http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-its-not-okay-to-just-start-talking-to-peopl,29610/
QuoteSTANFORD, CA—Citing how devastatingly uncomfortable it makes people feel, a new report released by the Stanford University Sociology Department revealed Wednesday that it's never okay to just start talking to someone you don't know.
The report, which analyzed numerous conversations that took place over a nine-month period from September of last year through May, states that approaching a complete and total stranger and saying "Beautiful day," "That's nice, where did you get that?" or "Hello" is, under no circumstance, acceptable.
In fact, the study confirmed that in 0 percent of cases do individuals ever want to be spoken to by someone they don't know, and that it is "downright wrong" to put people who are just going about their day in the awkward position of having to be polite and feign interest in what you—an unknown intruder, essentially—are saying.
"We found that the only people it's appropriate to talk to are friends and relatives—no one else," the study's lead author, Dr. Simon Gamble, told reporters, adding that dads, senior citizens, and "people who think they're being friendly but really need to just mind their own business" are typically guilty of trying to relate to unfamiliar people. "Ninety-five percent of the time, the people being talked to experience an extreme spike in anxiety. The only thoughts going through their heads during these unwanted conversations with strangers are 'Stop talking to me. I don't know you. Please go away.'"
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Experts say something like this, with two people who know each other, is fine.
"If you feel the urge to talk to someone you don't know, the right thing to do is suppress the impulse and just leave that individual alone," he continued, adding that cordially smiling at someone you've never met is also not okay. "It doesn't matter if you both happen to be wearing the same T-shirt."
The report indicates that even in situations in which you might share common circumstances with a stranger—such as when you are both in a long line that doesn't seem to be moving, or are both experiencing hot, cold, nice, or terrible weather—it is unacceptable to verbally acknowledge that reality. The appropriate thing to do, the report notes, is to face forward and keep silent.
In addition, just because you are sitting next to someone you don't know on a bus or airplane, that doesn't give you any right to talk to that person, even if he or she is reading a book you once read. The study goes on to state that talking to an unfamiliar person in a setting where the individual essentially can't escape the conversation is "one of the cruelest things one human being can do to another human being."
"Often, the person being talked to will laugh at the other's jokes," Gamble said. "This is always fake laughter."
The study confirmed the following people never want to be spoken to by a stranger: people eating at the same restaurant as you; someone who is wearing a pair of shoes or a hat you like; individuals who are also waiting for the same delayed train; coworkers; a man or woman who is using a laptop you are considering buying for yourself; an individual attending the same sporting event as you; a young person who works at a job you once had years ago; and anyone who has children or pets, especially if you are a person who also has children or pets.
"If you are an outgoing individual who likes striking up conversations with strangers, you are a source of constant discomfort in this world, and have nothing to offer but anxiety and pain," said Dr. Andrea Malcolm, chair of the Department of Psychiatry and Human Behavior at Brown University. "People don't care that you once owned the same car or cellular phone as them, or that you loved it. They don't care about your opinion one way or the other. They just want you to stop making their lives a living hell."
"To them," Malcolm continued, "you might as well be a crazy person, because why are you talking to someone you don't even know?"
According to the report, the people who are living correctly are those who don't want to step outside their comfort zones and relate to others.
"Your comfort zone is there for a reason," Gamble said. "It's so you can stay comfortable. If someone breaches that by saying hello to you, that person is the asshole, not you. Remember that.
Is there a joke here somewhere? :huh: Seems sensible to me.
Quote from: DGuller on September 25, 2012, 03:35:55 PM
Is there a joke here somewhere? :huh: Seems sensible to me.
A true Languishite response.
Is Dorsey: An antisocial socialist?
I was good until I read the no smiling at people you don't know line, which seemed a bit off, then I looked up and saw it was the onion. I think the study hit the nail on the head for 90% of the article though.
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:24:28 PM
I was good until I read the no smiling at people you don't know line, which seemed a bit off, then I looked up and saw it was the onion. I think the study hit the nail on the head for 90% of the article though.
You can't possibly be serious.
Quote from: jimmy olsen on September 25, 2012, 05:25:23 PM
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:24:28 PM
I was good until I read the no smiling at people you don't know line, which seemed a bit off, then I looked up and saw it was the onion. I think the study hit the nail on the head for 90% of the article though.
You can't possibly be serious.
Why is that?
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:27:35 PM
Quote from: jimmy olsen on September 25, 2012, 05:25:23 PM
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:24:28 PM
I was good until I read the no smiling at people you don't know line, which seemed a bit off, then I looked up and saw it was the onion. I think the study hit the nail on the head for 90% of the article though.
You can't possibly be serious.
Why is that?
Because in everyday business transactions, 90% of the time you're dealing with people you don't know, unless you live in a really small town.
Where's the corollary finding that it's rarely okay to just start talking to people you do know?
Quote from: dps on September 25, 2012, 09:45:59 PM
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:27:35 PM
Quote from: jimmy olsen on September 25, 2012, 05:25:23 PM
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:24:28 PM
I was good until I read the no smiling at people you don't know line, which seemed a bit off, then I looked up and saw it was the onion. I think the study hit the nail on the head for 90% of the article though.
You can't possibly be serious.
Why is that?
Because in everyday business transactions, 90% of the time you're dealing with people you don't know, unless you live in a really small town.
That's not really what they are discussing though. Pretty much every example they have is someone speaking to you unnecessarily / just to have a conversation.
Quote from: garbon on September 25, 2012, 11:43:26 PM
Quote from: dps on September 25, 2012, 09:45:59 PM
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:27:35 PM
Quote from: jimmy olsen on September 25, 2012, 05:25:23 PM
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:24:28 PM
I was good until I read the no smiling at people you don't know line, which seemed a bit off, then I looked up and saw it was the onion. I think the study hit the nail on the head for 90% of the article though.
You can't possibly be serious.
Why is that?
Because in everyday business transactions, 90% of the time you're dealing with people you don't know, unless you live in a really small town.
That's not really what they are discussing though. Pretty much every example they have is someone speaking to you unnecessarily / just to have a conversation.
If you are an American in visiting Calgary you might feel inadequate without your gun in such a situation.
Why would I go to Calgary?
Quote from: garbon on September 26, 2012, 12:06:52 AM
Why would I go to Calgary?
You are in too good of a mood and need to be brought down a little.
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:27:35 PM
Quote from: jimmy olsen on September 25, 2012, 05:25:23 PM
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:24:28 PM
I was good until I read the no smiling at people you don't know line, which seemed a bit off, then I looked up and saw it was the onion. I think the study hit the nail on the head for 90% of the article though.
You can't possibly be serious.
Why is that?
Do you meet everyone you know through introduction? :huh:
Quote from: garbon on September 25, 2012, 11:43:26 PM
Quote from: dps on September 25, 2012, 09:45:59 PM
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:27:35 PM
Quote from: jimmy olsen on September 25, 2012, 05:25:23 PM
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:24:28 PM
I was good until I read the no smiling at people you don't know line, which seemed a bit off, then I looked up and saw it was the onion. I think the study hit the nail on the head for 90% of the article though.
You can't possibly be serious.
Why is that?
Because in everyday business transactions, 90% of the time you're dealing with people you don't know, unless you live in a really small town.
That's not really what they are discussing though. Pretty much every example they have is someone speaking to you unnecessarily / just to have a conversation.
Let's put it another way. In customer service, I'd estimate that about 75% of the conversations you have with customers are unnecessary, but if you don't engage in them, you'll won't have any customers.
I found that while in Britain and Ireland, people would be much more forgiving of chatting them up at random when they realized I was North American. I think they look at us as hyper-friendly and give us more leeway. Helps when you need directions or something in a place that doesn't believe in standardized street signs.
I was just testing, and irl I'm nothing close to hyper-friendly. :P
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on September 26, 2012, 12:50:14 AM
I found that while in Britain and Ireland, people would be much more forgiving of chatting them up at random when they realized I was North American. I think they look at us as hyper-friendly and give us more leeway. Helps when you need directions or something in a place that doesn't believe in standardized street signs.
I was just testing, and irl I'm nothing close to hyper-friendly. :P
Perhaps you are by the standards of the British Isles.
Our boss said yesterday he hates people saying good morning/good bye when getting into/out of the elevators. He contemplates answering with "Get lost", or talking casually to a coworker, "I shot my neighbor's dog this morning. Fucking thing wouldn't stop barking so I just had to put a cap in it."
Personally, I think it depends on circumstance. If you go into a shop and have small talk with he staff who service you - sure. In a bar? Definitely. A random person walking up to you in the subway or in the street? Heck, no. They be crazy, and weirdos.
In fact we tried to make it a betting forefeit to sit in the subway and introduce yourself to your co-travellers. "Hi, my name is ..., and I'll be your travelling companion for this ride. What's your name?"
It was not accepted, because no one wanted to be beaten up or have the cops called on them. :P
I agree with the sane people here.
Walking up to a stranger and starting a conversation is unacceptable, unless there is an appropriate social context that demands interaction (such as talking to the staff at a store; or if you want to ask for directions or the time, but thankfully, ubiquitous smartphones are making sure everybody knows the time and directions to any place, so people who ask for them are weirdos and need to be reported to the police). Saying "hello" and "good bye" in elevators is fine, but afterwards you are supposed to shut up and avoid eye contact (again, pretending you are reading something on your smartphone helps).
Incidentally, there are very few things that piss me off more than walking into the store and being accosted by a staff member asking me if he or she can help me with anything, when I am quite obviously browsing on my own, not needing any help and avoiding any eye contact with them or otherwise refusing to acknowledge their existence in any way. Same goes for waiters/waitresses asking me if everything is fine, when I am just taking my first bite of food and/or are in the middle of a conversation with other people at the table.
:frusty:
Quote from: jimmy olsen on September 25, 2012, 05:25:23 PM
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:24:28 PM
I was good until I read the no smiling at people you don't know line, which seemed a bit off, then I looked up and saw it was the onion. I think the study hit the nail on the head for 90% of the article though.
You can't possibly be serious.
I agree with Tim. Smiling at other people you don't know means you are an insane nut job. So the study hit the nail on the head for 100% of the article.
like the other socially inept people here, I concluded "makes perfect sense" until I saw it was the Onion :P
Quote from: MadImmortalMan on September 26, 2012, 12:50:14 AM
I found that while in Britain and Ireland, people would be much more forgiving of chatting them up at random when they realized I was North American. I think they look at us as hyper-friendly and give us more leeway. Helps when you need directions or something in a place that doesn't believe in standardized street signs.
I was just testing, and irl I'm nothing close to hyper-friendly. :P
It is why Americans are liked in the UK, you create special circumstances where it becomes permissible to speak to strangers. OTOH we also think you are bloody fools who don't know how to read maps, it is the price of popularity :P
Quote from: Tamas on September 26, 2012, 01:52:27 AM
like the other socially inept peopleEuropeans here, I concluded "makes perfect sense" until I saw it was the Onion :P
I actually figured out fairly early it is a satirical peace, because of the way some conclusions are stated. But I agree that, as is the case with a lot of The Onion's pieces, we laugh because it is funny and we laugh because it is true.
Also, FYPFY.
This actually reminds me of a Polish cartoon I saw recently, which has a guy walking down the street, smiling. In the second frame, he is approached by two cops saying "Why are you so happy, sir? Personal ID card, please."
Quote from: Martinus on September 26, 2012, 02:28:35 AM
This actually reminds me of a Polish cartoon I saw recently, which has a guy walking down the street, smiling. In the second frame, he is approached by two cops saying "Why are you so happy, sir? Personal ID card, please."
Was it a political cartoon or is that a Polish sense of humor?
Quote from: dps on September 26, 2012, 12:34:30 AM
Quote from: garbon on September 25, 2012, 11:43:26 PM
Quote from: dps on September 25, 2012, 09:45:59 PM
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:27:35 PM
Quote from: jimmy olsen on September 25, 2012, 05:25:23 PM
Quote from: sbr on September 25, 2012, 05:24:28 PM
I was good until I read the no smiling at people you don't know line, which seemed a bit off, then I looked up and saw it was the onion. I think the study hit the nail on the head for 90% of the article though.
You can't possibly be serious.
Why is that?
Because in everyday business transactions, 90% of the time you're dealing with people you don't know, unless you live in a really small town.
That's not really what they are discussing though. Pretty much every example they have is someone speaking to you unnecessarily / just to have a conversation.
Let's put it another way. In customer service, I'd estimate that about 75% of the conversations you have with customers are unnecessary, but if you don't engage in them, you'll won't have any customers.
Pretty sure that establishes that conversing in that setting isn't unnecessary. ;)
I've lived in Vancouver, Berkeley and Hong Kong. I have to say, my chances of being talked to by total strangers is much much higher in Vancouver or Berkeley than in Hong Kong. In HK, we don't even talk to neighbours that we know have lived on the same apartment floor for 10+ years. Of particular annoyance is when I take the lifts in North America. For some reason, people tend to ask me which floor I go to when I step into a lift. And sometimes when they enter the lift, they said they wanted to go to xth floor. No, I am not going to press the button for you.
Quote from: Monoriu on September 26, 2012, 05:23:51 AM
I've lived in Vancouver, Berkeley and Hong Kong. I have to say, my chances of being talked to by total strangers is much much higher in Vancouver or Berkeley than in Hong Kong. In HK, we don't even talk to neighbours that we know have lived on the same apartment floor for 10+ years. Of particular annoyance is when I take the lifts in North America. For some reason, people tend to ask me which floor I go to when I step into a lift. And sometimes when they enter the lift, they said they wanted to go to xth floor. No, I am not going to press the button for you.
You have it with older people in Poland, too. I suspect this could be a habit from the times when lifts would not have an automatic floor selection programme and you would just need to select the floors one at a time, so you would have to select the closest floor first, and only once the lift stopped there, you would select another floor etc.
Quote from: Monoriu on September 26, 2012, 05:23:51 AM
I've lived in Vancouver, Berkeley and Hong Kong. I have to say, my chances of being talked to by total strangers is much much higher in Vancouver or Berkeley than in Hong Kong. In HK, we don't even talk to neighbours that we know have lived on the same apartment floor for 10+ years. Of particular annoyance is when I take the lifts in North America. For some reason, people tend to ask me which floor I go to when I step into a lift. And sometimes when they enter the lift, they said they wanted to go to xth floor. No, I am not going to press the button for you.
Well you better not be standing anywhere near the buttons then. I'm not gonna be reaching around, behind or near you to push the button. It's like the emergeny exit on a plane, you end up there you have certain added responsibilities.
It always depends on the circumstances, but I am not especially surprised that there is a strong correlation between being gay and being unable to function socially.
Quote from: Neil on September 26, 2012, 10:24:12 AM
It always depends on the circumstances, but I am not especially surprised that there is a strong correlation between being gay and being unable to function socially.
But gays are known to be extremely social. Kinda hard to really party otherwise.
Quote from: garbon on September 26, 2012, 10:29:46 AM
Quote from: Neil on September 26, 2012, 10:24:12 AM
It always depends on the circumstances, but I am not especially surprised that there is a strong correlation between being gay and being unable to function socially.
But gays are known to be extremely social. Kinda hard to really party otherwise.
But that's just a mask that is put on in certain situations. It seems that the true character of the gay is to isolate oneself and to hate everything and everyone. You and Martinus at least are unable to function.
Quote from: garbon on September 26, 2012, 10:29:46 AM
Quote from: Neil on September 26, 2012, 10:24:12 AM
It always depends on the circumstances, but I am not especially surprised that there is a strong correlation between being gay and being unable to function socially.
But gays are known to be extremely social. Kinda hard to really party otherwise.
Neil's a Canuck waaaay up in the flanneled north; since he's never met a gay person, he gets it all from TV. Just like his impression of black people.
Quote from: CountDeMoney on September 26, 2012, 12:04:27 PM
Neil's a Canuck waaaay up in the flanneled north; since he's never met a gay person, .
Seems self-contradictory to me.
Why am I not surprised by the responses of several of the posters in this thread ?
I don't know, why aren't you ?
Did you post that just so you could put extra spaces before the question mark
?
In Texas it is just expected you act friendly and talk to random people :ph34r:
Quote from: Neil on September 26, 2012, 10:45:12 AM
Quote from: garbon on September 26, 2012, 10:29:46 AM
Quote from: Neil on September 26, 2012, 10:24:12 AM
It always depends on the circumstances, but I am not especially surprised that there is a strong correlation between being gay and being unable to function socially.
But gays are known to be extremely social. Kinda hard to really party otherwise.
But that's just a mask that is put on in certain situations. It seems that the true character of the gay is to isolate oneself and to hate everything and everyone. You and Martinus at least are unable to function.
I'm unable to function? :unsure:
I'm happy that I'm not the only one who doesn't like talking to people.
Quote from: sbr on September 26, 2012, 07:31:23 AM
Quote from: Monoriu on September 26, 2012, 05:23:51 AM
I've lived in Vancouver, Berkeley and Hong Kong. I have to say, my chances of being talked to by total strangers is much much higher in Vancouver or Berkeley than in Hong Kong. In HK, we don't even talk to neighbours that we know have lived on the same apartment floor for 10+ years. Of particular annoyance is when I take the lifts in North America. For some reason, people tend to ask me which floor I go to when I step into a lift. And sometimes when they enter the lift, they said they wanted to go to xth floor. No, I am not going to press the button for you.
Well you better not be standing anywhere near the buttons then. I'm not gonna be reaching around, behind or near you to push the button. It's like the emergeny exit on a plane, you end up there you have certain added responsibilities.
Thanks for proving my point ;) In HK, even if you are carrying 10 bags and the lift is totally full, you are supposed to push the button yourself.
The funniest thing about that article is that so many people don't realize that it is mocking them.
The Onion really is a treasure.
Quote from: Berkut on September 26, 2012, 08:02:02 PM
The funniest thing about that article is that so many people don't realize that it is mocking them.
It's true.
Quote from: Berkut on September 26, 2012, 08:02:02 PM
The funniest thing about that article is that so many people don't realize that it is mocking them.
The Onion really is a treasure.
I agree that this is usually the case, but I don't see how that applies for this particular article.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on September 26, 2012, 02:32:53 PM
Did you post that just so you could put extra spaces before the question mark
?
I don't know what you're talking about
?
Quote from: DGuller on September 26, 2012, 09:13:26 PM
Quote from: Berkut on September 26, 2012, 08:02:02 PM
The funniest thing about that article is that so many people don't realize that it is mocking them.
The Onion really is a treasure.
I agree that this is usually the case, but I don't see how that applies for this particular article.
The people being mocked are not those who engage in conversation with strangers, but those who have a pole up their ass about their fear of communication with people they are not already familiar with.
What is funny is that those people read the article, and think it is making fun of people who talk to strangers - but it isn't. It is making fun of them.
Hmmm. I am now wondering if perhaps DG did not just troll me... :(
:hmm:
:hmm:
:hmm: :hmm:
Quote from: Berkut on September 27, 2012, 12:35:38 PM
Hmmm. I am now wondering if perhaps DG did not just troll me... :(
:lol: