A Feudal Debacle (CKII)

[Jacob]

... wherein I play CKII for the first time; and possibly more times after that. Here we go.

I am Sigurd Snake-in-Eye. I am 27 years old and I am the King of Sjaelland. Some say I am merely a petty king. Hah! I will show such backbiters how petty I am should they dare face me.

I am a pagan as were my fathers before me and can take up to three concubines. It is easy to wage wars, but my vassals are rambunctious and prone to rebellion and other misadventures.  We will see about that. I will rule my women and my vassals alike with great kindness or cold steel as they themselves deserve it.

As an offensive pagan (offensive is right!) I can wage wars easily, loot nearby realms, sail the rivers, and carry out one prepared invasion in my life.

But first, let me introduce my family:

My queen, Blaeja, doesn't like me (-13), while I apparently hate her (-73). Perhaps it is because she is an Anglo-Saxon Catholic. Though as the daughter of the King of Northumbria, I assume the marriage was the result of an agreement, not an abduction. We have one son, Knud, who luckily doesn't hate me.

Still, an unwelcoming marriage bed is not good for a man. Let's investigate the concubine options... there is only one at court. Sif, named after Thor's wife, in spite of having brown hair. She is sixteen (ten years younger than my , she likes me (51), she is pagan, she is a competent schemer and diplomat. Sif will do. On January 1st, 867, Sif pops into my bed [first in-game action, pre-any unpausing].

I have three brothers, petty kings of Sudreyjar, Svidjod and Jorvik. They are all in their 40s, we all like each other and we are allies. I wonder how that will work out. I also have a younger half-brother.

Anyhow, young Knud needs a guardian... I spent 20 minutes trying to send him off to one of my brothers, but it appears the only option is to have him educated at home... so now I have to pick a courtier to educate my only son.

One upshot of my investigations is that I realize I could have secured a concubine from another court. It seems that each of my brothers have a 16 year old courtier as well at their courts. However, Sif has the best stats so I do not regret my choice; nor am I tempted to take another concubine just yet.

[Jacob]

Scene: SIGURD and SIF in bed, naked and relaxing.

SIF: Why "snake in the EYE" my lord? Seems to me you know of better places to put it...

SIGURD: ...

SIF: Why so glum, my lord? Are you not pleased?

SIGURD: I am very pleased, sweetling, but I'm thinking about my wife...

SIF: As was I, my lord. As was I.

SIGURD: ...why aren't we getting along?

SIF: Could it be that you are at war with her father and brother?

SIGURD: I am? Oh right. I am. Do you think that could be it? I mean, I don't even have any troops in Britain... true, my brothers have an army of seventeen thousand or so... do you really think that's it? Women can be so sensitive sometimes....

So there you have it. My brothers and I are at war with all the English, including my in-laws. I am contemplating two courses of action.

One, to gather my troops and head to England. With seventeen thousand allied soldiers rampaging around, it seems as if there ought to be opportunities to loot and gain land.

Two, to try to take and hold the three provinces of Jutland, and establish the Kingdom of Denmark.

... what say you?

[Jacob]

A quick overview:

Yours truly, Sigurd Snake-in-the-Eye:



My Steward - Styrbjorn - the newly appointed guardian of young Knud:



The realm. Jylland should be mine, as you can tell from the red colour:



The situation in England:



My In-laws are in Northumberland. My brothers in Jorvik with 17766 friends. We are also at war with Mercia, East Anglia, and Wessex.

[Zanza]

Definitely the best-positioned Viking to reform the Norse faith within his lifetime.

[Jacob]

And so, fresh from the bed of my concubine, I have made a number of decisions.

Styrbjorn is to be the guardian of my son. Styrbjorn is competent in military matters and administration, so hopefully some of that will pass on to young Knud. However, Styrbjorn is not just a glorified child minder; I send him to improve the efficiency of the tax system in Sjaelland. Being an ambitious ruler is not cheap, especially if your first ambition is to amass 500 gold (especially when your treasury has 66 gold, and you earn 3.13 a month).

Holmger, my Chancellor, is sent to Slesvig to spread dissent in preparation for the eventual invasion. Arni, my Marshal, is set to train troops in Sjaelland; I expect there will be fighting. Borkward, my spymaster, is sent to Luneburg to study technology. Last, and probably least, the second Styrbjorn on my council - my Seer - goes to work to research cultural technology.

I also raise my personal levies, fleet (25 ships) and army (1070), with a cost higher than my income. That 500 gold seems far away. I wonder if raiding is more profitable than conquest...

[Jacob]

Definitely the best-positioned Viking to reform the Norse faith within his lifetime.

How many centres do I need to control to do that? 3?

And I assume to do that I should aim to control Zeeland and Braunshweig, rather than get into it with my fellow Norse?

Other than controlling the holy sites, are there other requirements, like gold?

[Jacob]

Also... what are some good strategies for getting gold?

[PRC]

Also... what are some good strategies for getting gold?

Go a-pillaging!

[Caliga]

Rape the SHIT out of the Catholics.  You will be rolling in the dough.  Also, your vassals get mad if you don't pillage and fight wars pretty much constantly as a Norseman.

[crazy canuck]

Some say I am merely a petty king

And some dont even bother adding the word King. 

Will Snake in the Eye prove them wrong?

[Jacob]

Having gathered my personal retinue and ships, I set the course for Frisian lands with a quick stop in Bremen. It is a pleasure to see my ships fill up.

While I'm away, I'm informed that my Queen is plotting to kill one of my vassals. That's a bit of nonsense, and it appears I can throw her into prison with little consequence (except, perhaps, her feelings towards me)... I give the orders, and indeed she is displeased as she is thrown into prison (-71). I instruct the warden to make sure she is comfortable, she is my wife after all... no need for her to suffer while I weigh the various options - execution, exile, divorce.

The raids are going well enough as I work my way down the coast, hopping back into my ships whenever armies begin to form. Though when I cross the channel, an outbreak of disease kills a few too many of my men for my liking. Wash your hands, dammit!

After that, we hop across the Channel again to Rouen where we find and defeat a small Angevin army. My ships now hold 63 gold out of 250 possible, and 958 warriors remain out of the 1070 who set out with me.

Many small armies spring up around me. Should I keep raiding here? I elect to continue, since none of them seem to be coming for me, but rather they are headed up river to Paris. More armies are formed, apparently marshalling in Paris and Brugge. I am also mildly perturbed by reports that the petty king of Jylland has raised an army of more than 3000 men. I order the ships to keep close, just in case.

In international news, my ships report Frankish vassals fighting amongst themselves; I guess they weren't mustering to deal with us. My brothers are occupying a few counties belonging to my in-laws (for now) and other English rulers. There was also something about some Magyars settling somewhere, but they are far away. Maybe I'll raid them one day.

We spend Yuletime raiding in Sussex. It is very nice there, though I decide to return once my ships hold 100 gold.

A view of the fighing. My army is in Sussex, with my ships in the Strait of Dover:

[jimmy olsen]

It's a good start. Make sure to become a real king as soon as possible, else your heirs will be fucked by gavelkind.

[Jacob]

After Yuletide in the year the Christ-lovers call 870 I return home from my second viking journey. My holds are almost full, and I have achieved my ambition of amassing 500 gold.

Serious decisions await me.

I have declared my ambition to be King of Denmark. My plan was to conquer the one Danish county on Slavic hands, which would give me enough holdings to make the claim. Alas, Bacsecg, Petty King of Jylland, is moving to invade as I return home. And, it seems, I need some sort of reason to invade... I thought as a viking I could just go and take it. He will get there first.

This means that I will likely have to fight and defeat Bacsecg rather than offer him vassalage. What path do I take? When do I strike? Where? It seems he can field about 3-4000 soldiers; he brought more in a planned invasion of England where he established a strong realm.

Speaking of England, both of my brothers have established Kingdoms there. My father-in-law was imprisoned by my brother, and executed a little later. This brought my mother-in-law to my court. I'm considering divorcing Blaeja, freeing her and then taking both her and her mother to be my concubines... thought perhaps that is too twisted?

Or I could imprison my mother-in-law too, and sacrifice them both to the gods in a great blot. Still, that doesn't sit well with me... I'd rather sacrifice warriors, all told.

As for my brothers - Ivar has established a petty Kingdom in Lothian, Halfdan is petty King in Mercia, and Bjorn is moving to consolidate Svidjod into the Kingdom of Sweden.

It seems I have spent too long following my greed and raiding. The time to strike may have passed already, but strike I must. But how?

[jimmy olsen]

If you have 500+ gold then hire some mercenaries.

[Razgovory]

Hey Jake, what's your opinion so far?