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Attempted Raccoon Rape Goes Wrong

Started by jimmy olsen, June 27, 2009, 09:33:08 PM

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jimmy olsen

June 27, 2009, 09:33:08 PM
Remember Brain, no means no.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2172612.ece
QuoteToothy raccoon bit off manhood

By LEON WATSON

Published: 26 Jan 2009
rigTeaserImage
A FEISTY raccoon has bitten off a pervert's PENIS as he was trying to rape the animal.

Alexander Kirilov, 44, was on a drunken weekend with pals when he leapt on the terrified – but toothy – fur ball.

"When I saw the raccoon I thought I'd have some fun," he told stunned casualty surgeons in Moscow.

Now Russian plastic surgeons are trying to restore his mangled manhood.

"He's been told they can get things working again but they can't sew back on what the raccoon bit off," said a pal.

"That's gone forever so there isn't going to be much for them to work with."
It is far better for the truth to tear my flesh to pieces, then for my soul to wander through darkness in eternal damnation.

Jet: So what kind of woman is she? What's Julia like?
Faye: Ordinary. The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can't leave alone.
Jet: I see.
Faye: Like an angel from the underworld. Or a devil from Paradise.
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1 Karma Chameleon point

garbon

#1
June 27, 2009, 09:39:32 PM
Why are you posting a story from Jan 26th? Obviously this was already posted on Languish before. Tsk, tsk.
"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."
I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.

jimmy olsen

#2
June 27, 2009, 09:41:23 PM
Quote from: garbon on June 27, 2009, 09:39:32 PM
Why are you posting a story from Jan 26th? Obviously this was already posted on Languish before. Tsk, tsk.
I saw it posted on another forum so I assumed it was recent.

I don't remember it being posted here before.
It is far better for the truth to tear my flesh to pieces, then for my soul to wander through darkness in eternal damnation.

Jet: So what kind of woman is she? What's Julia like?
Faye: Ordinary. The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can't leave alone.
Jet: I see.
Faye: Like an angel from the underworld. Or a devil from Paradise.
--------------------------------------------
1 Karma Chameleon point

garbon

#3
June 27, 2009, 09:41:40 PM
Wrong on all counts. :(
"I've never been quite sure what the point of a eunuch is, if truth be told. It seems to me they're only men with the useful bits cut off."
I drank because I wanted to drown my sorrows, but now the damned things have learned to swim.

Lucidor

#4
June 28, 2009, 05:28:59 AM


I'd hit it.

Josquius

#5
June 28, 2009, 08:26:53 AM
...clearly he never had a hamster as a kid.
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jimmy olsen

#6
June 28, 2009, 08:28:35 AM
Quote from: Tyr on June 28, 2009, 08:26:53 AM
...clearly he never had a hamster as a kid.
:blink: :unsure:
It is far better for the truth to tear my flesh to pieces, then for my soul to wander through darkness in eternal damnation.

Jet: So what kind of woman is she? What's Julia like?
Faye: Ordinary. The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can't leave alone.
Jet: I see.
Faye: Like an angel from the underworld. Or a devil from Paradise.
--------------------------------------------
1 Karma Chameleon point

Jaron

#7
June 28, 2009, 02:56:18 PM
I can't imagine a situation in which Raccoon rape goes *right* :P
Winner of THE grumbler point.

Eddie Teach

#8
June 28, 2009, 03:04:33 PM
Quote from: Jaron on June 28, 2009, 02:56:18 PM
I can't imagine a situation in which Raccoon rape goes *right* :P

When the raccoon develops a bond with the rapists and convinces them to end the war?
To sleep, perchance to dream. But in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?

Martinus

#9
June 28, 2009, 03:06:48 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on June 28, 2009, 03:04:33 PM
Quote from: Jaron on June 28, 2009, 02:56:18 PM
I can't imagine a situation in which Raccoon rape goes *right* :P

When the raccoon develops a bond with the rapists and convinces them to end the war?

Ok that post made me laugh out loud. :D

Lucidor

#10
June 28, 2009, 03:06:55 PM
Quote from: jimmy olsen on June 28, 2009, 08:28:35 AM
Quote from: Tyr on June 28, 2009, 08:26:53 AM
...clearly he never had a hamster as a kid.
:blink: :unsure:
I'm going to have to second that :blink:

Josquius

#11
June 28, 2009, 03:28:00 PM
Quote from: jimmy olsen on June 28, 2009, 08:28:35 AM
Quote from: Tyr on June 28, 2009, 08:26:53 AM
...clearly he never had a hamster as a kid.
:blink: :unsure:
One of those lessons in growing up.
Every kid has put his finger through the bars of a hamster cage and had it bitten.
Finger scales up to penis, hamster scales up to raccoon and...voila.
██████
██████
██████

Eddie Teach

#12
June 28, 2009, 04:18:58 PM
Quote from: Tyr on June 28, 2009, 03:28:00 PM
Quote from: jimmy olsen on June 28, 2009, 08:28:35 AM
Quote from: Tyr on June 28, 2009, 08:26:53 AM
...clearly he never had a hamster as a kid.
:blink: :unsure:
One of those lessons in growing up.
Every kid has put his finger through the bars of a hamster cage and had it bitten.
Finger scales up to penis, hamster scales up to raccoon and...voila.

:lol: http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/celebrities/a/richard_gere_2.htm
To sleep, perchance to dream. But in that sleep of death, what dreams may come?

jimmy olsen

#13
June 28, 2009, 10:38:43 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on June 28, 2009, 04:18:58 PM
Quote from: Tyr on June 28, 2009, 03:28:00 PM
Quote from: jimmy olsen on June 28, 2009, 08:28:35 AM
Quote from: Tyr on June 28, 2009, 08:26:53 AM
...clearly he never had a hamster as a kid.
:blink: :unsure:
One of those lessons in growing up.
Every kid has put his finger through the bars of a hamster cage and had it bitten.
Finger scales up to penis, hamster scales up to raccoon and...voila.

:lol: http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/celebrities/a/richard_gere_2.htm
Exactly what I was thinking. :lol:
It is far better for the truth to tear my flesh to pieces, then for my soul to wander through darkness in eternal damnation.

Jet: So what kind of woman is she? What's Julia like?
Faye: Ordinary. The kind of beautiful, dangerous ordinary that you just can't leave alone.
Jet: I see.
Faye: Like an angel from the underworld. Or a devil from Paradise.
--------------------------------------------
1 Karma Chameleon point

sbr

#14
June 29, 2009, 12:24:51 AM
Quote from: Jaron on June 28, 2009, 02:56:18 PM
I can't imagine a situation in which Raccoon rape goes *right* :P
How did the most incredibly obvious point get missed for so long?   :lmfao:
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