Army commander bans sandwiches and acronyms in attack on 'barbaric habits'

[Brazen]

Humorous dig deliberately misinterpreted by the media or ignorant rant by Oxbridge posho?

Sandwiches have been banned from an officers' mess after a commander noticed many soldiers were eating them with their hands as he insisted "a gentleman or a lady uses a knife and fork."

Major General James Cowan issued the note after he noticed officers were eating sandwiches with their hands and failing to stand when commanders entered the room.

His three-page letter criticised standards at Bulford Camp in Wiltshire where he said he had seen many "frankly barbaric" techniques and habits displayed by soldiers and officers.

The note, addressed to 'Chaps', said: "Quite a few officers in the divisional mess seem to be under the impression that they can eat their food with their hands. The practice of serving rolls and sandwiches must stop," the Sun reported.

The letter penned by Maj Gen Cowan, who is in charge of 20,000 soldiers and 2,500 officers in 3 UK Division, mostly based at Bulford, also criticised poor grammar and writing, advising against the "wanton use of capitals, abbreviations and acronyms" because they can leave the reader exhausted.

His note gave a string of etiquette tips.

Maj Gen Cowan advises on the correct way to use a knife and fork, saying "holding either like a pen is unacceptable."

On the subject of marriage he is equally direct, advising officers never to sit next to their spouse at dinner or risk showing insecurity. He also clearly outlines that he expects a junior officer to "make an effort at conversation" with one of their superiors.

A spokesman for the Army insisted the three page note, where Maj Gen Cowan also suggested soldiers should stand up when commanders enter the room, was meant to be taken as fun.

They said: "This note was part of a light-hearted correspondence between a commander and his officers about an expected code of behaviour."

Maj Gen Cowan's six tips on etiquette:

* Sandwiches

"Quite a few officers in the divisional mess seem to be under the impression that they can eat their food with their hands. The practice of serving rolls and sandwiches in the mess is to stop. A gentleman or lady always uses a knife and fork."

* Dinner party

"A good party relies on good conversation. This requires you to come prepared to be free, funny and entertaining.Thank you letters are an art form not a chore. It is generally considered better manners if the spouse is the person who writes."

* Knife and fork

"The fork always goes in the left hand and the knife in the right. Holding either like a pen is unacceptable, as are stabbing techniques. The knife and fork should remain in the bottom third of the plate and never be laid down in the top half."

* Officers

"Ten years ago, officers would stand up when the commanding officer walked into the room. This doesn't happen any more. I expect a junior officer to make an effort at conversation. Start by introducing yourself and talk on any civilised subject outside work."

* Successful marriage

"I recently went to a Burns night, spoilt only by a curious decision to sit husbands next to wives. The secret of a successful marriage is never to sit next to your spouse at dinner, except when dining alone at home. It displays a marked degree of insecurity."

* Grammar

"In common with officialdom the world over, military writers love to use pompous words over simpler language. Combined with underlining and italics, the wanton use of capitals, abbreviations and acronyms assaults the eye and leaves the reader exhausted."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/defence/10677230/Army-commander-bans-sandwiches-in-attack-on-barbaric-habits.html

[Monoriu]

* Successful marriage

"I recently went to a Burns night, spoilt only by a curious decision to sit husbands next to wives. The secret of a successful marriage is never to sit next to your spouse at dinner, except when dining alone at home. It displays a marked degree of insecurity."

Those aren't bad tips.  The sandwich one is a little harsh.  This is the one that I totally don't understand.  Husbands and wives aren't supposed to sit together?  Huh? 

[Brazen]

Husbands and wives aren't supposed to sit together?  Huh?

That's the correct etiquette for even non-military dinner parties. Husbands and wives talk to each other all the time; splitting them up encourages conversation.

[Monoriu]

Husbands and wives aren't supposed to sit together?  Huh?

That's the correct etiquette for even non-military dinner parties. Husbands and wives talk to each other all the time; splitting them up encourages conversation.

I didn't know that.  Not that I attend any dinner parties.  I'll probably be very nervous if I don't sit next to my wife huh. 

[Richard Hakluyt]

He's having a laugh I'd say, the sandwiches thing is OTT and, simply, incorrect.

[Grey Fox]

It must suck to be a gentleman officer in a cutthroat officer world.

[The Larch]

Maybe instead of next to each other he wants couples to sit in front of each other... 

[grumbler]

He's having a laugh I'd say, the sandwiches thing is OTT and, simply, incorrect.

Looks like a very dry sense of humor to me, as well.

[garbon]

Husbands and wives aren't supposed to sit together?  Huh?

That's the correct etiquette for even non-military dinner parties. Husbands and wives talk to each other all the time; splitting them up encourages conversation.

I didn't know that.  Not that I attend any dinner parties.  I'll probably be very nervous if I don't sit next to my wife huh. 

Well think about it - while it might make you less nervous, it seems like it would also be counterproductive to a dinner party. Why would you leave home and then spend all your time chatting with your wife?

[garbon]

Mono - the sexier bit in this article strikes me as odd but the first few paragraphs seem spot on.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/12/01/AR2009120104533.html

[Monoriu]

Well think about it - while it might make you less nervous, it seems like it would also be counterproductive to a dinner party. Why would you leave home and then spend all your time chatting with your wife?

It doesn't have to be all or nothing.  Even if my wife sits next to me, I can chat with her some times, and strangers other times. 

[garbon]

Well think about it - while it might make you less nervous, it seems like it would also be counterproductive to a dinner party. Why would you leave home and then spend all your time chatting with your wife?

It doesn't have to be all or nothing.  Even if my wife sits next to me, I can chat with her some times, and strangers other times. 

It doesn't have to be all or nothing but as my link noted, presence of spouse could curtail some of the latter.

Actually it is kind of similar to having a party in a restaurant with a large group of friends. Not really ideal if the core group of people who know each other sit together and then those with one-on-one connection with host sit around edges. Core group tends to chat more with one another simply because they all know each other and it is easier.

[Monoriu]

I guess you do have a point.  If my wife sits next to me, I'll just talk to her exclusively and try to avoid everybody else.  I think the best idea is to avoid dinner parties. 

[garbon]

[The Brain]

* Successful marriage

"I recently went to a Burns night, spoilt only by a curious decision to sit husbands next to wives. The secret of a successful marriage is never to sit next to your spouse at dinner, except when dining alone at home. It displays a marked degree of insecurity."

Those aren't bad tips.  The sandwich one is a little harsh.  This is the one that I totally don't understand.  Husbands and wives aren't supposed to sit together?  Huh?

Were you raised in a tiny, expensive, highly secure 25th floor barn?