Great Stories of Laziness?

[Malthus]

I've got a real one.

I had a friend who was the laziest person alive when it came to cooking and cleaning. He lived more or less by himself in a farmhouse way out in the country. When I visited, I spent an inordinate amount of time cleaning his place to make it livable, and cooking - eventually, this pissed me off so much, that I would cook for myself and clean only what I wanted to use. No way I was eating the food he prepared.

There are many stories one could tell about his laziness. The most bizzare I think was this: one of his favorite food preps was to cook a huge amount of meat (say a whole chicken), and simply leave it out on the table - when he was hungry, he would carve off some and eat it, until it was gone or went too bad to eat (he was one of those who didn't get sick).

One day, we were sitting in his living room when a strange animal came up through a hole in the floor - it looked sort of like a furry snake with legs - this thing crawled up on the table to the meat-tray, grabbed a chicken leg, and dragged it back to its hole and dissapeared (the hole led to an unfinished basement filled with firewood). I was all "what the fuck was that?!" And he said, totally indifferent, 'oh, that's the minks. We have some living in the basement'.

This guy was so lazy, he had an infestation of scavenging minks living inside his house.  Apparently, he cared not at all that they were eating his food, or that they were collecting a rotting pile of bones somewhere in the basement. Nor did having minks scavenging his meat-tray convince him to throw the meat in the tray out, or put it out of their reach. He went to it and ate the other leg.

[Caliga]

Did he happen to be a pig farmer and did he live in BC?

[Malthus]

Did he happen to be a pig farmer and did he live in BC?

No. 

The only thing he farmed was pot.

Though the place definitely had a bad 'psycho killer' vibe to it - what with being generally run-down, and containing his collection of guns, bones (he liked to draw bones and was a considerable artist), and deadly chemical apparatus (he boiled up pot to make hash oil using nasty solvents). Plus, rotting stuff and minks.

This all sort of collected gradually, seemed to get worse and worse - eventually I could take no more and stopped visiting.

It was actually very sad, he had been a best buddy of mine in high school.

[Caliga]

You have a very interesting circle of friends, brah.

[Malthus]

You have a very interesting circle of friends, brah.

More like 'had' in this case - I haven't heard from him for years and years.

One of his buddies, I learned later, went on to make a whole career out of his tolerence for horrible filth. He hired himself out, with a small crew, as an extreme cleaner - someone who is called in to clean up after crimes or accidents, or (more commonly) after a hoarder has been evicted by the landlord. 

[OttoVonBismarck]

My 15 years in Federal government have been quite lazy.

[Eddie Teach]

God resting day 7 - ???

That's not completely fair, he did make time to drown nearly everybody in the world.