Funk's Football Manager 2012 Suckstravaganza

[katmai]

Enough that the team has never been relegated from La Liga.

[FunkMonk]

Javi Martinez and Iker Muniain were the guys got caught "partying with porn stars"

He must have pulled a muscle in the process.

Sometimes we forget that some of these famous superstar players are still kids.

[FunkMonk]

The next couple of games up are home against Litex (ANOTHER Bulgarian side??) in a Europa League tie and away to Real Betis, a miserable little Spanish club that belongs at the bottom of the table. No sweat, YEAH.

In some other mildly interesting news, our top, top target man Fernando Llorente wins the useless Goal of the Week award. Hopefully he'll add a lot more of these in the near future.



This match turns out to be a slogging bore fest. I'm not sure what went wrong. We were playing at home against a tiny Bulgarian side filled with nobodies so the boys must have dropped their standards accordingly. I'm mad, I'm frustrated, but no amount of sideline shouting and changing the match strategy to "Attacking" will put balls into goals.



Thirteen shots but only one on target? WTF? I can imagine what most of our chances looked like:


But, we shall overcome.


The Real Betis game isn't much better. Our players don't seem up for it and they're perhaps letting the screaming Betis fans get to them. Plus, Betis aren't laying down without a fight. They nick an early goal off a counterattack and we're facing a 1-0 deficit at the half. I decide to switch the formation a bit and sub in Ander Iturraspe. He rewards me with two goals, the winning one in the dying seconds of the game.

But I'm still annoyed, and I tell the team after the game how disappointed I was in their performance. Their reactions were amusing.



Filthy traitors.


On another sour note, during the game Llorente was called offsides about sixty times. That gives me an idea.

[Ed Anger]

 

[The Larch]

Javi Martinez and Iker Muniain were the guys got caught "partying with porn stars"

He must have pulled a muscle in the process.

Sometimes we forget that some of these famous superstar players are still kids.

I can't believe I missed that. 

[Warspite]

From what I can see of your screenshots, you're at the moment relying on overloading the opposing defensive line (you have seven players doing so in one screengrab), am I right?

Your worry there is that against a well-organised side you could lose the ball and then have most of your team taken out of the game by a single pass through the middle.

[garbon]

Does the game really need the stock photos from the American Male catalog?

What game doesn't?

[FunkMonk]

From what I can see of your screenshots, you're at the moment relying on overloading the opposing defensive line (you have seven players doing so in one screengrab), am I right?

Your worry there is that against a well-organised side you could lose the ball and then have most of your team taken out of the game by a single pass through the middle.

Offensively I'm all about getting players forward as quickly as possible when we win the ball, so I have attacking fullbacks support the forwards and attacking midfielders. Javi Martinez sits in front of the CBs and essentially plays a Busquets role, dropping deep and recycling possession.

In FM game terms, I've set the team to "Press More" and "Tackle Aggressively", combined with a high line, tight man-marking, quick tempo, and a default shout of "Hassle Opponents." Its designed to crowd the ball carrier and win the ball back high up the field so we can attack quickly and ruthlessly with our players transitioning quickly into attack. I've noticed most of my goals in the friendlies and early matches are the result of exactly this manner of play. If the opposing defense becomes organized, I'm up a creek without a paddle.

Defensively, this is a worry. Against a good side I don't think this will work that well. If I get a player sent off, it doesn't work at all, even if the other team isn't very good, because their extra player will have enough time to play a good pass down field.

Which is exactly what happens in a later match. 

[Pedrito]

Excellent AAR, and lovely Torres GIF 

L.

[The Larch]

I know next to nothing about the Spanish leagues other than the big two clubs and what Sid Lowe talks about on Football Weekly, so this oughta be fun.

Luckily for you, I'm around.  Check Lowe's articles in Sports Ilustrated or The Guardian, he's brilliant.

Here's an article he wrote about Marcelo Bielsa, the current coach of Athletic. And the guy you threw into unemployment to get the position in the game. 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2012/mar/07/marcelo-bielsa-athletic-bilbao-manchester-united

The interesting thing with Athletic is that they're restricted to only signing players who are ethnically Basque, so you can't go signing the latest Brazilian wonderkid.

Unless he's called Gerson Valdinho Aizkorreta, or something like that. 

Fun fact, one of Athletic's current 1st teamers, Fernando Amorebieta, is a Venezuelan international. He was born in Venezuela from Basque parents and the family moved back when he was a kid.

Here's another piece from Lowe on Athletic's "Basque only" policy, on the ocasion of the debut of Athletic's first black player, Jonás Ramalho (half Angolan, half Basque, born and raised in Bilbao):

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2011/writers/sid_lowe/11/23/jonas/index.html

Our finances at the start of the season are pretty good. I don't like buying super-expensive players anyway, but at Athletic you don't really have the choice to. You pretty much have to work with what you have and whatever new kids come up through the youth ranks.

Poaching talent from other Basque clubs (particulary Osasuna) is a time honoured tradition of Athletic, so get down to it!

Funny quote on that from Lowe (yet again!) after last weekend's Osasuna - Athletic match:

Athletic Bilbao had the chance to take fourth but, with Javi Martínez, Ander Herrera and Fernando Llorente left out of the starting XI, they lost 2-1 at Osasuna. There was an argument in the directors' box too where the Athletic president complained about the ball boys. The reply was priceless: don't worry, they're youth teamers here so you can take them off us like you always do.

After having a long perusal of the team, I decided on a 4-3-3. It's a young and energetic squad with some very good players in key positions. I decided to build the team around four players in particular:

Javi Martinez: He sits in front of the CBs and distributes the ball forward.
Llorente: Super strong target man who can score goals and lay off balls for onrushing midfielders
And Iker Munian, a 18-year-old wonderkid, as well as Ander Herrera, a playmaking midfielder.

Martínez and Llorente were in Spain's squad for the WC, doing the same roles you describe, and Muniaín has been recently called up for the 1st team as well, so there's no lack of talent at Athletic this year. Herrera is a couple of steps back, though, but you also have another international in Andoni Iraola, although he's more of a role player.

I figure this will work against most of the teams in the league since they are mostly crap, barring Real Madrid and Barcelona.

Careful with Valencia, Sevilla, Atlético, Villareal and Málaga, though. 

[The Larch]

Btw, with your crazy monies and lack of targets, here are a few interesting potential signings:

- Xabi Alonso: Well, duh. He's probably out of your league, though.
- Mikel Arteta: Arsenal's playmaker, childhood buddie of Alonso. Spanish international at all youth levels, but never for the 1st team.
- Aritz Aduriz: Valencia's striker and former Athletic player.
- Manuel Almunia: Arsenal's keeper and/or laughingstock. Originally from Osasuna.
- Raúl García: Osasuna's midfielder, on loan from Atlético. Great long range shot, more of a finisher rushing from behind than a playmaker.
- Asier del Horno: Levante's left back, previously Chelsea's, and former Athletic player. Talented but rapidly fading and with a reputation as a troublemaker.
- Natxo Monreal: Málaga's left back, originally from Osasuna and Spanish international, part of the WC winning squad.
- César Azpilikueta: Olympique Marseille's right back, originally from Osasuna and Spanish U 23 international. Was touted to become great but suffered a nasty injury last season which slowed down his progression.
- Íñigo Martínez: Real Sociedad's centre back, U 21 Spanish international player.
- Asier Illarramendi: Real Sociedad's midfielder, also Spanish U 21.

Check also Atlético's Juanfran eligibility. He's a right winger who played for Osasuna in the past, but was not born in the Basque country, so who knows his background.

As for other players, keep a permanent check on Real Sociedad and Osasuna, as they'll be your main sources of players besides your own youth system, and you have many more monies than them. There'll also be a smattering of middle class players around the league, most probably all former players of either Athletic, Real Sociedad or Osasuna. This is a bad time for Basque footie besides these three clubs, as the next teams are in the Segunda B, the Spanish 3rd tier of the pyramid. There you should check Alavés (they've come a long way down since reaching the UEFA finals against Liverpool in 2001) and smaller Basque teams like Eibar, Sestao, Real Unión. These teams all have to play against Athletic's B team, which is in the same group, as well as Real Sociedad's and Osasuna's own B teams.

There might be other eligible players abroad, either youngsters in English clubs or middle class guys all over Europe.

[The Larch]

As for your current squad, here are a few interesting characters, in case you want to include their shenanigans in your AAR.

- Carlos Gurpegi was banned for two years for testing positive for nandrolone in 2003, and after much litigation (during which he argued that his unusually high nandrolone levels were natural because he's so fucking tough, which earned him the moniker of "Drugpegi" from other teams' fans) finally served the ban during 2006-08. He was never released from Athletic during that period.
- Gaizka Tokero is a fan favourite because of his tireless style of running up and down the pitch all match long, workhorse attitude and never giving the fuck up. He wears number 2 despite being a striker and is nicknamed "The Lehendakari", the title of the Basque regional president. He is a late arrival to first tier footie, having played in the lower levels of Spanish footie all his career until he was spotted by Athletic playing for Sestao and signed when he was already 24.
- Óscar de Marcos received this season one of the most gruesome injuries you can imagine, a scrotum tear during a match which required 25 stitches.   
- Aitor Ocio, a backup veteran centre back is also part of the male model clique at Athletic, with Llorente and Javi Martínez. Seriously, those three have all modelled at some point or the other.

[Viking]

Excellent AAR, and lovely Torres GIF 

L.

He's now played 24 hours straight without scoring. He passed the 24 hour mark as a substitute in Chelsea's 4-1 win at Stamford Bridge.

[katmai]

A few weeks ago, Bielsa was stopped by a group of kids who asked him to sign their sticker album. He said no, he had a better idea. He took the album off them and told them to meet him the following day, same place, same time. When he turned up 24 hours later, the entire team had signed the album. Not just any team: El Loco's team, the most exciting Athletic have had in three decades.

That's cool, damn you for sacking him Funk!

[FunkMonk]

Excellent AAR, and lovely Torres GIF 

L.

He's now played 24 hours straight without scoring. He passed the 24 hour mark as a substitute in Chelsea's 4-1 win at Stamford Bridge.

I feel sorry for the guy.