NFL 2011 season

[derspiess]

Just now saw where the Dolphins signed undrafted Blue Hen Pat Devlin, aka Flacco II 

Hope they treat him better than Pat White 

[Sophie Scholl]

Nnamdi to the Eagles.   I'm thinking 6-10 tops for Oakland this year.  Ugh.  Secret Bengals fan now since Holmgren is ruining Cleveland and my boy Bruce Almighty is there?  That is unless Orton ends up somewhere good.  We shall see...

[Ed Anger]

  Secret Bengals fan now

WHAT THE FUCK. Welcome to the Mike Brown zone. Destination: Football Hell.

[Sophie Scholl]

  Secret Bengals fan now

WHAT THE FUCK. Welcome to the Mike Brown zone. Destination: Football Hell.

There was a question mark at the end.  We'll see.  A lot depends on if Gradkowski gets the starting gig.

[Ed Anger]

Abandon all hope.

[sbr]

Nnamdi to the Eagles.   I'm thinking 6-10 tops for Oakland this year.  Ugh.  Secret Bengals fan now since Holmgren is ruining Cleveland and my boy Bruce Almighty is there?  That is unless Orton ends up somewhere good.  We shall see...

I saw somewhere that Orton got a million+ roster bonus today which greatly decreases the chances he leaves the Broncos.

EDIT: http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/news?slug=nfp-20110729_ortons_bronco_bonus

[Ed Anger]

If Vince Young thought Titans fans were tough, wait until he gets in Philly. I hope they make the crybaby beak down.

[sbr]

First overall draft pick Cam Newton signed yesterday, a 4 year $22 million deal.  It is $56 million less than Bradford got last year, and "according to a source" is fully guaranteed; I can't think of another fully guaranteed NFL contract.  That will definitely set a precedent, at least for draft picks.

http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/6816915/top-pick-cam-newton-carolina-panthers-agree-four-year-22-million-deal-source-says

[Ed Anger]

McNabb gets his #5 from that weirdo punter:

http://www.vikings.com/media-vault/videos/Kluwe-McNabb-Agree-To-Terms-On-No-5/d276a4b4-fdee-47cb-8ea7-d3761ea53e3a

[Barrister]

Wait - what?

When did the Vikings get McNabb?  Was I sleeping?

[Barrister]

Ah - three days ago.  I was heading up to Mayo.

[Ed Anger]

Ah - three days ago.  I was heading up to Mayo.

That, and you have your head jammed so far up the Winnipeg Thrashers' ass, so you couldn't see.

[Barrister]

Ah - three days ago.  I was heading up to Mayo.

That, and you have your head jammed so far up the Winnipeg Thrashers' ass, so you couldn't see.

All I can see is blue and silver.

[Alcibiades]

Brett Favre's waiting game

Brett Favre and I are standing in his long dirt driveway in Hattiesburg, Miss.

The sun is roasting my forehead like a rotisserie chicken.

"Yep, they'll be comin' purdy soon," Favre says.

The hot winds whip up the grit. It paints the back of my throat.

"How much longer, do you think?" I ask.

"Soon," Favre says, his neck craning down the long empty rural road that runs in front of his house. "They always come and get me 'bout this time of the year."

A tumbleweed stumbles by. Birds are so exhausted by the heat that they're walking.

"You think maybe they thought you meant it this time?" I say. "I mean -- about retiring?"

"Aw, hell, no," he says, spitting tobacco. "I say somethin' like that every year. I been sayin' that crap since '03. Nobody ever really believes it. Hell, one year I even held a press conference. Cried and everythin'. But my boys know the truth. My boys'll be along. They need me."

A single drop of sweat falls off my nose. I try to catch it on my tongue.

"Who, exactly, are we talking about?"

"My boys! My Viking teammates! Jared and Hutch and Longs! They'll probably do somethin' hilarious. Like come in a Hooters bus or somethin'. They'll beg me to come back and I'll finally laugh and give in. Then we'll chug a few brewskis on the way to the jet. It just waits there for us. Zygi don't mind. He wants me back."

I look back at the house. His dog is under the porch. His wife, Deanna, stands at the upstairs window. I look at her. She just shrugs.

"Um, Brett? Zygi just traded for Donovan McNabb."

"Sure, as my backup."

"Well, uh, actually, I don't think so, Brett. It's just that you're 41 now. I mean, you're a legend, for sure, but last season you looked a little slow. And you had eight more picks than touchdowns."

Favre looks at me for the first time since sunrise.

"Hey, I got every dang quarterbackin' record in NFL history. Most touchdowns, most completions, most straight starts--"

"Most interceptions, most sacks, most fumbles..." I add under my breath.

"--most yards, most wins. Nah, they'll be along."

Another hour goes by. The last helpless cloud gives up and vaporizes.

Finally, in the distance. We see something. It's a purple-and-gold van. After another couple of minutes, we can see that it's flying huge Vikings flags.

"I'll be damned," I say.

Brett grabs his bags and walks toward the road, but the van just honks as it speeds by, while the passengers flip us off. One hollers, "Thanks for nothin', Favre!" They leave us in a brown cloud.

I wipe my mouth and eyes on my sleeve. Brett is undaunted.

"It's gonna be great to see the boys," he says, spitting dirt.

Two more hours. A cow falls over sideways.

"Brett, I don't wanna be a buzzkill here, but the Vikings don't need a quarterback."

Favre takes his red bandanna out of the back pocket of his Wrangler jeans and dabs at his brow. "Then it'll be my boys from Green Bay. They'd send the damn Marines to get me back!"

"Well, actually, the Packers have Aaron Rodgers now. They just won the Super Bowl with him. And you may not be quite as popular in Green Bay as you once were."

Pause.

"Jets, then."

"Brett, you can't go anywhere near the Jets. Remember Jenn Sterger?"

"OK -- Philly."

"Philly's got Michael Vick!"

Favre gives me a hard stare."Somebody's comin'. It just takes 'em awhile to figure out that even though I say I don't wanna come back, I really just want people to want me back. I don't wanna have to ask, you know?"

We wait another hour. I look back at the upstairs window. The curtains are closed. The dog is gone. I pray for sunstroke. The first crease of doubt crosses Brett's face.

"I don't get this," Favre says. "I did everything like I do every year. I announced my retirement. I worked out with the local high school team. I told Ed Werder I was done. How many signs do I gotta give?"

Just then, in the distance, we see the wavy images of a car approaching. As it gets closer, we can see it's black. Finally, we see that it's a long black limo.

It pulls into the driveway. Brett grabs his bags. The driver hops out and gets the back door. Tiki Barber steps out.

"Mind if I wait around with you guys?" Barber asks.

He stands next to Favre and cranes his neck up that long road.

"When's L.A. gettin' a team again?" Favre asks.

"Two years, tops," Barber says.

I look at my watch.

The minute hand clicks backward.

http://espn.go.com/espn/story/_/id/6815415/rick-reilly-brett-favre-waiting-game

Not even an Onion article.   

[MadBurgerMaker]

Vonta Leach to the Ravens, so Ray Rice should be pretty happy with that. 3 years, $11 million for the human battering ram.  I also understand Kindle has been cleared to play, so that's awesome.

Houston signed JJ Watt, #11 pick, today.  4 years, $11.23 million.

Edit:  They also signed Brooks Reed, the #42 pick.  Don't know what the numbers are on that one, but I'm liking the rookie contracts so far.