than Serotonin). Whether it has any long-term cognitive effects on the child isn't really know. It is really hard to know what the right thing to do, and sucks that this happened.

For a lot of people SSRIs can really help a ton (I have seen it myself in family members), but they have to be used carefully. Part of their bad rap, I think, stems from the fact that a lot of GPs hand them out like candy that is completely non-dangerous to their patients with no follow-up, just start the patient at the full dose instead of ramping it up slowly, and pick the drug based on what pharma-rep gave them the most pens/posters/free trips. From my family members experiences they have had a lot better experiences when a actual psychiatrist was managing the treatment, but YMMV of course (some psychiatrists suck too!).

Also one thing that always amused me is doctors saying they don't change your personality! That makes no sense, if the didn't then they would be useless (that's the whole point of them  ) The changes aren't always (or even most of the time) bad of course, but it has been my experience that they do change people. This does bring up questions in relationships which I have encountered to a degree myself. You get along with the person on the meds, but not the person they are off them and vice-versa. Which is the real person? Is that even a valid way to think about it? etc. It really sucks having to deal with all that especially when someone you know goes on and off their meds because neither state is really all that good and witnessing all the pain it causes them. Your situation is so many orders of magnitude worse! I can't even imagine. I am sorry you had to go through all of this. If you need someone to talk to about this type of thing let me know.

[Malthus]

What I have heard is that the drugs can increase the dangers of suicide because of the following factors:

- two of the symptoms of depression are suicidial thoughts and lethargy;

- to an extent, the lethargy tends to counteract the suicidial thoughts being put into practice (briefly, the sufferer may think suicide is a good idea, but is too apathetic to actually do it);

- the effects of the drugs are not always predictable, and sometimes they counteract some of the symptoms before/instead of others;

- the patient may "lose" the lethargy before they "lose" the suicidal thoughts. Now, while they may not be any more suicidial than they were before, they have much greater ability to carry it out;

- the same can happen if a person goes off the drugs - i.e. they may "regain" suicidial thoughts and not yet "regain" lethargy.

Not suggesting that this happened in this case, but it is a possibility.

In any event, my sincere condolences.