Blaseball

[Syt]

A bit time consuming for my tastes, but some people here might enjoy this.

https://www.blaseball.com/

Article:

https://unwinnable.com/2020/09/03/baseball-is-dead-long-live-blaseball/

Baseball is Dead, Long Live Blaseball

It has been a weird year for baseball. While pro leagues in Japan, South Korea and Japan have been playing safely since late spring, Major League Baseball didn't start its truncated 60-game 2020 campaign until July 23, after acrimonious negotiations around player pay and safety were settled enough to move forward. We've since been treated to games with virtual fans, multiple teams suffering COVID-19 outbreaks and the unsettling feeling that the season shouldn't be happening and could get shut down at any minute. In fact, by the time this piece is published, it may well have been canceled.

Whatever happens, at least we'll still be able to engage in the cultural activity of Blaseball.

Described as an "absurdist, player-driven, online baseball league," the browser-based simulator from The Game Band (who, apparently, may or may not remember creating it) skewers the sport with razor-sharp wit complemented by an ever-evolving social media-driven meta-narrative. Games take place as a series of play-by-play text updates, with players using fake currency to bet on the results and vote on what happens next. While the design is simple (without getting too far into the weeds, this primer covers everything you need to know), the more you dive into its alternate baseball universe, the more it reveals itself as an ingenious reflection of the bizarreness of real-world baseball.

Anyone who has played fantasy sports or follows baseball online will at least vaguely understand the Blaseball experience. Word about the game has spread thanks to an elaborate Twitter presence that spans an official league account (written by the league's commissioner, who insists they're doing a good job), along with accounts for each team, the #Blasistence (who think the commissioner is not doing a good job), a mock sports blog and at least one unofficial fan profile providing commentary. It has the feel of following fantasy sports online (and it does scratch that itch remarkably well) but with the absurdity sliders constantly cranked all the way up.

Blaseball never breaks character either, committing to the bit whether you're reading tweets about the game, getting email updates from the commissioner or visiting its Patreon page. The more people join the discourse on Twitter, the more it blurs the line between fiction and reality in a way that adds to the immersion. Topics of discussion run the gamut from news updates around the league, to reports of rogue umpires incinerating players (often followed with a sponsor call-out), to the commissioner calling for the day's league-wide siesta when all players are ordered to go to sleep.

If this all sounds weird, it's in part because baseball is weird even on its best day. This season in particular might be its weirdest on record too. So far, we've seen Minnesota Twins designated hitter Nelson Cruz's head pass through a virtual crowd on live TV. The Philly Phanatic, one of the game's most beloved mascots, has been forced to dance by himself. The Miami Marlins and St. Louis Cardinals both had multiple players test positive for COVID-19, in the latter's case allegedly after hitting up a casino (could have just bet on Blaseball, guys). An Oakland A's bench coach is under fire for issuing what looked like a Nazi salute during a game, claiming he was trying to do some kind of socially-distanced handshake.

Very normal stuff.

While weeks of social isolation have been hard on us all, teams seem to be taking out their frustrations in all manner of weird ways as well. For example, the Atlanta Braves organist played "Beat It" to taunt Toronto Blue Jays baserunner Reese McGuire, who was arrested earlier this year for public masturbation (no one needs to know the details). A bench-clearing "fight" broke out after Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Joe Kelly tried to hit several Houston Astros batters in retaliation for a sign-stealing scandal that tilted the 2017 World Series. The only reason this didn't result in punches getting thrown is because of an extremely contagious virus discouraging unnecessary contact.

Even under "normal" circumstances, baseball has always been weirdly accepting of grown-ass dudes acting in ways that would be socially unacceptable in any other sport (or basic social setting). Until recently, it was common practice for players to chew tobacco on the field. Babe Ruth, one of the best players in the history of the game, was famously unhealthy and rumored to have downed beer and hot dogs at a bar across the street from Chicago's Comisky Park between at-bats. In more recent history, the legend that Wade Boggs (a professional athlete) drank 107 beers in a day is based on some kernel of truth (and inspired an entire episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia).

In short, America's favorite past time is ripe for satire and Blaseball might be the first piece of media in history to satirize baseball better than baseball satirizes itself. When it says its players never tire, consider the fact that MLB teams ordinarily play 163-game seasons with few breaks between game days. When it mocks the commissioner's lack of regard for player safety, consider the fact that baseball is being played during a global pandemic that's not slowing down. Everything about it works precisely because it amplifies what's already weird about baseball to begin with, rather than mocking the sport from a place of detached condescension or being over-the-top for its own sake.

While the return of baseball has ironically brought sense of normalcy to 2020, Blaseball could not have arrived at a more perfect time to show us that baseball was never normal in the first place. If the MLB fails to finish its season this year due its own greed and incompetence, at least we'll still get to hang onto America's pastime in some form, even if the action is reduced to watching stats go up and down while following increasingly impenetrable Internet banter that's sometimes surprisingly difficult to distinguish between baseball fact and fiction. In fact, for something so absurd, it might actually be the most honest rendition of the sport we get this year.

There's a helpful wiki: https://blaseball.fandom.com/wiki/Blaseball,_The_Internet_Blaseball_League_Wiki

Season 2 began shortly after the decree called Open the Forbidden Book won the Season 1 election. As a result, the 'Book' tab on Blaseball.com became accessible, displaying the heavily redacted contents of the forbidden rulebook itself.

The decree also described further permanent changes, such as: the introduction of solar eclipses that replaced all weather conditions during Season 2; the "umpires' eyes turn[ing] white," which signaled the introduction of incinerations that could terminate any player during Blaseball games; the immediate incineration of Seattle Garages' star player, Jaylen Hotdogfingers; and a Hellmouth swallowing Moab, Utah, immediately converting the Moab Sunbeams into the Hellmouth Sunbeams.

Finally, amidst this chaos, Blaseball had been designated its first era, The Discipline Era: a constant reminder of the consequences of opening the very thing that was forbidden to open.

Following the Season 1 election, the following decree was in place for Season 2:

Open the Forbidden Book
The Book Opens.
Solar Eclipse.
Umpires' eyes turn white.
Star player Jaylen Hotdogfingers is incinerated.
Hellmouth swallows the Moab Desert.
THE DISCIPLINE ERA BEGINS





Season 3 of Internet League Blaseball began on August 3, 2020. The regular season concluded on August 7, followed by the postseason and the 3rd Internet Series on August 8. It is the second season of the Discipline Era.

Initially, Season 3 was titled the season of the Peanut Plague; however, upon the day of Blasphemy, it became the season of Uncertainty.

Season 3 concluded with the Hades Tigers defeating the New York Millennials to win their first Internet Series championship. The election results were followed by the Grand Siesta, an extended hiatus declared by Blaseball officials.

Peanut Plague
See the main article on Peanut Plague.

Peanut Plague is the first subtitle of the Discipline Era, appearing when the Season 2 decree, Peanuts, successfully passed. This period introduced several participation elements revolving around peanuts, such as peanuts as an item type, peanuts as a weather type, and peanuts as an allergic reaction. Due to the Peanut Fraud incident (below) extremely early in Season 3, the Peanut Plague only lasted for less than one day.

Peanut Fraud
See the main article on Peanut Fraud.

On Season 3 Day 2 (August 3), play was interrupted following the discovery of Peanut Fraud, in which at least one participant cheated to give themselves near-infinite peanuts and potentially causing extreme instability to Blaseball.com. Officials announced play would not resume until the peanut cheaters have "repented." Despite the fact that the offenders did not come forward, the umpires resumed play because "Blaseball is inevitable."[1] Umpire Husky was quoted as saying: "THE BLASEBALL GODS WILL REMEMBER THIS."[1]

Blasphemy
See the main article on Blasphemy.

On August 3, as Peanut Fraud offenses seemingly continued unbeknownst to most fans, Blaseball.com was replaced with a rotating image of a large peanut—the first appearance of an entity now known as The Peanut. This was accompanied by the word 'BLASPHEMY' in red, as well as an ominous hidden cipher representing recently-incinerated Blaseball players. This was seen as a final stand against the perpetrators of Peanut Fraud.

Uncertainty
Uncertainty is the second subtitle of The Discipline Era, appearing on August 3 as a direct response to the Peanut Fraud and Blasphemy incidents. The meaning of Uncertainty is uncertain. However, it seemed to reflect uncertainty from either Blaseball officials or the Blaseball Gods themselves as to the moral future of Blaseball. This period saw drastic changes to the peanut economy, as peanuts became only attainable at a price of 1 million coins.

Uncertainty ended with the Season 3 election results, when it was replaced with the period of Drought to indicate the extended siesta.

The Grand Unslam
See the main article on The Grand Unslam.

During a regular game between the Shoe Thieves and the Tacos on Day 73 (August 6), play was interrupted by a Bad Gateway event, prompting an official pause by umpires. Players were then visited by messages from The Peanut, similar to the Blasphemy event above, seemingly chastising players for their greed with new messages.

When games resumed three hours later, the standings reflected that the two teams had 75 total games played by the end of Day 74—one more game than the rest of the league. Fans began to dub the events surrounding the extra, unseen game as The Grand Unslam.

This event had tremendous consequences on the cosmos that were only apparent at the end of the season, such as Spacetime tearing Los Angeles into a single infinite cit(ies), and all now-Unlimited Tacos players experiencing Wyatt Masoning.

The Wyatt Masoning
See the main article on The Wyatt Masoning.

Though ostensibly part of the same phenomena as The Grand Unslam, The Wyatt Masoning refers to an anomaly at the end of Season 3 in which the entire roster of the Unlimited Tacos came to bear the same name: "Wyatt Mason."

Later, during the extended siesta that followed, the league attempted to repair the player's names with the help of fans on Twitter. The end results were mixed at best, with most players still retaining part of the name Wyatt Mason, and others gaining new errors altogether. Despite this, the official tweets remind that "the league bears no liability."





Season 4 began on August 24, 2020. The regular season concluded on August 28, followed by the postseason and 4th Internet Series on August 29. It is the 3rd season of The Discipline Era. Season 4 concluded with the Hades Tigers defeating the New York Millennials to win their second Internet Series championship.

Drought
Drought is the third subtitle of the Discipline Era, appearing after the Season 3 election when the league announced that an extended siesta will delay the start of Season 4. No games took place for two weeks so that the umpires and other league staff could have the opportunity to work on large-scale maintenance and to rest their tired flesh.

Despite the hiatus, The Commissioner still actively communicated with Blaseball fans on behalf of the league. This includes The Unmasoning, an event in which The Commissioner attempted to repair The Wyatt Masoning with the help of fans on Twitter.

Feedback
Feedback is the fourth subtitle of the Discipline Era, appearing the day prior to Season 4's opening games. This introduced the new weather condition, called feedback, that has a chance of swapping the allegiances of two players on opposing teams.

Blagonballs
Main article: Blagonballs
During the Extended Siesta preceding Season 4, residents of the Bloodhouse discovered a 5-Blood Blagonball, an artifact of unknown origin and power. On Day 23, Sandie Turner of the New York Millennials discovered the 3-Blood Blagonball during a game against the Charleston Shoe Thieves. Nothing else is currently known about the blagonballs.

The Waveback Event
Main article: The Waveback Event
On Day 88 (August 28), Blaseball game servers "experienced a significant loss of data" that forced the Umpires to roll back the state of the game world by approximately eight hours. As The Commissioner asked all fans to "do the wave," a number of repairs occurred behind the scenes, which resulted in most players gaining a large amount of coins and new Hawaii Fridays player Sixpack Dogwalker being granted the unique bat, Bangers & Smash.

Game 99
Main article: Season 4/Game 99
On the final day of the regular season, the Boston Flowers and Unlimited Tacos played a record-breaking 24-inning, 65 minute game that marked the first known instance of Spillover. Both teams played 21 scoreless innings en route to a 2-1 victory for the Flowers that enthralled fans across the league.

Round 2 Feedback
On Day 108 (August 29), during Round 2, Game 4, between the New York Millennials and the Chicago Firefighters, Feedback was detected in the top of the ninth inning, causing play to stop after Thomas Dracaena hit a ground out to Edric Tosser. When the feed had resumed, the game had already ended in a Millennials victory.