Cal eats his way around the world, or the Cal Colon Report

[Caliga]

So I finished up at the Epcot Food and Wine Festival today and I have complied an AAR of the food and beverage offerings, in order of best to worst.  In addition to the usual country pavilions they had a bunch more temporary and not-so-temporary national booths as part of the festival.

WINNER:  Brazil

My single favorite item wasn't at Brazil, but Brazil had great offerings overall and live guitar music in the largest of the 'booths'.  It's pretty obvious they are looking at expanding Brazil into a permanent exhibit, given the effort that went into this one and the fact that there are a shit ton of Brazilians visiting Disney World these days.

I had fried pork belly with black beans, tomato, and cilantro, pao de queijo, and a frozen caipirinha with LeBlon Cachaca at this pavilion.  Also a lady fainted outside of it while we were eating, which was pretty neat.

Also, the guitar dude did Girl From Ipanema at the request of some Brazilian dudes, which I thought was pretty odd, but ok.

RUNNER UP:  Puerto Rico

Another of the larger booths with a large dedicated dining area.  Here we had outstanding tostones with what tasted like fry sauce, and I think we also got a rum cocktail but I can't rememer for sure.    I've also heard rumors of a permanent Puerto Rico exhibit going in at Epcot, which seems pretty weird to me since it ain't a country, but since Puerto Rico is awesome I'd be ok with that if it happened, especially if it sort of represented the Caribbean as a whole.

This was another huge booth and I think at some points they were also doing music, but not while we were actually there.

[Caliga]

# 3 : New Zealand

All I had here was a lamb meatball with spicy tomato chutney, but it was the shitznit so it comes in at third place.

# 4 : Poland

At Poland I ate some sliced kielbasa and two potato pierogi with fried onion and cream.  I have had better pierogi but the kielbasa was surprisingly good, which is why I'm giving it this ranking.

# 5 : Scotland

Here I had vegetarian haggis with neeps and tatties (not sure what was in the haggis.... the neeps and tatties were in this case mashed rutabaga and taters).  I've still never had real haggis but if it tastes anything like this stuff I'd definitely like it.

# 6 : Mexico

This booth sold something called 'sweet corn cheese cake', which as far as I know isn't a real Mexican food, but it sounded intriguing so I had to try it.  It was actually really good, and if I ever saw this at a Mexican joint I'd order it again for sure.  I didn't see any corn kernels so I guess the corn was pureed or something since it definitely had a strong corn flavor.  I was disappointed they didn't have fried crickets at the Mexico booth because I've always wanted to try those.

[Caliga]

# 7 : Australia

At this booth I had a pavlova, which is an Australian dessert I've heard of but never tried before.  Basically, it's a meringue shell with custard in the middle topped with fresh fruit (in this case, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and blackberries).  I enjoyed it.

# 8 : France

I would have given France a higher score, but the French dude who rung my order up fucked it up and instead of fixing it, just said "I ZO SORREE!" and waved me on.  Shocking to get rude service from a French guy, I know.   Here I had an escargot tart with a garlic, spinach, bacon, and parmesan sauce topping, and Princesca got some creme brulee topped with salted caramel that she let me try... both were delicious.

# 9 : South Korea

The only foods at this booth all involved kimchi in some way, which I didn't really want on the day I visited it because it was insanely hot and humid, so I instead got some stuff called Bokbunjajoo which I guess is a wine made by Bohae from black raspberries.  It was good, but I've had raspberry wine before and it really didn't seem different or special in any way.

# 10 : Patagonia

I'm not sure why this booth wasn't called Argentina since it was just Argentine stuff as far as I could tell.  I got a Beef Empanada here.  It was decent but I've had better at Cuban and Puerto Rican restaurants.

[mongers]

 

Good going there champ, keep it coming (not in the Ed.Anger way)

[Caliga]

# 10 : Germany

I didn't really give Germany a fair shake because I eat great German food all the time at home, and my cousin who was there at the festival with us tried the food and said it sucked.  So all I had here was a beer called Altenmunster Oktoberfest.  I have had better Oktoberfest-style beers but by no means was it 'bad'.

# 11 : Japan

I also didn't really give Japan a chance.  This was another booth I visited when it was hot as balls and I really didn't want sushi in those conditions, so all I had here was a glass of Kirin beer on draft.

# 12: Greece

Here we got griddled 'Greek' cheese with pistachios and honey.  They didn't say so, but I'm guessing the cheese was that Halloumi stuff which I've bought and made myself before.  It was kind of on the rubbery side when we got it and was a bit overpowered by the honey.  Not terrible but assuming it was Halloumi, I've prepared it better myself.

# 13 : Hawaii

Here I ate a Kalua pork slider with pineapple chutney and spicy mayo.  Again, like Puerto Rico, not sure why Hawaii gets a booth when it's not an independent country (and if they get a booth, why doesn't say Louisiana get one for cajun stuff?)  Princesca really loved this but I thought it was just ok.  The pork didn't taste smoked and I thought Kalua style pork was slow smoked in a fire pit?

# 14: China

At this booth I ordered 'Mongolian beef in a steamed bun with chili mayo'.  What I got was not at all what I was expecting.  I assumed it would be like a bun with filling, which I've had a dimsum places, but instead it was like a little steamed flatbread folded like a taco with the meat.  I thought it was odd for a China booth to serve a mayonnaise topping (though it tasted good), but on top of that they sprinked some of those dry noodle things people like to put on tuna cassrole.

[Ideologue]

"Escargot tart"?

I mean, I like snails, and I like tarts...

Is "tart" being used in a different sense than its standard usage, i.e. "rectangular pastry filled with fruit-flavored sugar"?

[Caliga]

THE WORST BOOTH AT THE EPCOT FOOD AND WINE FESTIVAL AWARD GOES TO:




.....




CANADA!
O Canada
why do you suck so bad?

So at this booth Princesca got a filet mignon with 'wild mushrooms' and truffle butter sauce, and I got 'Canadian Cheddar Cheese Soup'.  Now, these offerings annoyed me before I even tried them, because the filet was just a cheap attempt to advertise the Le Cellier Steakhouse at the Canada pavilion, which used to be great but has gone way downhill in recent years.  I mean, why else would a Canada booth serve steak?  Only Canadians eat steak?  Also, plenty of people in Kentucky make cheese soup.  I guess what I'm trying to say is:  WHERE THE FUCK WAS THE POUTINE!?

So the filet was itself not bad, but the mushrooms were cold and tasteless and the truffle sauce was nowhere to be found (as in I think they forgot to serve ours with it).  The cheese soup tasted like someone force-fed Velveeta to Jaron and then he shit in a cup for me to eat out of.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!  So after that letdown Princesca said "my feet hurt, let's go watch the O Canada movie so we can sit down for a bit."  We go into the theater and there are no fucking seats in there!  I guess in Canada they force people to stand and watch movies?   As if that wasn't annoying enough, the movie starts and it turns out the most badass Canadian they could find to narrate it was MARTIN. FUCKING. SHORT.   Then midway through the movie, which was just a tourism commercial for Canada I guess, they are like "Here are some of our great Canadian entertainers" and front and center is CELINE DION

In conclusion, fuck you Canada.  Where's my god damn poutine?  I would have settled for cheese curds or butter tarts too 

[Ed Anger]

No butter tarts? 

[Caliga]

"Escargot tart"?

I mean, I like snails, and I like tarts...

Is "tart" being used in a different sense than its standard usage, i.e. "rectangular pastry filled with fruit-flavored sugar"?

Technically it was a tartlette.   But it was a rectangular pastry filled with savory gastropod goodness.

[Caliga]

No butter tarts? 

No shit...    They also had rainbow trout, but again I am not sure how that is 'Canadian' as I can and have gotten that plenty of times here.  Oh, I forgot to mention that the only beer they had was Moosehead lager, which I've had once before and didn't like.

[Admiral Yi]

Walleye could be considered Canadian.

One of my uncles claims that only Canadians are allowed to fish walleye from the Great Lakes.

[Caliga]

Booths I did not visit:

"Terra" - hippy vegan shit

Africa - only thing they had that interested me was bobotie, but I had a ton of that a few nights ago at Boma

Singapore - they had chicken curry that looked crappy and seared mahi mahi, which I get fairly often elsewhere

Italy - nothing that I can't easily get at a good Italian joint back home

Morocco - same as Italy (there's an excellent middle eastern place right by my office)

Belgium - potato and leek waffles?  YUM! not

Ireland - lobster pie

[Eddie Teach]

So, 15 booths in how many days? 

[The Brain]

"Escargot tart"?

I mean, I like snails, and I like tarts...

Is "tart" being used in a different sense than its standard usage, i.e. "rectangular pastry filled with fruit-flavored sugar"?

Escargot tarts.

[Josquius]

Canada & Poutine- Its funny how Canadians speak of this as some unique cultural treasure. We have that in the UK too, we just call it cheesy chips and gravy. It is a very low class food. But good.

Africa - only thing they had that interested me was bobotie, but I had a ton of that a few nights ago at Boma

Ireland and New Zealand get their own booths .But Africa? That's just one country right?