I thought it would be interesting for those of us who have gone through the nerve-wracking business of house-hunting to disuss experiences with amusing less-than-stellar examples of houses they examined.
These should be houses that looked good "on paper" - the price was right, neighbourhood okay, rooms and features sheet read well - that disclosed some amusingly unlivable flaw when actually examined.
When we were house-hunting, we saw lots of these (indeed sometimes it appeared we saw nothing but these), and to each dud we gave a nickname. Here are some examples:
1. Cigarette House: a house that looked good but was so permiated with stale cigarette smoke from decades of chain-smoking indoors as to be unihabitable; consensus being that the smell could not be removed without expensive renovations.
2. The Cliff Dwelling: house looked great and view was wonderful but backyard visibly eroding into a gigantic cliff; guarden shed currently prevented from falling 80' into neighbour's yard by a cinder block used as a prop. Neighbours to each side have cliff face reveted by concrete defences somewhat like beach defences at Normandy.
3. The Boo Radley: generally unfinished basement (bare concrete), but in the far corner from the stairs what appears to be a nanny or inlaw bedroom suite with ensuite bathroom, all carpeted with musty broadloom; with metal door on bedroom, with heavy latch and lock - on the outside of the door. WTF? (Seriously, WTF?)
Please add your own ...
I posted this before, but when the market first cratered and foreclosures were everywhere, I briefly considered buying a bunch of foreclosed condos and starter homes in less savory areas for basically nothing and renting them out until the market started to recover.
It seemed like a good idea until I was shown a few properties, and realized that foreclosed properties are not maintained at all and in a few short months a lack of care is not good for a home. Lots of mold, standing water, signs of vagrants living in the homes, etc.
The Barn - Barn roof style house, not great shape (the back deck would have needed a lot of work), poor layout but it was reasonably priced and had most of what we were looking for. The real killer was the front entrance. At first it looked fine, but closer inspection revealed the corner of the house sloped down dramatically. We couldn't see any cracks or other signs of warping inside or out and the second floor was level at the same location. Our best guess was that it had been built like that.
Quote from: frunk on December 30, 2011, 12:04:05 PM
The Barn - Barn roof style house, not great shape (the back deck would have needed a lot of work), poor layout but it was reasonably priced and had most of what we were looking for. The real killer was the front entrance. At first it looked fine, but closer inspection revealed the corner of the house sloped down dramatically. We couldn't see any cracks or other signs of warping inside or out and the second floor was level at the same location. Our best guess was that it had been built like that.
Perhaps a ramp to let the animals in more easily? ;)
Quote from: alfred russel on December 30, 2011, 11:57:19 AM
I posted this before, but when the market first cratered and foreclosures were everywhere, I briefly considered buying a bunch of foreclosed condos and starter homes in less savory areas for basically nothing and renting them out until the market started to recover.
It seemed like a good idea until I was shown a few properties, and realized that foreclosed properties are not maintained at all and in a few short months a lack of care is not good for a home. Lots of mold, standing water, signs of vagrants living in the homes, etc.
Heh I wonder what those $1 homes in Detroit look like on the inside ... :lol:
Quote from: Malthus on December 30, 2011, 12:07:29 PM
Quote from: alfred russel on December 30, 2011, 11:57:19 AM
I posted this before, but when the market first cratered and foreclosures were everywhere, I briefly considered buying a bunch of foreclosed condos and starter homes in less savory areas for basically nothing and renting them out until the market started to recover.
It seemed like a good idea until I was shown a few properties, and realized that foreclosed properties are not maintained at all and in a few short months a lack of care is not good for a home. Lots of mold, standing water, signs of vagrants living in the homes, etc.
Heh I wonder what those $1 homes in Detroit look like on the inside ... :lol:
Most of the homes I was looking at were around $20k, so if they are in that much worse shape, you probably don't want to wonder that.
If it was about 15 years earlier, I would have taken my daughter to a house where the door was left open for probably several months. "See, this is what happens when you leave the door open, now do you want our house to be like this? Then close the door behind yourself when you come inside." Well, actually I wouldn't, because bringing a young child to a mold infested home with standing water and who knows what living on the floor is probably not healthy, if not child abuse.
The two I remember is shit house and zombie cemetery right behind the back yard.
I looked at a house that had a huge rock in the basement, they just built the house around it. In the other corner was a large cast iron oil container, that had to remain in place because breaking it up could cause the residual oil inside to go up in flames. So that was a lot of space lost to stupid crap.
I was looking to rent. Before I got my current pleasant East London pad we were shown a place in Shadwell. Two storey flat in an old council block. There was a non-functioning Stana stair lift and the rooms had been lined with plastic. I was actually scared when being shown round that the house was just a lure used by our serial killer estate agent.
Aa and I looked at a house to rent awhile back. Not in a great neighborhood, but not too bad, and dirt cheap. We stopped by the real estate company and got the key in order to look at it. When we arrived, the city had boarded up the front door and put a sign up which said "Condemned. Not Fit For Human Habitation." We went back to the real estate office and told the rental agent about it, and he said, "Yeah, I forgot about that. We meant to send down somebody out to take down the sign and pull off the boards".
We didn't look at any of the other properties that agency was offering.
Quote from: dps on December 30, 2011, 01:12:28 PM
Aa and I looked at a house to rent awhile back. Not in a great neighborhood, but not too bad, and dirt cheap. We stopped by the real estate company and got the key in order to look at it. When we arrived, the city had boarded up the front door and put a sign up which said "Condemned. Not Fit For Human Habitation." We went back to the real estate office and told the rental agent about it, and he said, "Yeah, I forgot about that. We meant to send down somebody out to take down the sign and pull off the boards".
We didn't look at any of the other properties that agency was offering.
I like his sort of honesty; hey you caught us out, though we are after all in a thoroughly dishonest business. :)
Oh, it was probably fine.
Quote from: Ideologue on December 30, 2011, 01:18:21 PM
Oh, it was probably fine.
From what we could see, the building appeared to be structurally sound (being structurally unsound is usually what gets buildings condemned in my experiece). So that suggests that there was some sort of environmental contamination of some sort, which might actually be worse.
Quote from: dps on December 30, 2011, 01:12:28 PM
Aa and I looked at a house to rent awhile back. Not in a great neighborhood, but not too bad, and dirt cheap. We stopped by the real estate company and got the key in order to look at it. When we arrived, the city had boarded up the front door and put a sign up which said "Condemned. Not Fit For Human Habitation." We went back to the real estate office and told the rental agent about it, and he said, "Yeah, I forgot about that. We meant to send down somebody out to take down the sign and pull off the boards".
We didn't look at any of the other properties that agency was offering.
:lol: I must admit, I like their moxy.
Quote from: dps on December 30, 2011, 01:12:28 PM
Aa and I looked at a house to rent awhile back. Not in a great neighborhood, but not too bad, and dirt cheap. We stopped by the real estate company and got the key in order to look at it. When we arrived, the city had boarded up the front door and put a sign up which said "Condemned. Not Fit For Human Habitation." We went back to the real estate office and told the rental agent about it, and he said, "Yeah, I forgot about that. We meant to send down somebody out to take down the sign and pull off the boards".
We didn't look at any of the other properties that agency was offering.
:lmfao:
I remember seen a nice pretty "garden home" that the back yard was so small I don't think you could turn a lawnmower in it to mow the lawn (truly a yard, squared).
The Bedroom That Isn't
The deal looks too good to be true. The estate agent boasts that the next viewing has three bedrooms, a large living room, spacious kitchen, all in a glorious house on a prestigious street. Then you start looking around. Master bedroom: generously sized, en suite - all good. Second bedroom: a little smaller, but otherwise fine, and at this price in this area, who's going to complain. At this point during the show round you probably think to ask about how modern the hot water system is, and does the place have a washing machine.
The estage agent is ahead of you, because your questions will be quickly resolved when "bedroom" three is revealed. On paper, it's all there: the carpeted floor, double bed (wedged into the end of the room like cannon wadding), and an emaciated wardrobe. Also fighting for space are the combination boiler and the washing machine.
It isn't a bedroom at all, and without the third person living in the house it becomes rather expensive. You are left cursing the estate agent's ludicrously mendacious listing.
The Corridor of Personal Mishap +5
Somewhat like the above, except all the bedrooms are fine. It's just that bedroom three is a spartan loft conversion. If you're not whacking your head on one of the exposed beams hovering menacingly at forehead height, the means of access to the room is an extremely steep flight of stairs (that even the navy would consider more of a ladder). The house I saw with this arrangement, I actually struggled to get back out of the room; needless to say, we did not follow up our enquiry.
Pythagoras' Room
You're no newbie to the house hunt, so you carefully ensure that before agreeing to a viewing you get a good idea of the square footage of each room to make sure you don't waste any time.
Except this time the agent has outwitted you once again: while all the bedrooms are of decent size, bedroom three is shaped like the product of some mad geometrist. The room may even twist back on itself in some unnerving architectural mobius strip. Regardless, you'll barely be getting a bed in here, let alone anything else. Enjoy your 25m^2 of space.
Warmth is a Sin
The previous residents must have been puritans or masochists, because there's only draughty single-glazed sash windows, and no central heating.
:lol:
Those are great.
A lovely little brick house, with spacious, partially finished attic, immaculate plumbing, crappy kitchen layout but new appliances. The major problem: interior stucco done in some horrible fluted out style, and painted in different colors in each bedroom, including one precious bedroom where each wall, the ceiling, the floor, and the CEILING FAN BLADES were painted different colors, FOR THE KIDS, man. The stucco looked like the fucking xenomorphs had shat on the walls. It was awful. I offered 96k for it, because the bones were so good. They had it listed at 105k. Two years later it finally sold, for under 80k.
That's what you get for selling a shitty house.
Princesca and I looked at one house down here we ended up calling the "Dukes of Hazzard House" for a couple of reasons... one, because the people that lived there had Confederate flags all over the place, two, because they had a giant life-sized cutout of Richard Petty, and three, there was a giant hole in the living room wall. The occupants were there when we looked and when we asked about it, the (pregnant) teenage daughter said "KENNY DONE PUNCHED THAT HOLE OUT WHEN HE WUZ DRUNK ONE TIME". :blush:
Also, the house looked kind of odd from the outside... it was a relatively new house but was very narrow and tall, unlike most McMansions you see these days. It had a really nice property (13 acres as I recall) but we couldn't get past the odd house layout and the fact that we would have needed to rehang drywall in the living room due to 'Kenny's' drunken rage.
You could have left the hole there and just used it as your punchin' wall after you done drakn too much Maker's Mark.
I guess I could have kept my stash in there as well. :)
I remember that a portion of that property was heavily wooded and thinking it would be a good place to grow weed. :cool:
We looked at another house that had a very long front porch (basically the whole front of the house). The porch corresponded with a weird 'secret' room in the basement that was windowless and just lined with concrete slab. I looked in there and thought 'HELLO, GROW-OP SPACE'.
I'd have thought the owners were Austrian and had a daughter.
This thread reminds me why I despised house hunting.
Quote from: WarspiteThe Bedroom That Isn't
The deal looks too good to be true. The estate agent boasts that the next viewing has three bedrooms, a large living room, spacious kitchen, all in a glorious house on a prestigious street. Then you start looking around. Master bedroom: generously sized, en suite - all good. Second bedroom: a little smaller, but otherwise fine, and at this price in this area, who's going to complain. At this point during the show round you probably think to ask about how modern the hot water system is, and does the place have a washing machine.
Sounds great to me. I think when/if I ever buy a house I'm going to look for one that has some bullshit problem that I don't care about but everyone else does, so as to drive down the market value for a place whose intrinsic value is still basically normal.
And then I'll pave the yard.
Quote from: Ideologue on December 30, 2011, 10:07:38 PM
Quote from: WarspiteThe Bedroom That Isn't
The deal looks too good to be true. The estate agent boasts that the next viewing has three bedrooms, a large living room, spacious kitchen, all in a glorious house on a prestigious street. Then you start looking around. Master bedroom: generously sized, en suite - all good. Second bedroom: a little smaller, but otherwise fine, and at this price in this area, who's going to complain. At this point during the show round you probably think to ask about how modern the hot water system is, and does the place have a washing machine.
Sounds great to me. I think when/if I ever buy a house I'm going to look for one that has some bullshit problem that I don't care about but everyone else does, so as to drive down the market value for a place whose intrinsic value is still basically normal.
And then I'll pave the yard.
I think the idea was that at least 3 people were supposed to live in the 3-bedroom apartment.
I'll take the crappy room and pay 3/5 what the guy in the big room pays (lol, Newsradio reference).
Also, the washing machine is right there. Bonus!
Quote from: Ideologue on December 30, 2011, 10:11:50 PM
I'll take the crappy room and pay 3/5 what the guy in the big room pays (lol, Newsradio reference).
Also, the washing machine is right there. Bonus!
No you won't. You'll start off strong but soon enough you'll be bitching up a storm and painting a self portrait in your own shit on the walls of the laundry room.
Quote from: Ideologue on December 30, 2011, 10:07:38 PM
Sounds great to me. I think when/if I ever buy a house I'm going to look for one that has some bullshit problem that I don't care about but everyone else does, so as to drive down the market value for a place whose intrinsic value is still basically normal.
And then I'll pave the yard.
That would make a pretty crap investment... actively looking for a house that you'd have trouble reselling at a future date? If you do buy a shitty house at least make sure it's in a good neighbourhood as that will still sell down the road.
Quote from: PRC on December 31, 2011, 01:29:15 PM
Quote from: Ideologue on December 30, 2011, 10:07:38 PM
Sounds great to me. I think when/if I ever buy a house I'm going to look for one that has some bullshit problem that I don't care about but everyone else does, so as to drive down the market value for a place whose intrinsic value is still basically normal.
And then I'll pave the yard.
That would make a pretty crap investment... actively looking for a house that you'd have trouble reselling at a future date? If you do buy a shitty house at least make sure it's in a good neighbourhood as that will still sell down the road.
That too.
When I was younger my parents decided to move to larger home. We looked at this one house, that was slightly larger on the inside then the out...