Joke thread

[grumbler]

The Brain was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely Brain. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most attractive woman the Brain had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when he rescued her and he slowly
nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, he introduced her to their evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Brain started to get "those feelings" again. He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to he young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear:






"Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

[Caliga]

nice.  ;D

did you make that one up?

[grumbler]

nice.  ;D

did you make that one up?

Uhh, yeah.  Sure.  I certainly did.

Unless you can prove otherwise.

[grumbler]

Little Johnny was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living.  All the typical answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, soldier, captain of industry etc. But Little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.

"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with some of the men, rent a cheap hotel room and let them have sex with him."

The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took Little Johnny aside to ask him if that was really true.

"No" said Little Johnny, "He's Rich Rodriguez, but I was just too embarrassed to admit that to the other kids."

[Josquius]

I suppose you just swapped in 'The Brain' in exchange for Welshman/New Zealander/other sheep loving person.
But amusing anyway.

[Monoriu]

An obese man complained about his waistline to a group of people.

A woman gave him a long lecture on genes, DNA and whatnot.  The conclusion was that the man should accept himself more readily.

Man said, "Of course I accept myself.  Only problem is my pants don't."



Yes, the above was an actual conversation between me and my colleagues. 

[Martinus]

A young catholic priest, fresh out of the seminary, gets assigned to a new parish, replacing the old father O'Reilly, who just retired. On the first day, a Polish lawyer comes around to confess his sins.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I have committed the sin of sodomy."

The priest suddenly realizes that he does not remember what the ordained penance for sodomy is. So he tells the man "be right back" and gets out of the confessional booth and sees an altar boy tending to the altar.

"Hey there, lad." He beckons him over. "Do you know by any chance what father O'Reilly would give for the sin of sodomy?"

The altar boy blushes and says: "Sometimes a chocolate bar and sometimes 10 bucks, father."

[Valmy]

An obese man complained about his waistline to a group of people.

A woman gave him a long lecture on genes, DNA and whatnot.  The conclusion was that the man should accept himself more readily.

Man said, "Of course I accept myself.  Only problem is my pants don't."



Yes, the above was an actual conversation between me and my colleagues.

I have a cure: eat less and move more.