Malthus's Morbid Monuments

[Malthus]

Lately, I've been taking the opportunity summer affords to wander through some of Toronto's many graveyards - and, with my phone, I've taken a few pictures of some of the odder things I've seen. I'll post them here from time to time, because why not?

This one is from the graveyard nearest my house - it has only the one word on it (both front and back). Nothing else - no dates, no names, nothing. Odd family name? Just making some sort of Statement? I have no idea.

[The Brain]

Strange aeons?

[Malthus]

This is from London, actually. A truly odd mixture of styles, in picturesque decay.

[Malthus]

Strange aeons?

Exactly.

[Valmy]

I guess you have to do something with that burial plot you reserved after you discover the secret to eternal life.

[The Brain]

The death one is pretty cool. I take strange comfort from it.

[Malthus]

I guess you have to do something with that burial plot you reserved after you discover the secret to eternal life.

That would explain the victory symbolism in the frame ... 

[Malthus]

Another oddity - this sculpture is of what appears to be a weeping naked devil, doing a facepalm, crouching on a tall pillar in Mt. Pleasant Cemetery in Toronto. No names or dates on it, though there is a place framed already for an inscription - none has been added.

Again, what this is supposed to be about I have no clue.

[Valmy]

That was a fake grave to fool the devil.

[HVC]

baby grave devil playing peek-a-boo.

[Malthus]

One that actually caused me to mourn: my wife and I made a pilgrimage to see the grave of the priest who performed our marriage ceremony (and whom I had known a bit). Turns out it is - incredibly elaborate:



Lots of funny stories about this guy.

I first met him in my wife-to-be's bedroom.

I've undoubtedly told this story before, but in brief: I was sitting with her in her room minding my own business. Her parents were out.

Suddenly, the door to her room pops open and this elderly, bearded man jumps in, wearing an elaborate robe. He sees me and swings what looks like a miniature silver mace directly at my head. It doesn't hit me, but put of holes in the mace comes squirting a stream of water, which hits me right in the face. Smiling in satisfaction, but without saying a word, the guy departs the way he had come, closing the door behind him.

I was pretty surprised. And wet.

What this was, apparently, was a ceremony they do every year to bless the house with holy water - seeing me in her bedroom, naturally he couldn't resist.

[HVC]

so he wasn't trying to exorcise you of Jewish demons?

Growing up my family was friends with a priest. A well known when in the Portuguese community. He was well loved, and funny, and I have fond memories of  him (he baptized me with water he brought back from the river Jordon, probably wasted on a now atheist me ). He also had several mistresses that people knew of, or at least suspected, but no one really cared. Ah, the catholic church.

[Malthus]

so he wasn't trying to exorcise you of Jewish demons?

Growing up my family was friends with a priest. A well known when in the Portuguese community. He was well loved, and funny, and I have fond memories of  him (he baptized me with water he brought back from the river Jordon, probably wasted on a now atheist me ). He also had several mistresses that people knew of, or at least suspected, but no one really cared. Ah, the catholic church.

Nope, I think he just though it was funny. 'Look, She's in there with a boyfriend - I'll cool him off' sort of thing. 

It certainly counts as one of the more surprising moments of my life. Apparently this guy had a strict schedule of when he would show up to scatter water about.  Her parents had plans to go away that day, so they just told him where the key to the side door was and he let himself in. There I was, in a locked house, when this fellow comes in through the door of my GF's bedroom like a jack-in-the-box just as we were getting in the mood.  We had not heard him letting himself in.

Not being Catholic, I had never heard of this blessing ritual and the sudden appearance of a bearded priest in full regalia was startling to say the least; hitting me in the face with a water thingie was just a further oddity. The sudden appearance of aliens wouldn't have been any weirder.

Edit: the miniature mace thing that squirts water is called an "aspergillum". 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aspergillum

[Malthus]

Speaking of my in-laws and their religion, I drew a Christian icon for my mother-in-law for her 79th birthday present. She liked it!

[Valmy]

Making graven images Malthus? Tsk tsk.