Ohio school district hires collection agency to go after unpaid lunch money

[Sheilbh]

for example how many kids on free school meals get into Oxbridge.

How many?  Curious.

I think the last year we have figures for show Oxford accepted 25, Cambridge 20.  The total intake of undergrads was 6000, so it was under 1%.

[CountDeMoney]

Damned quotas.

[Ed Anger]

All those Columbus based collection agencies just splooged their pants.

[Malthus]

When I was in school I came up with the perfect solution. Sadly, my modest proposal was never adopted.

I called it the "trough" method.

Remember back in school that lunches were mostly limp vegitables, heated meat patties, greasy fries and the like, all covered in watery gravy? And that the kids ate more like little animals than people?

Here's the plan: instead of serving individual meals, simply construct a trough down the centre of the lunchroom, with one end in the kitchen; have the bottom inclined to create a slow flow. Put your limp vegitables, greasy fries etc. in the high end of the trough in the kitchen, all floating on a river of gravy. Give the kids cheap plastic forks to stab out passing morsels.

Then, kids pay - not to eat, but for their placement along the trough. They pay more for being close to the place where the food originates, and progressively less as they go towards the further end. The kids who cannot pay anything go to the very end.  Of course, those towards the end get the less desireable bits, have to deal with half-eaten chunks etc. and everything is colder and more congealed.

The trough method serves many purposes: it ensures everyone is fed, it saves the school money (as it surely costs less to maintain a single trough than to serve individual portions), and it acts as a useful allegory for our social system while teaching children the value of money and social hierarchy. 

[CountDeMoney]

All those Columbus based collection agencies just splooged their pants.

You know, I can't understand how there are so many fucking collection agencies in Columbus, and yet everybody's so fucking polite.  I don't git it.  It's like a town of passive-aggressive retards.

[Ed Anger]

All those Columbus based collection agencies just splooged their pants.

You know, I can't understand how there are so many fucking collection agencies in Columbus, and yet everybody's so fucking polite.  I don't git it.  It's like a town of passive-aggressive retards.

I think they get the collection agency workers from Dublin, Franklin county's Prickland.

[CountDeMoney]

I dunno, man...just seems like every time I go to Columbus, it's like stepping into Groundhog Day.  GIMME THAT TOASTER PLZ

[sbr]

Love the trough malthus

[Sheilbh]

Then, kids pay - not to eat, but for their placement along the trough. They pay more for being close to the place where the food originates, and progressively less as they go towards the further end. The kids who cannot pay anything go to the very end.  Of course, those towards the end get the less desireable bits, have to deal with half-eaten chunks etc. and everything is colder and more congealed.

The trough method serves many purposes: it ensures everyone is fed, it saves the school money (as it surely costs less to maintain a single trough than to serve individual portions), and it acts as a useful allegory for our social system while teaching children the value of money and social hierarchy. 

Why make them pay?  Make them fight.  Teach them real Darwinism not the social variety

[Maximus]

Wouldn't real Darwinism reward reproductive success rather than just combat ability?

[Malthus]

Wouldn't real Darwinism reward reproductive success rather than just combat ability?

Do we really want to go there? 

[Malthus]

Then, kids pay - not to eat, but for their placement along the trough. They pay more for being close to the place where the food originates, and progressively less as they go towards the further end. The kids who cannot pay anything go to the very end.  Of course, those towards the end get the less desireable bits, have to deal with half-eaten chunks etc. and everything is colder and more congealed.

The trough method serves many purposes: it ensures everyone is fed, it saves the school money (as it surely costs less to maintain a single trough than to serve individual portions), and it acts as a useful allegory for our social system while teaching children the value of money and social hierarchy. 

Why make them pay?  Make them fight.  Teach them real Darwinism not the social variety

Naw, the fighting thing has less real-world applications.

What you need, is to allow them to scam each other out of their lunch money. 

[Razgovory]

Remember back in school that lunches were mostly limp vegitables, heated meat patties, greasy fries and the like, all covered in watery gravy? And that the kids ate more like little animals than people?

Wait, what are school lunches like now?  And isn't gravy sorta verboten for you Jews?

[The Brain]

Our lunches were "free".

[Martinus]

When I was in school I came up with the perfect solution. Sadly, my modest proposal was never adopted.

I called it the "trough" method.

Remember back in school that lunches were mostly limp vegitables, heated meat patties, greasy fries and the like, all covered in watery gravy? And that the kids ate more like little animals than people?

Here's the plan: instead of serving individual meals, simply construct a trough down the centre of the lunchroom, with one end in the kitchen; have the bottom inclined to create a slow flow. Put your limp vegitables, greasy fries etc. in the high end of the trough in the kitchen, all floating on a river of gravy. Give the kids cheap plastic forks to stab out passing morsels.

Then, kids pay - not to eat, but for their placement along the trough. They pay more for being close to the place where the food originates, and progressively less as they go towards the further end. The kids who cannot pay anything go to the very end.  Of course, those towards the end get the less desireable bits, have to deal with half-eaten chunks etc. and everything is colder and more congealed.

The trough method serves many purposes: it ensures everyone is fed, it saves the school money (as it surely costs less to maintain a single trough than to serve individual portions), and it acts as a useful allegory for our social system while teaching children the value of money and social hierarchy. 

It also serves a health objective, as (i) it forces kids to exercise while they are fighting for a spot at the trough, (2) it puts the fat, slow kids on a diet-of-necessity as they are beaten to the trough by stronger, more fit kids.