15 Things Gay Men Need To Stop Doing

[merithyn]

I like Jennifer Lawrence and she is fat.

Does this makes me a good guy?

No, it just means you can't tell the difference between "Hollywood Fat" (i.e. has natural non-A cup boobs) and "Real World Fat" (i.e. has natural D cup boobs)

WTF? Having D cups means you're fat now? 

[merithyn]

I'm sure he's equally terrible in real life.

I mean if Seedy likes him...

He's actually delightful in real life.

[Viking]

I like Jennifer Lawrence and she is fat.

Does this makes me a good guy?

No, it just means you can't tell the difference between "Hollywood Fat" (i.e. has natural non-A cup boobs) and "Real World Fat" (i.e. has natural D cup boobs)

WTF? Having D cups means you're fat now? 

Nope, it's just I objectify women in such a manner that they are reduced to breasts.

[Martinus]

Ok just so there is no misunderstanding, I will respond to each point separately, since I think some of this is bullshit, some of this is trite, and some may be partially true.

1) Having an irrational fear of effeminacy in guys. It's basically misplaced misogyny. I know we all have things we're attracted to, but there's a big difference between being attracted to masculine guys and being disgusted by so-called "queens," so take note all you people who write "No Fems/Queens/Fashion Divas" in your profiles. Why without queens, this world would be an undecorated, deeply boring and highly uninspired place!

I may enjoy the company of (some) over-the-top effeminate gays in social sense (though many of them are horribly shallow and stupid) but it is bullshit to equate lack of sexual interest in them with an "irrational fear". I am not attracted to effeminate gay men, though again I would probably not write it in my profile as fems would respond anyway thinking themselves butch. In short, there is a lot of confusion and mixing of things here.

2) Describing yourself as "straight-acting." What does that even mean? You S the D, right? WELP THERE IS NOTHING STRAIGHT ACTING ABOUT THAT AS FAR AS I AM AWARE.

"Straight-acting" may be a misnomer but so is "homophobia" - yet both have a recognised, established meaning by now so why change that? I guess one could say that one acts "normal" (as opposed to over-the-top flamboyancy that is popularly associated with male homosexuality), but then it would be more offensive, wouldn't it? In any case, not being flamboyant is a trait many consider attractive so why not flaunt it?

3) Trying to fit some magical ideal of gay male beauty. I always get so sad when I see gay men who aren't able to express themselves the way they should because they are so wrapped up in being just like all the other gays. You know — the gay clones. I don't blame you, though. We do what we have to to gain acceptance. There was a period where I fully believed that if I did not wear an Abercrombie t-shirt that no gay man would ever find me attractive or want to date me. All the gays wore Abercrombie, so I felt like if I wanted acceptance, so should I. Right?

This is a more general/generic comment about appearance-focused culture, which may be bullshit or trite, depending on how you apply it in practice. Sure, being too obsessed with your looks is bad, but so is being a fat slob. I never felt obsessed with wearing an Abercrombie t-shirt, though, so perhaps I can't relate to this guy's need to overcompensate for being shallow in the past. Useless comment, really.

4) Using the world "masculine" as a primary self descriptor. Is there nothing else to you but that?

Again, see my comments about "straight acting" above. That's a descriptor like any other.

5) Using Grindr ACROSS MULTIPLE DEVICES. You open up your Grindr and there he is — twice. Gurl. You only need to use Grindr on one device. Having it on two does NOT expand your radius/increase your chances!

Ok, this one is completely out of whack, in relation to the others. I guess it's annoying if someone does that but never had that problem. Who gives a shit?

6) And speaking of Grindr, no more iPad bathroom mirror pics pls.

Ok, again, yeah, they are kinda cheesy, but listing this as one of the 15 top gay men's faults is kinda petty/stupid.

7) You've seen this one before. "Not into black guys, sorry." Or "Only into other fit hot white dudes." Um, problematic? And of course that leads to the following: can we stop justifying our distaste for other brown bodies with the phrase "it's not racist, it's just a preference"? Because like, if you have to preface what you're saying with "it's not racist" then it is definitely racist!

No it's not racist, just as not being into licking a vagina does not make you a male chauvinist...

8) Getting mad or defensive if somebody calls you "girl" or "gurl." Yes, I know you have a penis and yes I know you are not a girl you party pooping sour puss. Gay men calling each other "girl" is a term of affection, not unlike how all those hot straight white guys roaming free call each other bro.

Don't have a problem with that. I sometimes do that myself, for an occassional humour. The thing is, people who overuse it also happen to often be fairly annoying flamboyant over-the-top gays (and again, this is not about being annoying because you are gay - but because you are acting like an obnoxious retard) so I can see how some people may object to that.

9) Saying, "We don't want to marry. We just want to fuck." I know that marriage isn't for everyone, and everyone is certainly entitled to their own opinion. I'm not even going to say something moralistic like gay men need to tone it down with the promiscuous, sexual rhetoric. You should be getting laid every second of every day if that's your thing! But let's not forget that our gay brothers out there would really benefit from having the same rights and privileges as straight couples. It's like the gay rhetoric used against anti-gay people: if you don't want to get gay married, don't marry a gay. Let's not rain on other people's chance to do so.

Another of those out of left field ones. Again, I don't disagree with the argument but I can see how some gay people may believe that gay marriage is actually heteronormative assimilation.

10) Worrying about things you do that are "too gay." Also? Saying you "hate" gay culture. You don't "do" drag queens because they "scare" you. You want to find someone nice and normal who isn't in the scene. What are we all so afraid of?

Depends on the meaning of the word "do". I like drag queen shows. I wouldn't do a guy in a drag. I know gay guys who both dislike the scene, are fairly ambivalent about it (me, for example) or love it. I am not sure about the argument that you have to like a certain type of music and films because you suck dick, though - wasn't this guy actually complaining a moment ago all gays shouldn't each be like clones who do the same thing?

11) FAKE TANNING. I don't have anything against tanning per se BUT there are certain kinds of tans that are just unacceptable — like the ones that come out of a bottle! I need you to not rub off on my sheets k thanks. This is a lesson I would like to extend to all people in society. Your skin color should not be coming out of a bottle, and if you're going to get tan at least make sure your booty is the same color as the rest of you!

Fair enough. Never did it, never will. Query: why was this something I should take note of?

12) Uploading shirtless photos to Facebook. Yes I said it!

It depends if you look hot, shirtless. I don't. Case closed.

13) Can we cut it out with the gay inches? You gays know what I mean — saying in gay social networking spaces that your piece is eight full inches!! There is no way that every gay man on the earth has such a promised, magical wand.

Ok. But again, it sounds like something fairly trivial/banal.

14) Hating other gay men.

Even Perez Hilton?

15) Hating ourselves.

Ok.
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[Martinus]

People often think of themselves as being better than they actually are.

Except that isn't what is being discussed here. We are discussing whether or not I would tell someone to their face that I found them unattractive because they are fat. That simply wouldn't happen and I've never done so.

Ok I am gonna bite. Do you actually act in real life, face-to-face social interactions the way you act on this forum?

[garbon]

People often think of themselves as being better than they actually are.

Except that isn't what is being discussed here. We are discussing whether or not I would tell someone to their face that I found them unattractive because they are fat. That simply wouldn't happen and I've never done so.

Ok I am gonna bite. Do you actually act in real life, face-to-face social interactions the way you act on this forum?

I think that depends on how you think I act here.

[Martinus]

People often think of themselves as being better than they actually are.

Except that isn't what is being discussed here. We are discussing whether or not I would tell someone to their face that I found them unattractive because they are fat. That simply wouldn't happen and I've never done so.

Ok I am gonna bite. Do you actually act in real life, face-to-face social interactions the way you act on this forum?

I think that depends on how you think I act here.

Like an anti-social spoiled brat with ADHD.

[garbon]

People often think of themselves as being better than they actually are.

Except that isn't what is being discussed here. We are discussing whether or not I would tell someone to their face that I found them unattractive because they are fat. That simply wouldn't happen and I've never done so.

Ok I am gonna bite. Do you actually act in real life, face-to-face social interactions the way you act on this forum?

I think that depends on how you think I act here.

Like an anti-social spoiled brat with ADHD.

Then no.

Also, you've met me in person.

[Martinus]

It was very brief, but you didn't seem anti-social. I was making fun of your claim that you act online the way you act in real life. Noone does.

[garbon]

I think I was pretty clear in the past that I'm actually pretty similar apart from the fact that in real life, I generally avoid speaking to people I dislike rather than confronting them.  Well that and perhaps my jibes don't come across as well as you can't see me smiling/laughing as I type them (or rather as I would be smiling/laughing if I said them to you in person).

[Viking]

is it just me or has every straight man who read this thread thought that 15 points wasn't needed, only point was needed and that involved fondling other mens' genitals.

[Valmy]

Again, I don't disagree with the argument but I can see how some gay people may believe that gay marriage is actually heteronormative assimilation.

If you do not assimilate gay with normal then how exactly are you going to overcome heteronormativity?  I mean assuming being normal is something you want, and if you have a problem with heteronormativity then you probably do.

[The Larch]

I don't get the hoopla around Jennifer Lawrence. She's ordinary-looking and not just in the chest.

Tell me where you live because if



is considered ordinary-looking over there I want to make a visit.

[Eddie Teach]

Focus on the part above the neck. She looks like about a dozen girls I went to high school with.

[Valmy]

Focus on the part above the neck. She looks like about a dozen girls I went to high school with.

Pfft internet standards.