Would you consider your spouse getting fat a good reason for divorce?

[Ideologue]

Did you miss an "l"?  What?

Umm, no I think that was a properly formed sentence.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pro-ana

I DO NOT.

[Ideologue]

I mean, maybe it's overdiagnosed though.

[garbon]

[Ideologue]

Should someone with anorexia nervosa be made to feel ugly and unattractive? Should she be shunned and ostracized? Or should she say, "Look at me! I'm awesome! I'm tiny, and I'm beautiful!"

[katmai]

It's okay Ide, i know i'd dump your ass if you got fat.

[HVC]

It's okay Ide, i know i'd dump your ass if you got fat.

if?

[garbon]

Should someone with anorexia nervosa be made to feel ugly and unattractive? Should she be shunned and ostracized? Or should she say, "Look at me! I'm awesome! I'm tiny, and I'm beautiful!"

I don't think any of those things happen. I think what happens is people say "Oh gurl, let me get you an extra helping. You need to put some meat on those bones."

[HVC]

Should someone with anorexia nervosa be made to feel ugly and unattractive? Should she be shunned and ostracized? Or should she say, "Look at me! I'm awesome! I'm tiny, and I'm beautiful!"

I don't think any of those things happen. I think what happens is people say "Oh gurl, let me get you an extra helping. You need to put some meat on those bones."

and then they have uncomfortable boney sex.

[sbr]

Now ide's pants are a dairy factory.

[Eddie Teach]

I don't think any of those things happen. I think what happens is people say "Oh gurl, let me get you an extra helping. You need to put some meat on those bones."

Which could be taken for an insult just like a suggestion that one should join a gym.

[garbon]

I felt like an enabler giving that pro-ana link.

[Ideologue]

Should someone with anorexia nervosa be made to feel ugly and unattractive? Should she be shunned and ostracized? Or should she say, "Look at me! I'm awesome! I'm tiny, and I'm beautiful!"

I don't think any of those things happen. I think what happens is people say "Oh gurl, let me get you an extra helping. You need to put some meat on those bones."

I freely admit I have never said "gurl."

I also take it you didn't see what I did there.

[garbon]

I wasn't trying to imitate you but give an honest reaction of people to anorexics. They want to feed them, not shame them. That's why though I saw what you were doing - ignored it as unrealistic.

[CountDeMoney]

Should someone with anorexia nervosa be made to feel ugly and unattractive? Should she be shunned and ostracized? Or should she say, "Look at me! I'm awesome! I'm tiny, and I'm beautiful!"

I don't think any of those things happen. I think what happens is people say "Oh gurl, let me get you an extra helping. You need to put some meat on those bones."

I don't think Ide could pull off a matronly black grandmother without being insulting.  Mmmm, greens.

[merithyn]

Berk, you can definitely tell what causes sleep apnea. It's part of the tests they run.

But the rest of your argument stands. Okay, stjaba left his morbidly obese girlfriend because he was so concerned for her health that he had to go. I'm sure that was the case.

Truthfully, we broke up for a variety of reasons. She was approximately 140-145 pounds when we started dating. I wasn't weighing her on a regular basis, but she got to her peak weight maybe within a year of dating. She was close to 200 pounds. She was around 185 pounds when we broke up. For the majority of our relationship (3.5 years) she was obese (or morbidly obese).

With respect to why we broke up, I no longer was physically attracted to her. Watching her eat large quantities of food all the time disgusted me. She regularly out-ate me. She'd regularly eat a whole medium size pizza herself. I'd do everything I can to encourage her to eat healthier, or in smaller portions, but nothing worked.

I'd do everything I can to encourage her to work out or at least walk, and she'd refuse. I'd say, 'Why don't we work out together" and she'd complain that the apartment gym was too small and claustrophobic. I'd say, "Why don't we work out at the campus gym [not small or claustrophobic] and she complained that it was too big and had too many people. I'd say, why don't we work out in the morning when there's no one there, and she complained that it was too  early. Same for late in the evening- "It's too late".

When I suggested making walking or running outside, the complaint was that it was either too hot or too cold. I'd encourage her to get healthy items, and she was offended. I tried subtle hints, and it never worked. I tried obvious hints, and it never worked. She was extremely sensitive about her weight, so I tried everything I could without being offensive to her. She asked me a million times if I thought she was fat, and I always lied and told her no.

When she wasn't in class, she spent her time in bed. She wouldn't even want to watch TV on the couch- she had to be prone in bed, all the time. She refused to do anything outside of the house because it was too hot, too cold, too late, or too early. The only activities she did outside the house involved shopping or sedentary things like watching movies.

Aside from all the weight issues, she was constantly depressed and in a bad mood. She cut herself and regularly overdosed on her prescription meds. She cut herself and was depressed because she was overweight. Eating made her feel better, so she just got fatter. She had constant issues with sleeping- she could never get enough sleep despite the fact she spent the day in bed and took constant naps (this is where the sleep apnea comes in). Note, that she started having sleep issues after she gained a lot of weight.

The interesting thing is that she used to be super fit and skinny. When she was in high school she was thin as a bone and ran cross country. When she was a freshman and sophomore, she worked out 2 hours a day at the campus gym and was super hot. But once she started gaining weight, she wouldn't work out anymore.

So, I put up with her for years. I took care of her for years, with little appreciation or thanks (aside from her parents). She was so lazy she'd refuse to get her own meds all the time. So I'd have to run by CVS every month to get them since she didn't want to do it. She didn't know how to run the dish washer or the clothes washer. After a while I got sick of dealing with her lazy ass. Good riddance.

I figured she would finally lose weight once we broke up, out of desperation. Based on  a few pictures I've seen of her, it looks like she has lost a little weight, but she is still obese.

Basically, most of the issues in our relationship stemmed from her obesity. Her mental health issues got worse the fatter she got. Her desire to do things outside the house got worse over time. The fatter she got, the less attracted I was to her. The lazier she got, the more I resented her.

This is what happened to me, right down to the "laziness" and refusing to leave the house. I wasn't lazy. I was depressed. I wasn't ashamed of my size. I was depressed. The more anyone (myself included) addressed my weight, the more depressed I got, and the worse the situation became. It was cyclical, but it was only one small piece of the puzzle. I was also miserable in my marriage, unhappy with my career prospects (none), and suffering from post-partem blues.

I'll give my exhusband this. He understood the depression, even if he did little to help with it. He never called me lazy or disgusting. He just never knew what to do with the depression I was in, so he ran away rather than dealing with it.