[DF Succession] The Glorious, Bloody Chronicles of Mengkadol

[Fireblade]

The Chronicles of Mengkadol

In the year 74, during the Age of Myth, a small group of dwarves from the Mountainhome of Zon Rimtar, or"Languish, Bane of Easterners", elected the dwarf Fireblade to lead them. Lead them away from their cramped, constantly besieged home. Lead them away from the constant hunger and thirst they suffered from the dwindling booze supplies. And lead them.. to glory and riches.

As they loaded their wagon, the dwarves took several items with them. Three pickaxes. An axe to chop wood. Several chickens, a wheelbarrow, some dogs, and ropes. And, that all-important item for any self-respecting dwarvish civilization, a hammer and anvil. For the dwarves didn't just intend to build a giant motherfucking steel pyramid, to make the elves and goblins tremble in fear. They were also going to build giant motherfucking steel buttplugs, for this was a kinky lot. And the dwarves were all fags. For they, after all, came from Languish, and faggotry is rampant there. As they travelled, amid constant buggery stops, the dwarves tried to use things they found out in the woods for their assplay. But none of it was quite what they wanted. No, they needed the biting cold, yet oddly comforting bite of steel up their asses. This disappointment forced them to travel on..


Gay Dwarves pressing on to their new home

Eventually, the wagon broke down. They were somewhere in the western mountains. Despite the snow and ice, the mountain before them looked promising indeed. Initial prospecting revealed that coal and iron were in abundance under the mountain, which were two crucial ingredients for the fucked up, diabolical plan of the dwarves. For they not only wanted to shove giant hunks of steel up their own asses.. they wanted to be the first dwarves to forge a buttplug large enough to explore a dragon's gaping asshole!

ROSTER:

Fireblade: 74
sbr: 75

RULES:

This is your standard DF succession game, using the latest patch (34.10). Mineral abundance set to high, because fuck it, I want to build shit. I genned a shitload of megabeasts, titans, and stuff too. We're playing in a temperate biome, half mountain, half forest, in a savage good environment. You play from Spring of your year until the end of Winter, at which time you pass all relevant files to the next person. When you play, name one dwarf after yourself. Otherwise, have fun!

[Fireblade]

Spring 74

The wagon stopped at the edge of a forest, aside from a small mountain. The dwarves stopped shoving branches up their asses, and looked around. This looks like a quite promising spot, they all thought. "Look, right there! A vein of gold! Here, we will all surely grow rich and powerful!" Fireblade exclaimed. Hopping off the wagon, looked at the terrain a bit more closely.



The ground was covered in snow. Close by the wagon was a featherwood tree, which is a bit useless for hunting bolts but makes a really bitchin' bed. The sides of the mountain were composed of black sand, chert, and gypsum. All a bit useless, but the small outcroppings of gold, casseterite, bituminous coal, and gems poking out the weathered face of the mountain hinted at the vast riches to be plundered from the earth. Even if this doesn't turn into the gayest mountainhome in the entire world, thought Fireblade, this place will make me millions.. if we don't all die. With a shrug, Fireblade ordered his dwarves to work.



Fireblade was chosen to be expedition leader due to the fact that not only could be suck a fluffy wambler through a lead pipe, he was also an accomplished mechanic and negotiator.. which would be very useful when the first caravans arrive. The other members of his mobile orgy/group of founders are three miners, a woodcutter/carpenter, a mason, and a farmer. These dwarves are largely unremarkable, otherwise, except for the fact that they all get really weird (in a good way) when they get drunk. To that end, Fireblade brought along a larger than normal surplus of booze, so he could get that one miner to do that thing he does after he drinks a bit. After a few words, these big, burly, leather-clad dwarves set to work!

The miners were directed to carve out an entrance, while the woodcutter was told to start clearcutting all that fucking wood. The plan had several features useful to the future of the fortress. The first was a ninety degree bend, which would prevent invaders from having a straight shot into the interior. There were several places to place restraints on the floor, to leash guard dogs. And near the stairwell were several rooms, to initially house the mason, mechanic, and carpenter. Within a month, many trees were felled, and it was ready to begin digging down!



The next order of business was to lay out a plan to house the trade depot, storage rooms, and a farm, to take advantage of the farmable soil nearby. The second floor was laid out in a small square, with a trade depot and storage for trade items on the left, small workrooms in the middle, and bedrooms, a small dining hall, and other amenities on the right. Further to the right is a large area for growing food and butchering animals, of which Fireblade anticipated would be many.

Several months passed. The trade depot was built, the rooms were (mostly) furnished, and the first crops were planted. And then, summer was upon us!

[Fireblade]

Summer, 74

Godfuckingdammit.



How the fuck does a pigeon-looking motherfucker steal a motherfucking WHEELBARROW? Standing Order #1: Keas are to be exterminated. The carpenter has been ordered to begin constructing crossbows and bolts for that purpose. The plump helmets, who the fuck cares I'm growing more now, but a wheelbarrow? Christ.

Soon after fucking Big Bird stole our shit like Young Ice Cube, some migrants arrived. When the word was shouted from the woodcutter that migrants were coming, Fireblade initially began praying to Armok for La Migra to arrive before he realized that didn't speak Dwarfican, but Dwglish. Thank fuck.

Our migrants:

-Sodel Onshenkeskal, novice butcher, shearer, and presser. Or, as he would soon be known, "Mengeles of the Kea".
-Cattan Lorbamarel, fisherdwarf and dabbling wrestler. He would be doing some "wrestling", all right!
-Morul Engiglogem, another damn fisherdwarf, but a competent maceman. In the meantime, he'd be stonecrafting.
-Ushrir Medtobzuglar, dwarven child. He has been assigned to the dwarf Grallon's quarters.
-Udib Estuniden, another dwarven child. Grallon's lucky day!
-Mafol Othosshorast, another fucking dwarf child. Are you shitting me?

So, three semi-useful dwarves, and three utterly useless ones. Well, fine.

With the new labor, construction and other necessary tasks moved more smoothly. The carpenter Grallon was given a nice new room, and space was found for the younglings as well. A yak, water buffalo, and llama were butchered, and many great feasts were held to celebrate the progress of the fortress. But this wasn't enough for Fireblade.. he needed something to celebrate. Was he not worthy of a space of his home? It was time to expand.. he needed a place of his own, away from the plebs!



The dwarves were ordered to carve out an area. In it, Fireblade planned to build a tomb. And not just any tomb, but one worthy of a man of his statue. Sure, it wasn't a giant steel pyramid, but that would come in time. For now, he needed some insurance to give him peace of mind in an uncertain world. Before the year was up, Fireblade was determined to be memorialized in a proper manner. While he was drawing up plans for his magnificent tomb, Fireblade noticed Grallon was enjoying his new quarters..



And with that, summer is up, and autumn is here!

[Fireblade]

Autumn, 74

What was shaping up to be an uneventful autumn was shattered by a dastardly attack!



WITH FIRE AND BLOOD I WILL HAVE MY VENGEANCE WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS GIVE ME MY DRAGONS WITH FIRE AND BLOOD AND DRAGONS GIVE ME MY DRAGONS I WILL HAVE MY VENGEANCE!!!!1

The miners were instantly ordered to construct furnaces and a forge. Boys, we're goin' hunting.

While the miners were busily constructing the Mengkadol War Machine, several new immigrants arrived.

- Lokum Amnekestan, a skilled miner. Useful indeed!
- Sigun Oltaranil, a novice butcher/cook/dyer. Not as useful.
- Another fucking child. Oh Grallon..
- Atis Tangathavuz, a soaper.. and marksdwarf!
- Logem Nekutlimul, an animal trainer/marksdwarf.
- And another child..
- Fuck, ToadyOne needs to turn down the number of children in migrant waves.
- ARE YOU SHITTING ME.
- That makes 5 in this wave.

This may well be the shittiest migrant wave I've ever gotten. Well, one of the dwarves will be happy indeed! And getting new quarters, too! In the meantime, the liquor supplies are getting low, so it's high time to build a still. Soon, the still was built, the dwarven wine was flowing, and the crisis was averted. However..



My first moody dwarf! He claimed a mason's workshop, and claimed a piece of bituminous coal and a pile of yak bones. Uh, awesome. Meanwhile, the tomb was well under way..



Oh, fuck. I forgot to make the fort accessable to wagons.  Oh well, I don't know those niggers anyway. In the meantime, the artifact was built and I know just the place for it!



And with that, autumn is over, and winter was arrived in Winterfell Mengkadol.

[Fireblade]

Winter, 74

Winter has arrived, and with it, the merchants. After fixing my little oopsie, trading commenced with the merchants from the mountainhome. Offering my collection of random shit I managed to make over the year, I received a collection of random shit that I don't really need, but I guess my successor Jaron might find useful. For some reason, the mountainhome really, REALLY wants cut gems, so Jaron.. you know what to give them. It's probably some new style of gay sex they've invented there. Are they pedazzling their cocks? Shoving them up their asses? The representative gave a very coy smile in my bedchamber, during our "negotiations". Perhaps I shall never know..

Either way, nothing much of import happened over the winter. A golden well was constructed, our food stocks have never been in better shape, and the defenses of the fort are shaping up nicely. However, all these other projects detracted from my TRUE goal.. finishing my mausoleum! It was a race against time.. would it be finished in time? Spring is coming fast, and the snow is already beginning to melt. Fear begins to mount in Fireblade's mind.. am I destined to rot away in a pauper's grave?

Mere days before the arrival of spring, the chief mason came to me, his face red and wet from hard labor. The fear mounted. Does it look stupid? Is it finished? With a shudder, Fireblade opened the door........



"It's.. it's.. EVERYTHING I EVER DREAMED OF! HEIL HITLER!"

Spring is here! Jaron, it's all yours.

[The Brain]

Chop chop, Jaron.

[Fireblade]

I think he'll play his turn tonight after he gets off work

If he doesn't, well, we'll have to find someone else. Speaking of which, who is interested in taking a turn after Jaron?

[sbr]

I could give it a whirl, either before or after Jaron.  I am working tonight then off until Tuesday so the earliest I could take a turn is ~24 hours from now.

[Maximus]

I can probably take a turn. So far my schedule is pretty open, but that could (and hopefully will) change on a moments notice.

[Jaron]

I'm a bit preoccupied with things - sbr if you want to take the next turn, be my guest. I can go after you, or whenever.

[Fireblade]

Well, here's the save, whichever one of you wants to take it on next.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/fov8ga

I think I've left the fort in pretty decent shape. I haven't made any moves to seriously start pursuing one industry over another or anything like that, so whoever picks it up will be pretty free to pursue whichever strategy they desire. Iron is in abundance, along with coal and tetrahedite. Have fun!

[sbr]

I will go now then.  Hopefully tonight.

[MadImmortalMan]

My god, I hate keas. 

[Fireblade]

My god, I hate keas. 

Me too, fuck keas.

So I found this mod awhile back that adds 15 other hostile civilizations. Nagas, snakemen, war elephants, flying demons, and all sorts of crazy shit. You think goblin invasions are a threat? I was THANKFUL when goblins came. Some of these motherfuckers are nearly impossible to kill, even with full armor. Oh, and half of them have trap avoid. It's absolutely nuts. I played a couple of forts with it, the longest I lasted was building my fort on a map with a little peninsula with a fortified wall blocking everything off, and a metric fuckton of legendary archers behind it. The amount of blood, gore, and equipment on the other side got ridiculous after a few seasons. I think it fell when some flying archer things in steel armor came and murdered my army. Even the ones in max steel armor with a nice candy coating. Everyone inside my fort went berserk, preventing me from throwing the panic lever that put everything on lockdown. Oops.

I'm considering AARing a fort while playing that mod. It should be an entertaining read.

[The Brain]

Yeah, fuck keas.