What I Learned From Gay Sex: Misogyny and Homophobia

[Lettow77]

 1) Media and society have an over-focus on and exaltation of sexuality that is exclusionist and belittling
2) gender should be legally assigned when an individual is old enough to make the decision themselves and separate from biological sexuality
3) pronouns laden with gender roles should not be thrust upon people against their will

  But a lot of it is just reaching out for "understanding" of what snowflakes they are.

[garbon]

I know a few folks who identify as asexuals and are quite vigorous about the right to be so.

Interesting.  What are their demands?

Well it has got to be problematic in relationships between and asexual and a non-asexual. There's also probably (like with bisexuality) people who don't think that category really exists.

[Lettow77]

Well it has got to be problematic in relationships between and asexual and a non-asexual.

On the contrary, this is a rather ideal relationship. One person can virtuously submit themselves to another person's lust and be a given sacrifice, rather than two people living in wanton and debasing mutual passion. Sexuality borne for another person's sake rather than one's own gratification is much more noble

[CountDeMoney]

How often have you been virtuously submitting your pink puckered bunghole to your roommate's lust as a given sacrifice, Lettuce?

[Valmy]

2) gender should be legally assigned when an individual is old enough to make the decision themselves and separate from biological sexuality

This is the only one that is really a demand...but since when has gender ever been legally assigned?  It has only ever been biological sex.  And I was not aware asexuality was connected to gender identity in any particular way

[Lettow77]

How often have you been virtuously submitting your pink puckered bunghole to your roommate's lust as a given sacrifice, Lettuce?

My roommate has no such indecent compulsions- as the flower of our generation, he is in a respectable long-term relationship with a modest, soft-spoken girl.

[garbon]

1) Media and society have an over-focus on and exaltation of sexuality that is exclusionist and belittling
2) gender should be legally assigned when an individual is old enough to make the decision themselves and separate from biological sexuality
3) pronouns laden with gender roles should not be thrust upon people against their will

  But a lot of it is just reaching out for "understanding" of what snowflakes they are.

I'm having a hard time believing that 2 and 3 are demands from asexuals. Those seems to fit more with transexuals/intersex.

[garbon]

Well it has got to be problematic in relationships between and asexual and a non-asexual.

On the contrary, this is a rather ideal relationship. One person can virtuously submit themselves to another person's lust and be a given sacrifice, rather than two people living in wanton and debasing mutual passion. Sexuality borne for another person's sake rather than one's own gratification is much more noble

Yes because I can see as an asexual person that I'd really like being used as a masturbatory aid.

[Lettow77]

 The is considerable overlap with asexuality and feeling your gender is misplaced- which I am reluctant to call transexual if only because they reject sexuality as well.

  As for whether the asexual in question likes being used for another's desires, well, of course not! One hopes they might get intellectual satisfaction for fulfilling their role to someone they love, of course.

Can you see "as an asexual person", garbon? Do you have much context for sexuality you engage in while despising?

But anyway, this sort of thing isn't as strange as it must sound- housewives having sex when their husbands when they'd really rather not, and not enjoying it throughout, is hardly new; neither are women sleeping with men due to social pressures and expectations rather than lust.

[garbon]

The is considerable overlap with asexuality and feeling your gender is misplaced- which I am reluctant to call transexual if only because they reject sexuality as well.

Still not really sure I see that. A lack of sex drive and gender identity concerns are not really the same thing.

  As for whether the asexual in question likes being used for another's desires, well, of course not! One hopes they might get intellectual satisfaction for fulfilling their role to someone they love, of course.

Can you see "as an asexual person", garbon? Do you have much context for sexuality you engage in while despising?

But anyway, this sort of thing isn't as strange as it must sound- housewives having sex when their husbands when they'd really rather not, and not enjoying it throughout, is hardly new; neither are women sleeping with men due to social pressures and expectations rather than lust.

Sure, I've had sex at times that I wasn't feel particularly sexual because my partner at the time was into it (talking in the context of a relationship). I can't imagine having a long-term relationship where we had sex and I was never feeling it.  Also, I've read about asexuals noting that as something that can cause difficulties in relationships with the sexually-inclined.

[Malthus]

As a straight guy, it just seems odd to me that the only folk who appear to favor femme types en mass are straight guys. Everyone else appears to view masculine as "more sexy".

Straight women - goes without saying;

Gay men; and

Gay women ... all appear, as a generality, to favour people who look/act stereotypically "masculine".

[Martinus]

I think even T does not really fit with the rest of the GLBT - the nature of demands here is entirely different.

[Martinus]

Gay women ... all appear, as a generality, to favour people who look/act stereotypically "masculine".

I believe this is wrong - there is this whole butch/femme divide in lesbian culture.

Also, for some reason, a lot of bisexual/closeted gay guys seem to like more feminine guys.

[Malthus]

Gay women ... all appear, as a generality, to favour people who look/act stereotypically "masculine".

I believe this is wrong - there is this whole butch/femme divide in lesbian culture.

I have no serious insight into lesbian culture, but anecdotally, every single lesbian I've ever known has been "butch". Of course that could be because they stand out more, but their GFs were "butch" too.

Sadly, "lipstick lesbians" appear to be more a creation of porn than a real-life thing - at least, as a generality. 

[Martinus]

I think it makes an interesting point about pervasive misogyny, even though that's something of an aside.

Nevertheless, I'm not sure I buy that there is this critical mass of gay men who demand non-femmy partners.  If that were the case, how are all the shockingly twinky gay men I've met getting laid?  I mean, I can practically guarantee that if I were gay, I'd probably still want to fuck skinny people that were shorter than me.

If you were gay, you'd want different traits than you do now. It's kinda in the definition of gay. It's not like a straight guy who's got a gun to his head and told to fuck dudes.

However, if gays are anything like the lesbians on the L Word, you may have a point. The androgynous Shane was a mac daddy while the much hotter Jenny had more struggles. 

I think it differs from a person to a person but I always said that if I wanted to have sex with something that looks like a woman, acts like a woman and talks like a woman I'd be straight.

Ah so I guess you don't take issue with the homophobia as you project it everyday.

Why is that homophobia? Effeminate guys are simply a turn-off for me. Sure, it's not a binary situation - it's not like I only have sex/date/am attracted to macho guys - in fact my boyfriend is an otter and I do not like bears or guys who are older than me - but lisping queens with limp wrists are a turn-off.