The Off Topic Topic

[crazy canuck]

And you have to make a choice to either make an effort to assure people that no, you are a fluffy harmless bunny of a man or try to use this newfound power to your advantage. Or do one or the other depending on the situation.

This exactly.  Now imagine you have been well over 6 feet tall and north of 220 since your early teens.


The funny thing I have observed is most of the males whi play the power card are small and are compensating.

[Tamas]

Not having read the theoretical problem presented in detail, nor the discussion here, as I understand the proposition is a choice for women whether to be left alone in a wilderness with either a random man, or a bear, for a period of time.

Well, they would be stupid to choose the random man.

EDIT: disclaimer, if I was given the choice I am not sure I'd choose a random human of either sex for my "companion". A bear seems far more predictable - stay out of its way, not startle it and you are likely to be fine. A human might be up for all kinds of weird unpredictable stuff.

[Razgovory]

So women who go hiking and pass maybe 20 men during the day go are just in a state of extreme terror?

"She jogged down the path and stopped.  Coming towards her was a man, ambling down the trail.  He smiled briefly and nodded his head as he passed her.  She stopped, too afraid to move.  Afraid of provoking him.  'God, why couldn't it have been a grizzly'

[garbon]

So this just happened:
My doorbell rang. I opened the door to find one of the men (half my age) who delivered my furniture last week standing there saying, "I stopped to say hello & tell you how beautiful you are."
Next time I buy furniture I'm requesting it be delivered by bears

[grumbler]

This reminds me of a discussion I had with my girlfriend some time back.

She asked me what I would do if I was walking down the sidewalk in an otherwise empty street and saw a woman walking down the same sidewalk coming towards me.  I said something to the effect of just walking normally and trying to avoid anything but the most cursory eye contact and greeting.  She asked me if I had considered crossing the street and using that sidewalk.  I said "no."  We agreed that no men we knew would think to do that, but she pointed out that every woman either of us knew almost certainly wished that that is what I (and any other man) would do.

It really opened my eyes to the need to consider what I could fairly easily do to reduce the anxiety of women who might perceive themselves to be in a vulnerable position.  I know the Raz's of the world think that women are just being hysterical about possible threats (just because only half of them ever feel that their life at some point is in imminent danger).  But the Raz's of the world should be actively ignored.  What is so simple for a guy can be very meaningful to a woman.

[Valmy]

So this just happened:
My doorbell rang. I opened the door to find one of the men (half my age) who delivered my furniture last week standing there saying, "I stopped to say hello & tell you how beautiful you are."
Next time I buy furniture I'm requesting it be delivered by bears

Heh. that takes me back. Sometime around the year 2000 I was reading all these really negative reactions some women on the internet were making to what seemed to me fairly innocuous things said by men when they were approached. Now granted, I wasn't at any of those occasions so maybe those guys were especially scary in how they said it I don't know. And I just decided that I was just never ever going to ever approach a woman in public again. If at any time I ever made anybody feel as bad as those women clearly felt, it just wasn't worth it. I mean here this woman is acting like what seems like a fairly harmless statement is less preferable to being mauled by a wild animal.

The funny part is prior to this it would often by my woman friends going "oh you think she is cute? Go talk to her, it's cool." And I would and sure I would be terrified and all but typically the conversation was alright and usually she already was in a relationship or something, it seemed pleasant and harmless enough at the time. None of my woman friends ever mentioned that this might traumatize this woman and ruin her night. Kind of wish they had mentioned that part.

But yeah I am not in the "traumatize you and ruin your night" business. So I stopped ever doing that right there. I would meet women other ways.

[Valmy]

But the Raz's of the world should be actively ignored.  What is so simple for a guy can be very meaningful to a woman.

Raz is a self-professed shut in though.

[Tonitrus]

So this just happened:
My doorbell rang. I opened the door to find one of the men (half my age) who delivered my furniture last week standing there saying, "I stopped to say hello & tell you how beautiful you are."
Next time I buy furniture I'm requesting it be delivered by bears

Heh. that takes me back. ...

The problem with the above is not what he said, it is that he took advantage of knowledge gained in a professional/business transaction (her address) to be a creep and go back to say it.

[Sheilbh]

Yep - and if that happened to me I'd be basically be thinking about whether I need to move flat.

[Valmy]

The problem with the above is not what he said, it is that he took advantage of knowledge gained in a professional/business transaction (her address) to be a creep and go back to say it.

I guess. I can see that kid going "wow she was really beautiful" and then people going "oh yeah? Just go back and talk to her, you'll make her day" or some shit. And the dude got up the nerve and walked up there and instead freaked her the fuck out. Or maybe he is just a creepy asshole...who knows I wasn't there.

But still. Don't ever do that. Ever. That's the lesson. And don't listen to those well meaning fools who want you to approach them.

Yep - and if that happened to me I'd be basically be thinking about whether I need to move flat.

Really? I would be like "holy shit, somebody thinks I am super hot? I mean thanks pal but I am married and straight."

I mean the closest anything like that has ever happened to me is when I was with a group of my guy friends in Vegas and a bunch of women came up to us and were like "you guys are cute come party with us" and we had to politely turn them down. Only the fact they were just wearing normal street clothes has me sort of convinced they weren't sex workers.

[Sheilbh]

Really? I would be like "holy shit, somebody thinks I am super hot? I mean thanks pal but I am married and straight."

I mean the closest anything like that has ever happened to me is when I was with a group of my guy friends in Vegas and a bunch of women came up to us and were like "you guys are cute come party with us" and we had to politely turn them down. Only the fact they were just wearing normal street clothes has me sort of convinced they weren't sex workers.

But I don't feel that's anything like a delivery guy dropping off some furniture (or a cabbie or whatever else) "stopping by" to hit on you a week later.

(Practically speaking I might wonder about moving flat but it would also depend what this twenty-something delivery guy looked like - but that's just male privilege )

[Valmy]

But I don't feel that's anything like a delivery guy dropping off some furniture (or a cabbie or whatever else) "stopping by" to hit on you a week later.

That is why I think he wanted to say something at the time but chickened out or wisely realized how unprofessional that would be and then some of his "friends" encouraged or pressured him to go back and take a shot at it. You normally wouldn't wait a week to do that.

[Sheilbh]

I think that's a very kind reading. My first thought would be that I now have a stalker who, a week (and hundreds of deliveries) later still remembers where I live.

[Valmy]

I think that's a very kind reading. My first thought would be that I now have a stalker who, a week (and hundreds of deliveries) later still remembers where I live.

Maybe but he is also just a kid thus prone to making well meaning idiotic choices. But sure.

Also it just shows that approaching women, and gay men apparently, will make them think you might be a stalker. So, again, don't fucking do it.

[Sophie Scholl]

As someone with a rather unique perspective on this: men need to stop talking, listen, and do better. A lot better. As bad as you may think it is? It is worse.