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General Category => Off the Record => Topic started by: Malthus on January 21, 2010, 04:58:02 PM

Title: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Malthus on January 21, 2010, 04:58:02 PM
Chavez weighs in: it was a US plot.

http://www.presstv.ir/detail.aspx?id=116688&sectionid=351020704

QuoteVenezuelan leader Hugo Chavez Wednesday accused the United States of causing the destruction in Haiti by testing a 'tectonic weapon' to induce the catastrophic earthquake that hit the country last week.

President Chavez said the US was "playing God" by testing devices capable of creating eco-type catastrophes, the Spanish newspaper ABC quoted him as saying.

Whew! Now we know who to blame.  :)
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: derspiess on January 21, 2010, 05:02:01 PM
Goddammit, who leaked this to him??
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: grumbler on January 21, 2010, 05:05:28 PM
Quote from: derspiess on January 21, 2010, 05:02:01 PM
Goddammit, who leaked this to him??
He knew already because he is the product of one of the tests.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Savonarola on January 21, 2010, 05:05:48 PM
QuoteVenezuelan media have reported that the earthquake "may be associated with the project called HAARP, a system that can generate violent and unexpected changes in climate."

HAARP, the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, is a study run in Alaska directed at the occasional reconfiguration of the properties of the Earth's ionosphere to improve satellite communications.

Was Tontirus behind it?   :ph34r:
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Malthus on January 21, 2010, 05:10:47 PM
They were trying for a "Teutonic weapon", which would have inundated Haiti with obnoxious German tourists.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: sbr on January 21, 2010, 05:13:14 PM
Quote from: Malthus on January 21, 2010, 05:10:47 PM
They were trying for a "Teutonic weapon", which would have inundated Haiti with obnoxious German tourists.
:lol:
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Josephus on January 21, 2010, 05:29:13 PM
I believe it.

<_<
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: sbr on January 21, 2010, 05:29:21 PM
Did you post the article just so you could use that joke?
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Eddie Teach on January 21, 2010, 05:31:03 PM
But I thought it was God's punishment for their deal with the devil?  :huh:
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Malthus on January 21, 2010, 05:43:01 PM
Quote from: sbr on January 21, 2010, 05:29:21 PM
Did you post the article just so you could use that joke?

Ha! No.  :D
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Maximus on January 21, 2010, 05:44:36 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 21, 2010, 05:31:03 PM
But I thought it was God's punishment for their deal with the devil?  :huh:
Chavez sometimes confuses God with the US.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Valmy on January 21, 2010, 05:54:28 PM
He's onto us!

Chavez is just too good to be true.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Martim Silva on January 21, 2010, 07:08:16 PM
To be honest, these 'tectonic weapons' are rumored to exist for decades now.

Remember the Armenian earthquake? At the time it was rumored the USSR had it, and that was the reason why the unruly Armenians had gotten the quake.

If they exist on both sides, we'd be in a shaky situation if a war starts.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Admiral Yi on January 21, 2010, 07:10:56 PM
Quote from: derspiess on January 21, 2010, 05:02:01 PM
Goddammit, who leaked this to him??
Jimmy Carter.  Duh.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Josquius on January 21, 2010, 07:17:23 PM
:bleeding:
Bloody hell.
How can he get away with such sillyness?
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Ed Anger on January 21, 2010, 07:18:12 PM
I confess! it was my bowel movements.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Martim Silva on January 21, 2010, 07:26:29 PM
I thought Haiti had been levelled so that the scenes could be added to the extended edition of "2012"...   :unsure:

Was I misinformed?
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Darth Wagtaros on January 21, 2010, 07:46:25 PM
Quote from: derspiess on January 21, 2010, 05:02:01 PM
Goddammit, who leaked this to him??
Same people who stumbled on to our part in the tsunami that wiped out all those ethnic people in Asia a few years ago.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: derspiess on January 22, 2010, 12:06:54 AM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 21, 2010, 05:31:03 PM
But I thought it was God's punishment for their deal with the devil?  :huh:

German tourists would be the punishment.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: katmai on January 22, 2010, 12:11:15 AM
Quote from: Savonarola on January 21, 2010, 05:05:48 PM
QuoteVenezuelan media have reported that the earthquake "may be associated with the project called HAARP, a system that can generate violent and unexpected changes in climate."

HAARP, the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, is a study run in Alaska directed at the occasional reconfiguration of the properties of the Earth's ionosphere to improve satellite communications.

Was Tontirus behind it?   :ph34r:

HAARP is located up closer to Fairbanks.

And I remember goofy Euro's asking me all about HAARP when I was in Australia
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: jimmy olsen on January 22, 2010, 12:25:40 AM
Quote from: katmai on January 22, 2010, 12:11:15 AM
Quote from: Savonarola on January 21, 2010, 05:05:48 PM
QuoteVenezuelan media have reported that the earthquake "may be associated with the project called HAARP, a system that can generate violent and unexpected changes in climate."

HAARP, the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, is a study run in Alaska directed at the occasional reconfiguration of the properties of the Earth's ionosphere to improve satellite communications.

Was Tontirus behind it?   :ph34r:

HAARP is located up closer to Fairbanks.

And I remember goofy Euro's asking me all about HAARP when I was in Australia

I would have totally fucked with their heads over that.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Martinus on January 22, 2010, 03:07:18 AM
Well, it beats Pat Robertson's explanation.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Duque de Bragança on January 22, 2010, 04:30:09 AM
Quote from: Malthus on January 21, 2010, 05:10:47 PM
They were trying for a "Teutonic weapon", which would have inundated Haiti with obnoxious German tourists.

Today Ibiza, tomorrow the World!
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Martinus on January 22, 2010, 07:47:50 AM
God's Wrath According To Pat Robertson
700 Club founder Pat Robertson stated that the earthquake in Haiti, which may have killed 100,000 people, was God's punishment for a deal Haitian slaves made with the devil 200 years ago to get out from under French rule. Here are some other tragedies and Robertson's explanations for them:

Eruption of Mount St. Helens, 1980: Divine wrath was incurred when people were too busy enjoying the natural beauty of Washington state and not spending enough time appreciating God
Space Shuttle Challenger Explosion, 1986: Ten-year-old Walt Sudul, of Racine, WI, made friends with a Jewish boy at school
Oakland Hills Firestorm, 1991: Emily Garrity pointed out a logical inconsistency in the concept of an omnipotent god to her Sunday school teacher
Magic Johnson Tests Positive for HIV, 1991: An ardent Portland Trail Blazers fan, God was horrified to see His team lose 4-2 to the Los Angeles Lakers in the 1991 Western Conference Finals, and thus decided to give the winner's best player AIDS
Crash of American Airlines Flight 587, 2001: Though the flight was filled with pious individuals, God was distracted by a masturbating 14-year-old in Boise, ID and was therefore unable to keep the aircraft from falling apart in midair, like all planes would without His loving intervention
Columbine High School Massacre, 1999: Tinky Winky
Indian Ocean Tsunami, 2004: Newlyweds Todd and Nancy Tate experimented with non-missionary sex during their honeymoon
Hurricane Katrina, 2005: Divine retribution for Girls Gone Wild: Mardi Gras (Volume 3)
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.theonion.com%2Fcontent%2Ffiles%2Fimages%2FInfographic-Robertson-R.jpg&hash=630dbbb597eb9f7b5b325c01d4d7e9ae229bb54d)
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Tamas on January 22, 2010, 07:53:23 AM
It is better to note, however, that apart from the Haiti stuff, the rest is from the onion
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Neil on January 22, 2010, 08:31:34 AM
Quote from: Tamas on January 22, 2010, 07:53:23 AM
It is better to note, however, that apart from the Haiti stuff, the rest is from the onion
Typical Martinus, trying to take credit for the hard work of others.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: KRonn on January 22, 2010, 09:39:56 AM
OUR WORDS ARE BACKED WITH TECTONIC WEAPONS!!!    :menace:



No scribes allowed.   :shutup:
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Gambrinus on January 22, 2010, 12:52:53 PM
Considering that the loonie left are convinced the US are just using the quake as a guise för occupying Haiti as a spearhead in their attack against the brave socialist republics of South America, I'm surprised it took them that long to draw the logical conclusion. :tinfoil:
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Admiral Yi on January 22, 2010, 12:55:55 PM
Quote from: Gambrinus on January 22, 2010, 12:52:53 PM
Considering that the loonie left are convinced the US are just using the quake as a guise för occupying Haiti as a spearhead in their attack against the brave socialist republics of South America, I'm surprised it took them that long to draw the logical conclusion. :tinfoil:
How serious are you when you say this about the loonie left?  (I assume you mean the Yuro loonie left.)
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: garbon on January 22, 2010, 05:14:29 PM
Quote from: Neil on January 22, 2010, 08:31:34 AM
Typical Martinus, trying to take credit for the hard work of others.

Although to be fair, none of that was particularly funny.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: Eddie Teach on January 22, 2010, 05:56:08 PM
Quote from: garbon on January 22, 2010, 05:14:29 PM
Although to be fair, none of that was particularly funny.

If comedy was a pie, Marty wouldn't know it when it hit him in the face.
Title: Re: This Just In: Reason for Haiti Quake Explained!
Post by: grumbler on January 22, 2010, 06:28:43 PM
Quote from: garbon on January 22, 2010, 05:14:29 PM
Quote from: Neil on January 22, 2010, 08:31:34 AM
Typical Martinus, trying to take credit for the hard work of others.

Although to be fair, none of that was particularly funny.
The Crash of American Airlines Flight 587 bit made me smile, but otherwise, yeah.