People are picking on him at work. Coming to America with no education, he has worked in a factory starting at minimum wage in the same job and same position for 20 years.
My father is a small, quiet, Asian man who does not speak English well---making him easy pickings for bullies. I cry to think of a 52-year-old man being bullied. He has dealt with it for years, but it gets to you. The financial meltdown adds to his stress. He only started a 401k a few years ago, but now he is bewildered to see his savings vanishing. His account is managed by my older brother, who does not consult my father when moving around assets, adding to my father's sense of helplessness.
He has responded by working overtime even 7 days a week.
I only catch hints of the crap his co-workers put him through. For example, when I enlisted, they told him that I would get sent to Iraq and get blown up. Not even seasoned Soldiers understand the military path and contracts I am taking, so I bet the taunts scared him and hit him at his core.
I am going to meet my grandparents in Cambodia for the first time this May, and I heard my neighbor badger him for not accompanying his son. My father cannot afford to see parents or country he has not seen in over a decade. That probably made him sad, too.
My parents chose to live in a predominantly white, suburban community, which saved my siblings and me from crime and gangs, but left them without the traditional support network of fellow immigrants.
I had my share of bullying in the past, but I sucked it up because I was moving on to bigger things. What do you do with a man who has perhaps another 13 years of the same situation with no dreams of mobility?
:(
Well, I can't say anything positive. Blue collar workplaces usually has these loud adult bullies "running" things, as far as I can see it.
My father has been sad since 1999. However, his adamant that only white people see therapists.
Tell him you appreciate all the sacrifices he has made on your behalf, and that as soon you start pulling in that ginormous army salary you will buy him a plane ticket to Cambodia and some deadly steel-tipped nunchaku to lay waste to his tormentors. Then take him bowling. Then explain his 401k to him.
Quote from: garbon on March 30, 2009, 09:21:23 PM
My father has been sad since 1999. However, his adamant that only white people see therapists.
That is one of the weirdest things I have ever heard.
:(
I know how you feel as my asian mom went through the same thing. Then she quit working and started living off of alimony/child support. :rolleyes:
:console:
J/w, What's your MOS / Contracts you're getting. No blue cord and all, piqued my interest. ^_^
Quote from: Alcibiades on March 31, 2009, 12:32:35 AM
J/w, What's your MOS / Contracts you're getting. No blue cord and all, piqued my interest. ^_^
Enlisted 2005 US Army Reserves 25B (IT Specialist)
Contracted 2008 SMP Cadet (ROTC in college while concurrently serving in Reserves)
Looking to do it for 20-40 years with active/reserve service mix; commissioning into Signal (IT) for four years, then switch into Civil Affairs
Quote from: Phillip V on March 31, 2009, 12:54:20 AM
Quote from: Alcibiades on March 31, 2009, 12:32:35 AM
J/w, What's your MOS / Contracts you're getting. No blue cord and all, piqued my interest. ^_^
Enlisted 2005 US Army Reserves 25B (IT Specialist)
Contracted 2008 SMP Cadet (ROTC in college while concurrently serving in Reserves)
Looking to do it for 20-40 years with active/reserve service mix; commissioning into Signal (IT) for four years, then switch into Civil Affairs
So, you are combatting the Chinese Super Hackers?
Quote from: Lucidor on March 31, 2009, 01:39:33 AM
So, you are combatting the Chinese Super Hackers?
Taliban hackers. ;)
I am going to volunteer for deployment in 2012 and then do a tour at the White House Communications Agency when I get back.
Sorry to hear about the bullying your dad is enduring at his workplace :(
It's bloody irritating that we have this enormous race relations industry, with all the excess that can entail, which exists alongside people like your dad who have to put up with this basic xenophobic shit :mad:
:(
:( Sorry to hear that. I hope you can offer him some consolation.
Maybe your dad should start standing up for himself.
Step 1 : Learn English.
Also, nice career. I should have joined the Forces 4-5 years ago.
That sucks. Seeing one's parents helpless and lost must be one of the saddest things in life. Tell your dad not to overwork himself into an early grave.
Oh, I would have also suggested that your dad finds out if there are any state-sponsored programmes (e.g. to learn English, or to be protected against bullying/discrimination) but I guess you would be against any such unconscionable waste of taxpayers' money just to protect some minority's member's dignity, worth, self-image and personal pride.
After all, it's not like the society would recover every single dime invested in allowing your father to feel like a respected, valued member of the community he is, would it?
Quote from: Korea on March 30, 2009, 10:45:42 PM
:(
I know how you feel as my asian mom went through the same thing. Then she quit working and started living off of alimony/child support. :rolleyes:
Shit really? I had no idea Asian people faced this sort of thing in this country. I guess it is when they still have the accent?
Quote from: Valmy on March 31, 2009, 08:25:28 AM
Quote from: Korea on March 30, 2009, 10:45:42 PM
:(
I know how you feel as my asian mom went through the same thing. Then she quit working and started living off of alimony/child support. :rolleyes:
Shit really? I had no idea Asian people faced this sort of thing in this country. I guess it is when they still have the accent?
I suspect that it has very much to do with social class. An Asian in the professional ranks would likely
not face this sort of thing: blue collar, more likely.
Quote from: Malthus on March 31, 2009, 09:09:12 AM
Quote from: Valmy on March 31, 2009, 08:25:28 AM
Quote from: Korea on March 30, 2009, 10:45:42 PM
:(
I know how you feel as my asian mom went through the same thing. Then she quit working and started living off of alimony/child support. :rolleyes:
Shit really? I had no idea Asian people faced this sort of thing in this country. I guess it is when they still have the accent?
I suspect that it has very much to do with social class. An Asian in the professional ranks would likely not face this sort of thing: blue collar, more likely.
I think you are right.
It doesn't take many bigots to make things unpleasant. Maybe 99/100 of the interactions that an asian chap has with a white person are fine. The one in a hundred might translate to an unpleasant incident every month or so..........well, that would really piss me off.
sorry for your dad. sounds like he needs a crash course in NA culture.
first up: we learned all this stuff as children. when we got bullied at school the worst thing one could do was tell the teacher (i.e supervisor). you lost face and respect in the yard, and even if the bully was disciplined, the teacher also would be somewhat disgusted with the bullied for not being able to solve their own problems. it's really no win.
what worked was 1) ignoring the bully (amazingly, it can work, they are just looking for easy targets) or 2) getting even. this probably means finding allies. remember, revenge can be sweet.
Quote from: saskganesh on March 31, 2009, 10:32:06 AMwhat worked was 1) ignoring the bully (amazingly, it can work, they are just looking for easy targets) or 2) getting even. this probably means finding allies. remember, revenge can be sweet.
P5, is there any way you can make your father look more like Mr Miyagi? :P
On a more serious note you can try asking some friends from the army to come pick up your dad with you at work, wearing your uniform (not the full attire, but something a bit more impressive than battle fatigues).If bullies see you and your friends "being cool" with your dad, they'll probably back off.
If they don't, go back and flex some muscle explaining that while your father is a nice quiet man who doesn't give a shit about them, you on the other hand don't like racism and will gouge their eyes out and skullfuck them if they ever go near him ever again. Then tell them you weren't scared in Fallujah and you sure as hell aren't gonna take any shit from a bunch of pussies like them.
Kevin
I think a stunt like that could go over very well. :)
Check if you can borrow a Tank or a Predator Drone to emphasize your point.
Well Phillip V, I'd say your father has done very well. He's gone through hardships coming from Cambodia (did he come as a refugee, escape during the wars they had there?), just to come to a new and very different culture. Now he's working hard, raising a family, making things better for his kids. Sure he has things to be sad about; the financial hit is distressing, but it's been a blow to so many people. Not his fault.
As for the people picking on him. I wonder if most of them were born in the US, never had to go through the difficulties your father did. Bunch of cretins, especially if that's the case, as they're criticizing but have no idea and never had to face the difficulties he has.
Quote from: Richard Hakluyt on March 31, 2009, 10:17:21 AM
It doesn't take many bigots to make things unpleasant. Maybe 99/100 of the interactions that an asian chap has with a white person are fine. The one in a hundred might translate to an unpleasant incident every month or so..........well, that would really piss me off.
Yeah. This is pretty much the usual mechanism these days. It's one of the reasons I am not out at work - it's that I expect to be fired or ostracized, but I don't want to deal with a crap like that, chuckles behind my back, fag jokes and the like. It's not like I'm going to run to the management every time it happens etc.
Quote from: Martinus on March 31, 2009, 01:23:52 PM
Quote from: Richard Hakluyt on March 31, 2009, 10:17:21 AM
It doesn't take many bigots to make things unpleasant. Maybe 99/100 of the interactions that an asian chap has with a white person are fine. The one in a hundred might translate to an unpleasant incident every month or so..........well, that would really piss me off.
Yeah. This is pretty much the usual mechanism these days. It's one of the reasons I am not out at work - it's that I expect to be fired or ostracized, but I don't want to deal with a crap like that, chuckles behind my back, fag jokes and the like. It's not like I'm going to run to the management every time it happens etc.
Yeah no way you'd hang around a place like that.
Anyway, hope the situation improves for Mr. Dad. Maybe the key bully quits or gets in a freak gardening accident or something.
So does Languish look like it needs repeat of p'dox ot topics?
Quote from: garbon on March 31, 2009, 01:59:52 PM
So does Languish look like it needs repeat of p'dox ot topics?
But if you want double the attention...?
Quote from: garbon on March 31, 2009, 01:59:52 PM
So does Languish look like it needs repeat of p'dox ot topics?
It's really your fault for reading Pdox.
99% of the interweb is an echo chamber anyway. why should we be any different?
Phillip: Have you seen Billy Jack? :ph34r:
I think the number one thing you can do for your dad is what was suggested up-thread, that you make sure he knows you appreciate the sacrifices he made for you. If you can scrape up the cash to treat him to a Cambodia trip, ideally with you, that'd be an excellent gesture.
Threatening the people at his work who are dicks to him could be satisfying, but it's hard to pull off without knowing more of the specifics there.
At this point I don't think pushing to "improve his English" is really going to help the situation, but help finding him some peers might go a long way to cheer him up. Yeah, your family lived in a white neighbourhood to avoid having the kids sucked into gang related crime. Likely a good call. Now, the situation is different and perhaps it'll do your father good to hang out with other Cambodians his age once in a while to eat food, drink tea and play mah jong (or rather, the Cambodian equivalent) and speak his native tongue without feeling bad about it. It's unlikely this'll expose his family to dangers at this point and it could cheer him up. Connecting with the Cambodian community could also potential put you (and him) in connection with resources that are more acceptable to him than seeing a therapist - I don't know, perhaps some sort of religious or spiritual person who can chat with him about things or maybe simply a group of people who've been through similar things as himself.
Finally, of course, you could find yourself a nice woman and have some kids at the earliest opportunity. If he's anything like 95% of parents, few things will give him more joy than having grandkids to spoil and fuss about.
It sounds like he's lonely. The two best counters to that is to somehow connect him to people who'll make him less lonely and to emphasize the good things that came out of his sacrifices.
Good luck :hug:
oh and Philip I really liked Jacob's response about your problem with yr Dad. reconnecting to his community (esp if kids are all grown) will put a smile back on his face and make it easier to shrug off morons at work. Grandkids also work wonders in this regard.
Quote from: garbon on March 31, 2009, 01:59:52 PM
So does Languish look like it needs repeat of p'dox ot topics?
Yes, yes it does. Ideally, it needs a repeat of all the interesting and/ or amusing paradox topics.
Quote from: Jacob on April 01, 2009, 12:32:34 PM
Yes, yes it does. Ideally, it needs a repeat of all the interesting and/ or amusing paradox topics.
But Crunchy disappeared. :(
Or did he hit his peak over at Kapland?
And P5, I'm gonna echo the comment about showing up in uniform. It takes a special class of loser to get stared down by a soldier and then keep talking smack to their father. I gotta admit, usually my father was the one people were intimidated by (only intentially when dealing with administrators who were giving me a hard time, though), but in college I got hit by some of the hazing, and it mysteriously stopped once I made a point of hanging around my marine buddies.
That's true, Carrot. Most people are able to dredge up some faux-respect or at least polite manners for men in uniform.