Stupid criminal stories

[Barrister]

Police approach a parked vehicle because it is blocking an alley.  Their suspicions are raised when they observe a machete in the back seat and a crack pipe.  They also observe 3 or 4 folded $100 bills on the dash, fluttering in the breeze.  They comment "you're gonna lose your $100 bills".

The female passenger immediately responds "that's okay, they're fake".

[Monoriu]

3 people live in a public housing unit.  Each has mental issues.  The mother is a compulsive junk gatherer.  The father is a compulsive gambler.  The son suffers from delusions. 

Son is unhappy with the father's gambling, so he used a knife to attack him.  There are over 100 wounds.  The father is near death, but the mother refused to call the police.  If the government finds out the amount of trash inside the home, they will confiscate the flat. 

After two weeks, the father is almost dead.  The mother and son tied him up on a chair, put him on the street, then called police to report that he was attacked under mysterious circumstances. 

He has died. 

[Tonitrus]

Mono is such a kill-joy.

[Fireblade]

Siegemaster drives into an Iraqi village in his Stryker and mows down all the women and children going about their day. Then he shits into the village well.

Hansmeister spins it into an attempted IED attack, a complete vindication of GOP policies, and a stunning repudiation of the socialistmuslimnazikenyan Usurper Barack HUSSEIN Whosyourmama.

The end.

[Brazen]

Window cleaner caught on phone camera stealing from bedroom window.

Excuse Daily Wail link, it's the only national that carried the video.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2096745/Window-cleaner-caught-camera-reaching-bedroom-steal-credit-card.html

[DGuller]

3 people live in a public housing unit.  Each has mental issues.  The mother is a compulsive junk gatherer.  The father is a compulsive gambler.  The son suffers from delusions. 

Son is unhappy with the father's gambling, so he used a knife to attack him.  There are over 100 wounds.  The father is near death, but the mother refused to call the police.  If the government finds out the amount of trash inside the home, they will confiscate the flat. 

After two weeks, the father is almost dead.  The mother and son tied him up on a chair, put him on the street, then called police to report that he was attacked under mysterious circumstances. 

He has died.

So, did the government ever find out about the amount of trash inside the home?

[Iormlund]

My favourite has always been the one about the bank robbers who, right after "withdrawing" about 60k € from a bank, went to another branch of THE SAME bank and deposited the money - down to the last peseta - in their bank accounts.

[Monoriu]

So, did the government ever find out about the amount of trash inside the home?

Yes.  They can kiss their flat goodbye.  In HK, that's really harsh punishment.  People queue up for years to get public housing flats, especially the ones in the urban areas.  If you lose your flat, your options are to (i) take up crap temporary housing in a distant district (that means losing your job, because the transportation costs will mean that keeping your original job is pointless), (ii) the streets, or (iii) super expensive and coffin sized private rental housing.

But it isn't like it matters, because both the mother and son will go to jail anyway.

[Capetan Mihali]

(ii) the streets

Is there a lot of homelessness in Hong Kong? 

[Monoriu]

(ii) the streets

Is there a lot of homelessness in Hong Kong?

There is some.  Teenagers who run away from home.  The elderly.  Those who have to have jobs in the urban areas but can't afford to live there.  Drug-addicts.  The usual.