How do I lose 5 pounds in 7 days?

[Tonitrus]

One of those really deep, far-reaching enemas (not really serious).

[katmai]

Has anyone suggested amputation yet?

[Tonitrus]

Has anyone suggested amputation yet?

I just assumed that that kind of operation wouldn't heal sufficiently inside 7 days to look good on a physical.

[Ed Anger]

I usually drop a pants size after a good dump.

[MadImmortalMan]

I usually drop a pants size after a good dump.

I seem to recall Meri suggesting something of this type to Jaron a while back.   

[viper37]

So how do I do this and not derail my entire diet/exercise plan? Or worse, make myself sick? Am I going to have to cut my calories drastically for the next week to make this happen? And what affect will that have on me once I go back to eating normally?

laxatives, tons of it.  They will not only clean out anything left in your intestines, but they will dehydrate you as well.

[DGuller]

I don't know if anyone mentioned this, but dehydration is the surest bet.  Human body stores a shitload of water.  Speaking of shitloads, laxatives wouldn't hurt either.

[katmai]

Yeah i dropped like 8 lbs over Christmas fighting the bout of bronchitis

[Siege]

Next week, I'm scheduled to have a new job physical. This physical will set my health insurance rates, so it's kind of a big one for me. The problem is that I am five pounds too heavy to qualify for the better rates. It doesn't matter that I'm a fairly solid girl, or that my body fat isn't as high as my weight would have you believe. What matters is that on the BMI scale, I am obese.

Because they only allow you to update these numbers once every six months, if I do not lose five pounds by next Thursday, I will be stuck paying a 10% "penalty" for six months. I'm infuriated by this, but it's company policy, so there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Funnily enough, I work for a health insurance company. *rolls eyes*

So how do I do this and not derail my entire diet/exercise plan? Or worse, make myself sick? Am I going to have to cut my calories drastically for the next week to make this happen? And what affect will that have on me once I go back to eating normally?

Didn;t read your post, too much lite beer.
But my 2 centx:

This is for the whole 6 days out of the 7 days, since I would neve r recoment to work out on shabbat.

5 pull ups, 10 dips, 15 elevated push ups, 20 sit ups, 25 air squads.
Do it 10 times.
Then run 2 miles at combat speed.

Do this for 6 days, and you wil definitively lose more than 5 lbs.

[DGuller]

Doing 25 air squads, even once, would indeed lose you quite a bit of weight.  Not sure how Max would feel about that, though.

[MadImmortalMan]

Siegy posting drunk. 

[Siege]

I aint drunk. I'm steel posting, I am not?

[Razgovory]

Siegy posting drunk. 

I imagine his wife will come in and find half a can of Millerlite and Siege passed out.

[alfred russel]

Meri, I wouldn't try to improvise a technique that involves drugs (even over the counter stuff). I'd find a boxing or wrestling forum and follow some of their techniques, with the knowledge not to push things too far because they are athletes probably used to some of the methods. And being boxers and wrestlers, they may not have the best judgment anyway.

[katmai]

And being boxers and wrestlers, they may not have the best judgment anyway.