Facebook Follies of Friends and Families

[crazy canuck]

Some cisgendered people will be insulted by the question.

I can live with that.

[Malthus]

Anyway, why would I be upset even if someone were to ask me if I was a woman. Do you think there is something wrong about being a woman?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8bTFdN57ZE

[derspiess]

Shaming with neon letters is the worst kind of shaming.

[Barrister]

Some cisgendered people will be insulted by the question.

There isn't much you can do if people are going to get upset at polite behavior.

Would you find it polite if someone asked if you were a woman? 

I think bbs default position(don't pry) is generally best.

In what world is 'what pronouns do you prefer?' = 'are you a woman?'

Anyway, why would I be upset even if someone were to ask me if I was a woman. Do you think there is something wrong about being a woman?

"Are you a woman" = "you look like you might be a woman".  Some men would in fact be offended by that, even though they would agree there is nothing wrong with being a woman.

You can say that they shouldn't be offended by such a question, but I think that's more of an ideological point of view.

That being said, to the question at hand... I don't think our ex-nanny would be offended at the question of "so, are you a man"?  So perhaps that's the better way to think of it.

[garbon]

"Are you a woman" = "you look like you might be a woman".  Some men would in fact be offended by that, even though they would agree there is nothing wrong with being a woman.

You can say that they shouldn't be offended by such a question, but I think that's more of an ideological point of view.

I think you are full of it. Any man who is upset about that, unless it was asked in a clearly mocking way, needs step up and own his damage.

Also, as I said, the question is 'what pronouns do you want to use' which is much more polite than 'what is your gender' or 'are you gender x'.

[crazy canuck]

Some cisgendered people will be insulted by the question.

There isn't much you can do if people are going to get upset at polite behavior.

Would you find it polite if someone asked if you were a woman? 

I think bbs default position(don't pry) is generally best.

In what world is 'what pronouns do you prefer?' = 'are you a woman?'

Anyway, why would I be upset even if someone were to ask me if I was a woman. Do you think there is something wrong about being a woman?

"Are you a woman" = "you look like you might be a woman".  Some men would in fact be offended by that, even though they would agree there is nothing wrong with being a woman.

You can say that they shouldn't be offended by such a question, but I think that's more of an ideological point of view.

That being said, to the question at hand... I don't think our ex-nanny would be offended at the question of "so, are you a man"?  So perhaps that's the better way to think of it.

You are missing the point, badly.  Asking "how would you like to be addressed" DOES NOT equal "are you a woman"

[Barrister]

I think you are full of it. Any man who is upset about that, unless it was asked in a clearly mocking way, needs step up and own his damage.

Also, as I said, the question is 'what pronouns do you want to use' which is much more polite than 'what is your gender' or 'are you gender x'.

And I think you need to get your head out of the clouds, or at least certain portions of the internet, and back into the real world.

Just because you think someone shouldn't be offended by a question, doesn't mean they won't, in the real world, be offended.

[Barrister]

You are missing the point, badly.  Asking "how would you like to be addressed" DOES NOT equal "are you a woman"

Well...

"What name would you like to be addressed by"... probably not.

But outside of gender studies classes, to an awful lot of people "what pronoun would you like to be addressed by" does equal "are you male or female".

You and garbon can take the point of view that if someone is offended by the question then that is on them.  That's your prerogative.  It's not one I share.

[crazy canuck]

You are missing the point, badly.  Asking "how would you like to be addressed" DOES NOT equal "are you a woman"

Well...

"What name would you like to be addressed by"... probably not.

But outside of gender studies classes, to an awful lot of people "what pronoun would you like to be addressed by" does equal "are you male or female".

You and garbon can take the point of view that if someone is offended by the question then that is on them.  That's your prerogative.  It's not one I share.

In context of what you know about that person, your concerns are entirely groundless.  This seems to be more about how uncomfortable you are than you discomfort you will cause them.

[Barrister]

You are missing the point, badly.  Asking "how would you like to be addressed" DOES NOT equal "are you a woman"

Well...

"What name would you like to be addressed by"... probably not.

But outside of gender studies classes, to an awful lot of people "what pronoun would you like to be addressed by" does equal "are you male or female".

You and garbon can take the point of view that if someone is offended by the question then that is on them.  That's your prerogative.  It's not one I share.

In context of what you know about that person, your concerns are entirely groundless.  This seems to be more about how uncomfortable you are than you discomfort you will cause them.

I already came to that conclusion on the last page - I seriously doubt my ex-nanny would be offended, so I probably will ask something of my ex-nanny when I see that person.  That doesn't mean there's a universal rule at play here.

[crazy canuck]

I already came to that conclusion on the last page - I seriously doubt my ex-nanny would be offended, so I probably will ask something of my ex-nanny when I see that person.  That doesn't mean there's a universal rule at play here.

Sure there is.  If you are in doubt, ask.  If you were to meet me on the street, it is probably not the question that immediately comes to mind.  But in other contexts, it might.

[garbon]

I think you are full of it. Any man who is upset about that, unless it was asked in a clearly mocking way, needs step up and own his damage.

Also, as I said, the question is 'what pronouns do you want to use' which is much more polite than 'what is your gender' or 'are you gender x'.

And I think you need to get your head out of the clouds, or at least certain portions of the internet, and back into the real world.

Just because you think someone shouldn't be offended by a question, doesn't mean they won't, in the real world, be offended.

There isn't much you can do if people are going to get upset at polite behavior.

[Eddie Teach]

It's not a polite question, generally speaking.

[Admiral Yi]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n6fgPX3NjyA

Work around.

[garbon]

It's not a polite question, generally speaking.

I don't think no one was suggesting that you should just go around asking it to everybody.