Facebook Follies of Friends and Families

[Valmy]

Nice to see a bunch of dudes opining on sexual abuse and harassment, just what we all needed.

You're right, we should go back to pretending such things never happen.

When was this exactly?

[derspiess]

Nice to see a bunch of dudes opining on sexual abuse and harassment, just what we all needed.

All the young dudes?

[frunk]

Nice to see a bunch of dudes opining on sexual abuse and harassment, just what we all needed.

We are almost entirely all dudes here.  Our choices are to talk about it or not talk about it.  If there's a third alternative please let me know.

I don't think anybody has claimed they are particularly insightful on the topic (except maybe that facebook dude who isn't a poster here, and was mostly being mocked). 

[Valmy]

I was not mocking him. I was just not very clear what he was saying. He vaguely did some bad things and I guess went to the people he felt he had hurt and delt with it. Very 12 steps of him.

But if whining for something until you get it is abuse I need to report parent abuse. Granted I don't know about the relationship in question, maybe the woman in question felt like if she did not give him he would get violent or something. It is vague without much information besides to suggest that even if you don't think you traumatized somebody you might have anyway.

In the spirit of Joan of Arc I will just say: If I have traumatized somebody may I be forgiven and if I have not may I continue to not do so.

Edit: Oh wait did he not talk to the women he felt like he had hurt but rather 'women in his life'. Or is that what he meant? Again not sure. Going to talk to somebody about something I did to somebody else just because they resembled the other person in some way seems odd.

[Grey Fox]

His first premise is sound tho.

My facebook feed is full of #metoo & I'm wondering from all these girls I knew in high school, who was it? Was it me? I don't know the answer to that.

[The Brain]

I think most men have crossed a woman's boundaries at some point in their lives.

He's trying to normalize abuse. "I'm a douche and so is everyone else!" He's half right.

[Valmy]

They did this five years ago or so with #yesallwomen so...yeah be careful out there. Not that most of us need to worry about this sort of thing anymore.

[Valmy]

I think most men have crossed a woman's boundaries at some point in their lives.

He's trying to normalize abuse. "I'm a douche and so is everyone else!" He's half right.

Yeah that is a good point.

[Barrister]

I dunno - I get kind of frustrated at these sort of social media campaigns.

I saw a #metoo come up on my Facebook feed from a woman I know.  She went on to explain two incidents... one of which was a man said "she looked sexy" in a particular pose which made her feel uncomfortable.  I have no doubt it made her feel uncomfortable, but this constitutes sexual harassment?

I get frustrated because I know that all kinds of crazy sexual abuse and assault does go on in this world!  I do believe women.  I've prosecuted dozens of sex assaults.  But there has to be some kind of objective standard about what does constitute abuse or harassment.  In the criminal world harassment is behaviour which the offender knows will harass the victim, but continues with such behaviour.  An isolated comment does not apply.

But on the other hand, it is extremely valuable to re-assure victims that they are not alone.  Women really are told by their abusers "no one will ever believe you if you tell".  And we've seen the phenomenon at other times, and now again with Harvey Weinstein that once a critical mass is reached mroe and more women feel secure enough to come forward and tell their stories.

So... I've stared at this post for awhile before hitting send.  I don't really have a unifying "take" on the subject.  We do need to support abuse victims.  But not everyone who says they are an abuse victim really is one.

[Valmy]

Yeah if the #metoo hashtag just means somebody did some creepy shit that made you feel uncomfortable then I have a few incidents myself.

But the problem is that this stuff is based on feelings which are subjective. You don't want to tell somebody they are wrong for feeling a certain way. So it gets complicated fast.

[Razgovory]

When I told the doctor that I felt like the people on the city bus were reading my mind, I was told it was wrong to feel that way.  I admit, it was hurtful.

[CountDeMoney]

We do need to support abuse victims.  But not everyone who says they are an abuse victim really is one.

And feeling compelled to say that out loud accomplishes what useful and constructive purpose, exactly? Other than being a contrarian asshole, that is?

Fucking douchebag.

[Valmy]

We do need to support abuse victims.  But not everyone who says they are an abuse victim really is one.

And feeling compelled to say that out loud accomplishes what useful and constructive purpose, exactly? Other than being a contrarian asshole, that is?

Fucking douchebag.

Having a discussion about an important issue? I think many people have pointed out that problem and I have yet to hear a good solution. There might not be one.

[Grey Fox]

We do need to support abuse victims.  But not everyone who says they are an abuse victim really is one.

And feeling compelled to say that out loud accomplishes what useful and constructive purpose, exactly? Other than being a contrarian asshole, that is?

Fucking douchebag.

If there is no standard to what is or what is not abuse than we might as well just take your HC away & go back to being savages.

[Barrister]

We do need to support abuse victims.  But not everyone who says they are an abuse victim really is one.

And feeling compelled to say that out loud accomplishes what useful and constructive purpose, exactly? Other than being a contrarian asshole, that is?

Fucking douchebag.

This is a discussion board.  Discussing any particular topic here doesn't serve any useful and constructive purpose beyond furthering the discussion.

Stupid fuckhead.