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Do you want your wife to use your name?

Started by MadImmortalMan, February 16, 2014, 12:47:08 AM

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Wife takes husband's last name. Yea or nea.

Yep
17 (38.6%)
Nope
19 (43.2%)
Nobody will marry me
8 (18.2%)

Total Members Voted: 44

MadImmortalMan

My own situation was a strange one, since I've been using my step-dad's last name since I was twelve. Because my mom wanted me to.

So I decided to let Mrs. MIM pick what last name we took together. She picked my stepdad's name and oh boy was my dad's family pissed about it. Oh well.

Several of my brothers have been having kids and naming them the name we picked, effectively shutting down the family name of my dad. I feel kinda bad about that, but hey he shouldn't have left my mom.  :P

You gotta live with your consequences.

But my question is really this---If I had not had a dysfunctional jackass family, would it have been important to me for my wife to take my name? I think it would, and it's a result of a conversation about political candidates. It turns out I reflexively vote against any person with a hyphenated last name. You can't have the same name as your kids? Really? My own cousin-in-law goes by her maiden name rather than taking my awesome cousin's last name, even though she owes every bit of success she's ever had to him and his connections.

Remember that dude Blagojevich? Yeah, my cousin quit as his budget chief a while before he went to jail. I'm also related to Jesse James and Devil Anse Hatfield. Anyway...

If Mrs. MIM had decided she wanted to keep her name I would have had a huge problem with that. I might have decided to take her name too, but I think I would have been more comfortable with her taking one of the ones I had to offer. Which is what happened.

I made the poll male-centric because this is Languish. We don't have girls.
"Stability is destabilizing." --Hyman Minsky

"Complacency can be a self-denying prophecy."
"We have nothing to fear but lack of fear itself." --Larry Summers

HVC

#1
I don't really care, to tell the truth. I'd only be concerned why my hypothetical wife wouldn't want to take my name. If she likes hers or has recognition/connections because of it, cool. If she didn't want to to take it because of the patriarchy or something I admit I'd be put off
Being lazy is bad; unless you still get what you want, then it's called "patience".
Hubris must be punished. Severely.

derspiess

I let my wife keep her maiden name until after she got her citizenship.  Did not want to confuse the geniuses at NIS/ICE.
"If you can play a guitar and harmonica at the same time, like Bob Dylan or Neil Young, you're a genius. But make that extra bit of effort and strap some cymbals to your knees, suddenly people want to get the hell away from you."  --Rich Hall

Viking

I'm going straight up old fashioned reactionary here. She must keep her name. If she insists on changing she can use <father-in-laws-name>sdóttir.
First Maxim - "There are only two amounts, too few and enough."
First Corollary - "You cannot have too many soldiers, only too few supplies."
Second Maxim - "Be willing to exchange a bad idea for a good one."
Second Corollary - "You can only be wrong or agree with me."

A terrorist which starts a slaughter quoting Locke, Burke and Mill has completely missed the point.
The fact remains that the only person or group to applaud the Norway massacre are random Islamists.

Phillip V

How much more convenient is it for the family if both parents share last names?

sbr

Quote from: derspiess on February 16, 2014, 12:57:31 AM
I let my wife keep her maiden name until after she got her citizenship.  Did not want to confuse the geniuses at NIS/ICE.

:worthy:

HVC

Hey married a Latin woman, you know he's whipped. On here it's all for show :P
Being lazy is bad; unless you still get what you want, then it's called "patience".
Hubris must be punished. Severely.

MadImmortalMan

#7
Quote from: Phillip V on February 16, 2014, 01:11:26 AM
How much more convenient is it for the family if both parents share last names?


For the kids it's a big deal. Maybe not as much now but that was my experience in the 80s and 90s.

I think a family pooling it all says we're in this together now.


Edit: Mom saying "yeah but my name is Evans" kinda tells you she's only got one foot in the hole.
"Stability is destabilizing." --Hyman Minsky

"Complacency can be a self-denying prophecy."
"We have nothing to fear but lack of fear itself." --Larry Summers

Josquius

#8
3 slightly modified to include the word "decent".
But generally yes. Or more importantly at the least any kids I have should. I'm the oldest of the male line in my generation,  no matrilineal marriage for me!
Since I'm going to marry a foreigner the kid's first name should be foreign.
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Viking

Quote from: Phillip V on February 16, 2014, 01:11:26 AM
How much more convenient is it for the family if both parents share last names?

Coming from a culture which uses patronymic names using family names is considered gauche, pretentious and anti-patriotic, using matronyms is considered either a sign of disfunction either in the mother or the family (e.g. she doesn't know who the father is or father molested kids).

It's all about cultural context. While my family was living in the states we used mine and my brother's last names (as opposed to my father's or mother's) on the grounds that it was used by half the family. That was just to fit into american social norms of kind "this is the Vikingsson family"
First Maxim - "There are only two amounts, too few and enough."
First Corollary - "You cannot have too many soldiers, only too few supplies."
Second Maxim - "Be willing to exchange a bad idea for a good one."
Second Corollary - "You can only be wrong or agree with me."

A terrorist which starts a slaughter quoting Locke, Burke and Mill has completely missed the point.
The fact remains that the only person or group to applaud the Norway massacre are random Islamists.

MadImmortalMan

Quote from: Tyr on February 16, 2014, 01:23:28 AM
Since I'm going to marry a foreigner the kid's first name should be foreign.

Okay THAT'S a good point!

What are the benefits?
"Stability is destabilizing." --Hyman Minsky

"Complacency can be a self-denying prophecy."
"We have nothing to fear but lack of fear itself." --Larry Summers

MadImmortalMan

Quote from: Viking on February 16, 2014, 01:27:22 AM
It's all about cultural context. While my family was living in the states we used mine and my brother's last names (as opposed to my father's or mother's) on the grounds that it was used by half the family.

Plz explain.
"Stability is destabilizing." --Hyman Minsky

"Complacency can be a self-denying prophecy."
"We have nothing to fear but lack of fear itself." --Larry Summers

Viking

Quote from: Tyr on February 16, 2014, 01:23:28 AM
3 slightly modified to include the word "decent".
But generally yes. Or more importantly at the least any kids I have should. I'm the oldest of the male line in my generation,  no matrilineal marriage for me!
Since I'm going to marry a foreigner the kid's first name should be foreign.

Pedro Wang?
M'Bala Smirnov?
Adbullah Singh?
First Maxim - "There are only two amounts, too few and enough."
First Corollary - "You cannot have too many soldiers, only too few supplies."
Second Maxim - "Be willing to exchange a bad idea for a good one."
Second Corollary - "You can only be wrong or agree with me."

A terrorist which starts a slaughter quoting Locke, Burke and Mill has completely missed the point.
The fact remains that the only person or group to applaud the Norway massacre are random Islamists.

Viking

Quote from: MadImmortalMan on February 16, 2014, 01:29:16 AM
Quote from: Viking on February 16, 2014, 01:27:22 AM
It's all about cultural context. While my family was living in the states we used mine and my brother's last names (as opposed to my father's or mother's) on the grounds that it was used by half the family.

Plz explain.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Icelandic_name

QuoteIn Iceland, listings such as the telephone directory are alphabetised by first name rather than surname. To reduce ambiguity, the telephone directory goes further by also listing professions. In Russia, where name-patronyms of similar style were historically used (such as Ivan Petrovich), the much larger population necessitated the introduction of surnames, and delegated the patronymic to record-keeping middle-name and conversational honorific.
Icelanders formally address others by their first names. By way of example, the former prime minister Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir would not be introduced as 'Ms Sigurðardóttir' but either by her first name or her full name, and usually addressed by her first name only.
In the case of two people in the same group having the same given name, perhaps one named Jón Stefánsson and the other Jón Þorláksson, one could address Jón Stefánsson as "Jón Stefáns" and Jón Þorláksson as "Jón Þorláks". When someone holds a conversation with these two people at the same time, the appendage "son" would not need to be used; in that case, the father's name could be used like a nickname, although it is just as common in such cases to refer to people by their middle names (having a middle name being nowadays the general rule for people with a common name like 'Jón').
While the name of Icelandic singer and actress Björk is generally perceived as her stage name, it is actually simply her first name (her full name is Björk Guðmundsdóttir). Björk is how any Icelander would address her, whether formally or casually.
As a result of the vast majority of people using patronymics, a family will normally have a variety of last names: the children of (married or unmarried) parents Jón Einarsson and Bryndís Atladóttir could be named Ólafur Jónsson and Katrín Jónsdóttir. With matronymics, the children in this example would be Ólafur Bryndísarson and Katrín Bryndísardóttir. Patronymics thus have the formula (genitive case of father's name, usually adding -s) + son/dóttir, whereas matronymics are (genitive case of mother's name, often -ar) + son/dóttir.
The Icelandic naming system occasionally causes problems for families travelling abroad, especially with young children, since non-Icelandic customs staff (apart from those of other Nordic countries) are usually unfamiliar with the practice and therefore expect children to have the surnames of their parents.
However, people of Icelandic descent who live in foreign countries, such as the significant Icelandic community in the Canadian province of Manitoba, usually abandon the traditional Icelandic naming system. In most cases they adapt to the naming conventions of their country of residence—most commonly by retaining the patronymic of their first ancestor to immigrate to the new country as a permanent family surname, much as other Scandinavian immigrants did before surnames became fully established in their own countries.[6]

Being born in england my birth certificate was filled in by the local hospital staff, so the name on my birth certificate is literally "Viking, daughter of Maternal Grandfather"

Because in my family we have two sons and no daughters "son of father" is the most common last name, so we used it as the common last name in situations where families are addressed with a common name.
First Maxim - "There are only two amounts, too few and enough."
First Corollary - "You cannot have too many soldiers, only too few supplies."
Second Maxim - "Be willing to exchange a bad idea for a good one."
Second Corollary - "You can only be wrong or agree with me."

A terrorist which starts a slaughter quoting Locke, Burke and Mill has completely missed the point.
The fact remains that the only person or group to applaud the Norway massacre are random Islamists.

Josquius

Quote
Pedro Wang?
M'Bala Smirnov?
Adbullah Singh?
:yes:
(s)he will be: a child of the future.

Quote from: MadImmortalMan on February 16, 2014, 01:27:58 AM
Quote from: Tyr on February 16, 2014, 01:23:28 AM
Since I'm going to marry a foreigner the kid's first name should be foreign.

Okay THAT'S a good point!

What are the benefits?
Gives them aspects of both cultures, lets them still fit in overseas (in some countries foreign names are rare. Mainly looking at Japan here) whilst still being fine in the UK (where you can be called anything and nobody bats an eyelid).
Plus its cool.
Names that work equally well in both cultures are also a good way to go though are often limited and a bit overdone.
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