Best (one-liner) lessons your parents/guardians taught you as a kid

[Capetan Mihali]

By one-liner meaning not, e.g. "the value of hard work" generally; things that get to the point.  Not Henny Youngman style one-liners.


From my mother, two come to mind.

1) "When in doubt, go out."
-- If you feel vaguely shitty and homebodyish but have a social invitation, and are borderline on it, just fucking go.  I think that stupid cliche has kept me much less "Aspergersish" than I otherwise might have been.  Sometimes, I've been getting the bus home and thought "I'd have much rather stayed in," but as a general rule it's golden.

2) When you try to "help out," you actually need to be helpful.
-- Like offering to do the dishes for someone at the end of a dinner party; making a helpful gesture doesn't improve anyone's well-being unless you can actually be helpful.  Otherwise, don't do it.  Because it increases the work and is fucking frustrating, not gracious.

From my father... Yelling at people (esp. on the phone or at your family) usually helps you get what you want.  Not one I've personally followed, but I've seen the outcome.  Excellent cable and phone deals have resulted.  Also many road rage confrontations, but overall successful for him.  And, from his own New Deal-raised pop, that taxes are not theft but a public obligation that supports us all and should be honored.

From my grandad (mom's stepfather): 1) holding doors; 2) standing up when people come in the room, in any setting that's not totally casual.  #2 often makes me look a little ole-fashioned but it suits my nervous nature, and can be quite endearing, I've observed.


What about you lot?

[CountDeMoney]

"If you act crazy, black people will leave you alone."--Dad, 1981.

[Admiral Yi]

"Some people have inferiority complexes, and some are just inferior."

[Eddie Teach]

"Life's not fair."

[Capetan Mihali]

You know, though I don't consider him a parent or guardian, Yi's bar tipping line -- "The only situation where $1.00 separates a chump from a stud" (paraphrased) -- will go down with everything else. 

At a restaurant, you're only a chump or stud memory (though I always tip 20% plus [or minus for ease of accounting]), but at a bar, fuck it, you're already investing in the atmosphere by paying 6 times for your Miller than what you could drink at home out of a case.  Two bucks on the first drink, at least, is a damn investment, if nothing else.  But I've definitely done Joseph's $10 for two beers on an $8.50 and never ever caught flak or even shade for it.

[Admiral Yi]

 

As long as your soliciting, another original truism I am rather proud of is it's very cheap to live in the US; what's expensive is impressing others.

Said in response to a recently arrived North African cab driver in DC who was commenting on the expense of the US.  He was thunderstruck by the strength of truth of my words.

[merithyn]

My mom - "I don't care who started it. I'm ending it." Alternate ending: "It ends now."

[crazy canuck]

My Grandfather who was concerned about floods - "Never build on the flat"  and as you may know I took this advice to heart.

My father - "You make your own luck"

[DGuller]

My father - "You make your own luck"

[11B4V]

No good deed ever goes unpunished.

[Syt]

I don't think I ever got any folksy life advice from my parents. My dad was not a man of many words and hardly talked to us on the best of days. And my Mom ...

When pondering changes in life - "With the current [Job, apartment, ...], you at least know what you have - do you know for sure things won't get worse when you change things?"
When setting goals - "Start low (risk as little as possible), and if that works, move forward." (Which is why I was not sent to the more advanced school after elementary that my teachers had highly recommended for me.)
And, when she was not happy with a decision of ours, "You have to know what's best for you." (Like going to Vienna, for example.)

[Razgovory]

"Some people have inferiority complexes, and some are just inferior."

So is this the one you've lived your life by?

[mongers]

.....

From my mother, two come to mind.

1) "When in doubt, go out."
-- If you feel vaguely shitty and homebodyish but have a social invitation, and are borderline on it, just fucking go.  I think that stupid cliche has kept me much less "Aspergersish" than I otherwise might have been.  Sometimes, I've been getting the bus home and thought "I'd have much rather stayed in," but as a general rule it's golden.
.....

I like this, it's rather good practical advice, more than half the time it'll work and as you say, especially helps with those not disposed to social events. 

[Scipio]

Sounds like a personal problem.

You're only as old as the woman you feel.

It's a long way to Timbuktu.

If you can't help, get out of the way.

[garbon]

Sorry but my parents didn't speak in maxims.