What London would look like if Britain's historic spies were crap.

Started by Brazen, October 16, 2015, 07:42:58 AM

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Brazen

http://metro.co.uk/2015/10/16/this-is-what-london-would-look-like-if-britains-spies-were-crp-5443282/#mv-a



QuoteEverything could have turned out so differently.

Networks of spies operating in the Tudor and Stuart times made a huge difference to the country's religion and politics, by foiling assassination plots against major religious and political leaders.

But their work also affected our architecture in really interesting ways.

Now, historians are looking into espionage in Early Modern times for a new documentary, 'History's Ultimate Spies'.

And they've come up with these pretty cool depictions of what London would have looked like had the spies been crap at their jobs.

'In the Tudor and Stuart periods, England was under tremendous pressure from the Catholicism of mainland Europe, and was a country in transition,' Dr Tracey Borman, chief curator for Historic Royal Palaces, said.

'These religious tensions birthed scores of assassination attempts from within and declarations of war from elsewhere, and the role of Britain's spies should not be underplayed when discussing how history eventually unravelled.'

Here are the landscapes Londoners missed out on.

The South Bank

All those pretty first-date walks you've taken on the South Bank would have been pretty different if a plot to assassinate Elizabeth I hadn't been foiled by Francis Walsingham and his team of spies.

Castles in particular would be a lot more Scottish, given that Mary Queen of Scots would have taken Elizabeth's place.

Although it's reassuring to see that we'd still have the London Eye.

The City of London

If Thomas Cromwell's spies hadn't guided Henry VIII through... well, life, then there might have been no Protestantism, and there never would have been a dissolution of the monasteries.

Which means there would now be monasteries everywhere.

Really, everywhere. Even right in front of the Gherkin.

Westminster

Apparently, if Guy Fawkes' gunpowder plot had succeeded, a much more opulent palace would have been built for James I's daughter Elizabeth, in the place of the Palace of Westminster.

This has to be the weirdest, and saddest, of them all.

Think about it – imagine not seeing the spires of the Houses of Parliament?

The Brain

And Berlin if German spies hadn't been crap:



:(
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garbon

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mongers

Hope there's a follow- up series, 'What would British mainstream tv documentaries look like, if produces weren't so unimaginative and didn't, in desperation, latch onto the thinnest of ideas?'   :bowler:
"We have it in our power to begin the world over again"

Eddie Teach

Quote from: The Brain on October 16, 2015, 08:17:07 AM
And Berlin if German spies hadn't been crap:

Their spies would have had to be pretty damn awesome to have altered the outcome of the war.
To sleep, perchance to dream. But in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?

Valmy

Quote from: Peter Wiggin on October 16, 2015, 09:48:36 AM
Quote from: The Brain on October 16, 2015, 08:17:07 AM
And Berlin if German spies hadn't been crap:

Their spies would have had to be pretty damn awesome to have altered the outcome of the war.

They might have given Hitler an accurate portrayal of Soviet Strength instead of just assuming their entire military potential was located within 200 kM of the Stalin Line.
Quote"This is a Russian warship. I propose you lay down arms and surrender to avoid bloodshed & unnecessary victims. Otherwise, you'll be bombed."

Zmiinyi defenders: "Russian warship, go fuck yourself."

Valmy

Quote from: Brazen on October 16, 2015, 07:42:58 AM
Quote
If Thomas Cromwell's spies hadn't guided Henry VIII through... well, life, then there might have been no Protestantism, and there never would have been a dissolution of the monasteries.

Which means there would now be monasteries everywhere.

Really, everywhere. Even right in front of the Gherkin.

Just like how in countries like Italy and Poland you cannot go anywhere without stumbling into a monastery?
Quote"This is a Russian warship. I propose you lay down arms and surrender to avoid bloodshed & unnecessary victims. Otherwise, you'll be bombed."

Zmiinyi defenders: "Russian warship, go fuck yourself."

Eddie Teach

Quote from: Valmy on October 16, 2015, 10:27:28 AM
They might have given Hitler an accurate portrayal of Soviet Strength instead of just assuming their entire military potential was located within 200 kM of the Stalin Line.

You think that would have stopped Hitler from invading?
To sleep, perchance to dream. But in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?

Valmy

Quote from: Peter Wiggin on October 16, 2015, 10:53:26 AM
Quote from: Valmy on October 16, 2015, 10:27:28 AM
They might have given Hitler an accurate portrayal of Soviet Strength instead of just assuming their entire military potential was located within 200 kM of the Stalin Line.

You think that would have stopped Hitler from invading?

Even if it didn't the Germans would have had to adjust their plans. Maybe be better prepared for a winter campaign.

Good thing they didn't.
Quote"This is a Russian warship. I propose you lay down arms and surrender to avoid bloodshed & unnecessary victims. Otherwise, you'll be bombed."

Zmiinyi defenders: "Russian warship, go fuck yourself."

Syt

I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.
—Stephen Jay Gould

Proud owner of 42 Zoupa Points.

Valmy

Glad to see Nazi London is less strict with its Gun Control policies.
Quote"This is a Russian warship. I propose you lay down arms and surrender to avoid bloodshed & unnecessary victims. Otherwise, you'll be bombed."

Zmiinyi defenders: "Russian warship, go fuck yourself."

The Brain

Women want me. Men want to be with me.

Queequeg

Am I supposed to be upset at the idea that London might have a lot of Medieval monasteries? 
Quote from: PDH on April 25, 2009, 05:58:55 PM
"Dysthymia?  Did they get some student from the University of Chicago with a hard-on for ancient Bactrian cities to name this?  I feel cheated."

Valmy

Quote from: Queequeg on October 16, 2015, 04:21:50 PM
Am I supposed to be upset at the idea that London might have a lot of Medieval monasteries? 

It would mean less room for comically big ferris wheels.
Quote"This is a Russian warship. I propose you lay down arms and surrender to avoid bloodshed & unnecessary victims. Otherwise, you'll be bombed."

Zmiinyi defenders: "Russian warship, go fuck yourself."