Hit them hard, hit them often

[viper37]

Who?  Zombies, of course!

  Science ponders 'zombie attack'

If zombies actually existed, an attack by them would lead to the collapse of civilisation unless dealt with quickly and aggressively.

That is the conclusion of a mathematical exercise carried out by researchers in Canada.
They say only frequent counter-attacks with increasing force would eradicate the fictional creatures.
The scientific paper is published in a book - Infectious Diseases Modelling Research Progress. In books, films, video games and folklore, zombies are undead creatures, able to turn the living into other zombies with a bite.
But there is a serious side to the work.
In some respects, a zombie "plague" resembles a lethal, rapidly spreading infection. The researchers say the exercise could help scientists model the spread of unfamiliar diseases through human populations.

In their study, the researchers from the University of Ottawa and Carleton University (also in Ottawa) posed a question: If there was to be a battle between zombies and the living, who would win?
Professor Robert Smith? (the question mark is part of his surname and not a typographical mistake) and colleagues wrote: "We model a zombie attack using biological assumptions based on popular zombie movies.
"We introduce a basic model for zombie infection and illustrate the outcome with numerical solutions."
On his university web page, the mathematics professor at Ottawa University says the question mark distinguishes him from Robert Smith, lead singer of rock band The Cure.
To give the living a fighting chance, the researchers chose "classic" slow-moving zombies as our opponents rather than the nimble, intelligent creatures portrayed in some recent films.
"While we are trying to be as broad as possible in modelling zombies - especially as there are many variables - we have decided not to consider these individuals," the researchers said.
Back for good?
Even so, their analysis revealed that a strategy of capturing or curing the zombies would only put off the inevitable.
In their scientific paper, the authors conclude that humanity's only hope is to "hit them [the undead] hard and hit them often".
They added: "It's imperative that zombies are dealt with quickly or else... we are all in a great deal of trouble."
According to the researchers, the key difference between the zombies and the spread of real infections is that "zombies can come back to life".
Professor Neil Ferguson, who is one of the UK government's chief advisors on controlling the spread of swine flu, said the study did have parallels with some infectious diseases.
"None of them actually cause large-scale death or disease, but certainly there are some fungal infections which are difficult to eradicate," said Professor Ferguson, from Imperial College London.
"There are some viral infections - simple diseases like chicken pox have survived in very small communities. If you get it when you are very young, the virus stays with you and can re-occur as shingles, triggering a new chicken pox epidemic."
Professor Smith? told BBC News: "When you try to model an unfamiliar disease, you try to find out what's happening, try to approximate it. You then refine it, go back and try again."
"We refined the model again and again to say... here's how you would tackle an unfamiliar disease."
Professor Ferguson joked: "The paper considers something that many of us have worried about - particularly in our younger days - of what would be a feasible way of tackling an outbreak of a rapidly spreading zombie infection.
"My understanding of zombie biology is that if you manage to decapitate a zombie then it's dead forever. So perhaps they are being a little over-pessimistic when they conclude that zombies might take over a city in three or four days," he said.

[Eddie Teach]

Professor Robert Smith? (the question mark is part of his surname and not a typographical mistake) <snip>
On his university web page, the mathematics professor at Ottawa University says the question mark distinguishes him from Robert Smith, lead singer of rock band The Cure.

Or he could just go by Bob.

The man is obviously a credit to the Ottawa faculty.

[Savonarola]

Barrister Boy told me that it is immoral to kill zombies; and by immoral he meant illegal in Canada.  You must change your laws before it is too late.   

[KRonn]

ZOMG!!   

[MadImmortalMan]

Barrister Boy told me that it is immoral to kill zombies; and by immoral he meant illegal in Canada.  You must change your laws before it is too late.   

[saskganesh]

how about the root cause of the zombie outbreak? or are we just dealing with symptoms and spread here?

[Siege]

how about the root cause of the zombie outbreak? or are we just dealing with symptoms and spread here?

Islam?

[DontSayBanana]

Islam?

My money's on Judaism.

[jimmy olsen]

I always thought slow zombies were an overrated threat, it would be bad, but it wouldn't destroy civilization.

[saskganesh]

how about the root cause of the zombie outbreak? or are we just dealing with symptoms and spread here?

Islam?

Islam has Jewish influence. you should know that. in any case, I agree, we should destroy monoriuthiesm.

[Josquius]

A zombie attack wouldn't get anywhere.
The only way for it to spread is through a highly visible disease passed through bodily fluids?- And the people with said disease are less agile than the average 100 year old?
It would require grave idiocy to be caught by a zombie. It would be stopped before it got anywhere in even one country.
The only way I can see a zombie apocalypse realistically working is if the zombie disease also works like a regular virilant flu or somesuch.

And Robert Smith??

WTF?
So you have to pronounce Robert Smith in a quizzacle way? What an idea....I wonder if I should add an exclamation mark to my name

[Darth Wagtaros]

When ObamaCare is passed zombies will be given more rights than living people. 

[Razgovory]

Why don't zombies eat each other?  Them seem to like biting human being and sometimes eat them.  Also do zombies still decompose?  If so their legs would purify in a few days and they wouldn't be able to walk.

[Razgovory]

When ObamaCare is passed zombies will be given more rights than living people.

Zombies will sit on death panels, mandate abortions, and give health insurance to immigrants.

[Darth Wagtaros]

When ObamaCare is passed zombies will be given more rights than living people.

Zombies will sit on death panels, mandate abortions, and give health insurance to immigrants.

Indeed.  The death panels to process the elderly adn genetetically unfit be the first step on the way to Zombie feeding stations, which will be supervised by liberals.