How to prank your mailman

[MadImmortalMan]

I need some ideas. My mail(woman) is a total douche. She is constantly leaving messages about my trees and bushes blocking the sidewalk and mailbox even though the bushes are less than a foot tall and the trees do not obstruct the sidewalk at all. Lots of my neighbors have foliage way more impressive than mine. I have even gotten notes from the city and in one case a fine. It doesn't seem to matter how much we cut them down or whatever, it still happens. The ones I got about the bushes blocking the mailbox actually stopped, but only after I ripped the damn bush out of the ground entirely.

So what should I do? Now I'm getting notes about the tree even though we cut it back twice already and at no time was it even remotely encroaching on the sidewalk. I'm not chopping the tree down.

Maybe I should order a whole lot of something really heavy and have it shipped here USPS or stick a live rattlesnake or some fireworks in my mailbox. Why do these assholes even have a right to have an opinion about what's on my property anyway? I guess you have to go live in the middle of nowhere if you just want to keep to yourself and not bother anyone and expect not to be bothered in return.

Maybe there's something about my mail she doesn't like but I don't know what it would be.

[Razgovory]

Weird.  The mailman won't even make eye contact with me anymore.     I've never had them complain about the trees or bushes or sidewalk or anything.

[Eddie Teach]

Order some s&m fetish porn magazines.

[Tonitrus]

The mob needs photographic evidence of the obstruction in question, in order to decide. 

[merithyn]

The mob needs photographic evidence of the obstruction in question, in order to decide. 

And then you should order a dumbell set only to return it the next day.

[MadBurgerMaker]

And then you should order a dumbell set only to return it the next day.

Do this too much though and you end up with a ripped mailwoman.

[Josquius]

I guess you don't do christmas bonusses around your way?

[Grey Fox]

Move the mailbox.

[Razgovory]

Seems to me that pranking the mailman is a bad idea.  He does know where you live.

[11B4V]

Seems to me that pranking the mailman is a bad idea.  He does know where you live.

Not to mention they would probably find some obscure mail statute to slap you with.

[dps]

When we first moved in here, I was getting messages about the garbage can blocking the mailbox on trash day.  Which was true, but there wasn't anything I could do about it--that's where the garbagemen were putting it after they emptied it into the garbage truck, and the garbage truck runs after I leave for work.  After a couple months, the messages stopped--I guess the mailman figured out that it wasn't my doing.  If they hadn't, I was considering taking down the mailbox on the pole by the road, and putting up a porch-mounted box instead, so the mailman would have to get out his truck everyday instead of just once a week.

[PRC]

When you have a letter to send out do NOT put a stamp on it.  Instead put your desired destination address as the return address in the top left of the envelope and your own address as the destination address front and center on the envelope.  Return to sender, mail delivered.

[Savonarola]

A friend of mine lives in a community with a homeowners association.  One his neighbors was on the association and said they wanted to do something nice for the postman.  My friend deadpanned that they should get him ammo.  When asked what sort he kept it going by suggesting .44; that's what all postmen carry. 

No one told the rep that my friend was kidding, and she got the postman bullets.  The postman was delighted and wanted to know how she knew he had a .44.

So don't prank your mailman; MiM.  Someone is going to get hurt.   

[lustindarkness]

A friend of mine lives in a community with a homeowners association.  One his neighbors was on the association and said they wanted to do something nice for the postman.  My friend deadpanned that they should get him ammo.  When asked what sort he kept it going by suggesting .44; that's what all postmen carry. 

No one told the rep that my friend was kidding, and she got the postman bullets.  The postman was delighted and wanted to know how she knew he had a .44.

So don't prank your mailman; MiM.  Someone is going to get hurt.   

[mongers]

Seems to me that pranking the mailman is a bad idea.  He does know where you live.