Dumb criminal stories

[grumbler]

OvB  is back? Cool.

Here, here!

[dps]

At least up here it becomes very difficult to prosecute someone for drunk driving if you don't catch them right at the scene.  How do you prove someone didn't drink after the accident?  You have to prove they were intoxicated at the time of the accident, not at the time of arrest by police.

Yeah, or in an incident like in OvB's story, instead of claiming that his car was stolen, he should have claimed that he was in the car with a friend, and the friend was driving at the time.  The police didn't find the friend?  To bad he got away, then.

[Barrister]

Here's a good one.

Two fellows approach a home one evening.  The ring on the doorbell, then try to open the doors and try jiggling the windows to try and find a way in.

They do not realize however that this is "earth hour", or whatever that hippy notion was where you are supposed to turn off all your lights for one hour.  The homeowners are home, in the dark, and call police.  The two are apprehended minutes later.

[dps]

So that's both a dumb criminal story and a dumb victim story.

[Barrister]

Overheard the following facts in court today on a guilty plea.

Fellow goes to a pawn shop with a tile cutter.  Guy at the pawn shop recognizes it as HIS OWN TILE CUTTER, complete with the dust from the tiles he was cutting the day before.

:palmslap:

[Razgovory]

Overheard the following facts in court today on a guilty plea.

Fellow goes to a pawn shop with a tile cutter.  Guy at the pawn shop recognizes it as HIS OWN TILE CUTTER, complete with the dust from the tiles he was cutting the day before.

:palmslap:

I suppose that happens in small towns.

If I was a criminal, I'd put my exploits on this thread.

[Barrister]

Overheard the following facts in court today on a guilty plea.

Fellow goes to a pawn shop with a tile cutter.  Guy at the pawn shop recognizes it as HIS OWN TILE CUTTER, complete with the dust from the tiles he was cutting the day before.

:palmslap:

I suppose that happens in small towns.

If I was a criminal, I'd put my exploits on this thread.

But it happened in Edmonton.  That's what makes it so dumb.  There are no end of pawn shops here - why would you pawn an item to the guy you stole it from?

[sbr]

Overheard the following facts in court today on a guilty plea.

Fellow goes to a pawn shop with a tile cutter.  Guy at the pawn shop recognizes it as HIS OWN TILE CUTTER, complete with the dust from the tiles he was cutting the day before.

:palmslap:

I suppose that happens in small towns.

If I was a criminal, I'd put my exploits on this thread.

But it happened in Edmonton.  That's what makes it so dumb.  There are no end of pawn shops here - why would you pawn an item to the guy you stole it from?

He must not play Morrowind.

[Razgovory]

But it happened in Edmonton.  That's what makes it so dumb.  There are no end of pawn shops here - why would you pawn an item to the guy you stole it from?

Ah, okay.

[Barrister]

This one is a dumb cop story.

Reading from his notes:

[Subject] had seemed reasonable, she was sober and was acting like a responsible mother, I had no idea of the chaos which was to develop in the next few minutes.

They're police notes, not a paperback thriller.

[HVC]

Dear penthouse?

[CountDeMoney]

This one is a dumb cop story.

Reading from his notes:

[Subject] had seemed reasonable, she was sober and was acting like a responsible mother, I had no idea of the chaos which was to develop in the next few minutes.

They're police notes, not a paperback thriller.

I made it a point to create a sustained, gripping statement of charges, full of flavor and flair.  Just for prick ASAs like you.

[Malthus]

This one is a dumb cop story.

Reading from his notes:

[Subject] had seemed reasonable, she was sober and was acting like a responsible mother, I had no idea of the chaos which was to develop in the next few minutes.

They're police notes, not a paperback thriller.

Reminds me of these reasons for judgment:

The Jeep was brought to a stop. Immediately, the respondent emerged from the driver's seat of the Jeep and approached the police car declaring: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fucked." As will be seen from our disposition of this appeal, that was a prophetic statement.

From Alberta Court of Appeal - 2012 May 4 - R. v. Pelech, 2012 ABCA 134 (CanLII)

[Scipio]

I relieved the suspect of the alleged marijuana.

I am so fucking tired of reading that sentence.  My personal favorite formulation was "I removed the alleged butcher knife from the victim's chest under the direction of the EMT."

[CountDeMoney]

The Jeep was brought to a stop. Immediately, the respondent emerged from the driver's seat of the Jeep and approached the police car declaring: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so fucked." As will be seen from our disposition of this appeal, that was a prophetic statement.

From Alberta Court of Appeal - 2012 May 4 - R. v. Pelech, 2012 ABCA 134 (CanLII)

Now see, that's what I'm talking about.  There's nothing that prohibits the criminal justice system from being fun, entertaining and allowing oneself to be be creative, full of life and verve.