Introducing New Friends to the Rest of Your Friends

[jamesww]

Talking down the boozer with a mate the other night the topic of introducing new people to your circle of friends came up.

I've never thought about this before, but basically whenever someone new enters my non-work life, they'll be introduced to my other friends, that's not to say that they'll eventually meet all of them, but that basically I don't keep friends away from other friends or groups of friends. Of course one does end up with different groupings of friends with varying levels of interactions between then, but in essence I take people at face value and by default they become part of a rather dysfunctional 'family' of friends.

So what do you do about your circles and groups of friends, how far do you trust new acquaintances ?

Am I and my mate, he has the same opinion, rather naive in this respect ?

A case in point, I have a long standing friend, who I've introduced to some of my friends, I don't think he's that interested in most as many are rather middle class. But a couple of instances recently have got me wondering, was it so wise to let him into my circle of friends, do I actually know him that well and what motivates him ?

The case in point is a while ago, he told me about how a friend of his gave him her motorbike, because she was going to Australia/New Zealand and starting a new life, for whatever reason it fell apart, I don't know if they even got there. But anyway, she got back to my friend to ask for the bike back as it was her only form of transport.

Now this is the bit I have a problem with, he told me that he told her, he'd already taken the bike to bits and sold those off as spares, so that he could keep the bike for himself. He was smiling as he told me this and seemed to think it was a crafty thing to do, this made me feel rather uncomfortable, but I'm not the confrontational type and the import of what he said has only really sunken in now. If he's willing to do that to a friend, what might he say or do in relation to me and my friends ?  Can I actually trust him ?

I may be doing him a great disservice, he's rather mad about motorbikes, and maybe greed got the better of him and he couldn't resist another one, perhaps its just a one off aberration on his part ? After all those sorts of 'economy with the truth' / lying is quite prized in some businesses.

However other little things have to got me thinking, can I afford to risk continuing to have him as a friend ?

What would you do in my situation ?

[Barrister]

new... friends...

[Martinus]

But... but... my "lawyers and homos" 32nd birthday party was a smashing success.

Seriously, it almost never works. Don't do it.

[Faeelin]

But... but... my "lawyers and homos" 32nd birthday party was a smashing success.

Seriously, it almost never works. Don't do it.

Depends on the groups, no? My gay D&D group gets along quite well with my straight geek friends.

[Gups]

If your confident in your taste and you don't have some secret like Marty, why shouldn't you introduce one set of mates to another. Thr trouble here is that you have a mate who is steals from his friends and therefore shouldn't be your mate. It's a different point altogether. Obviously if you decide to continue being friends with a thief you shouldn't introduce him to your other mates, much less vouch or him.

[Josquius]

I just take it as it comes and don't really think about it.

[Malthus]

If your confident in your taste and you don't have some secret like Marty, why shouldn't you introduce one set of mates to another. Thr trouble here is that you have a mate who is steals from his friends and therefore shouldn't be your mate. It's a different point altogether. Obviously if you decide to continue being friends with a thief you shouldn't introduce him to your other mates, much less vouch or him.

One possible problem is that, if these folks start interacting with each other, as the point of contact you may be caught inbetween - if one from one group starts dating another from the other, and they break up, they may exert pressure on you to choose between 'em, and hence between social circles (that's happened to me once in the distant past when I actually had lots of friends  )

[BuddhaRhubarb]

not really an issue I've ever encountered, as I paddle from peer group to peer group with the ease of a bee collecting honey.

[The Brain]

Don't mix.

[Eddie Teach]

friends...

[Slargos]

Depends on the history between you two. Do you know him well enough to trust him?

I think it sounds, from the way you describe it, that he's a pretty untrustworthy fellow and I probably wouldn't waste my time on him.

I have a friend back home in Podunkville that runs (or used to, anyway, it's been a while since we interacted on a regular basis) in pretty shady circles, and has been involved in a fair amount of illegal business. Still, he has never acted in a manner that gives me reason to mistrust him and since we more or less grew up together I feel I have a reasonable handle on him. If he did something like that, though... I don't know.. it's pretty fucking deceitful. You don't steal from your friends.

A'course, a gift is a gift.

[Norgy]

I introduced Slargos to an acquaintance once. It did not go well.

[Martinus]

If your confident in your taste and you don't have some secret like Marty, why shouldn't you introduce one set of mates to another. Thr trouble here is that you have a mate who is steals from his friends and therefore shouldn't be your mate. It's a different point altogether. Obviously if you decide to continue being friends with a thief you shouldn't introduce him to your other mates, much less vouch or him.

What secrets - both group simply wouldn't mix. One group set at one end of the room and stared at the other.

[Slargos]

I introduced Slargos to an acquaintance once. It did not go well.

I don't remember the occasion, so it can't have gone THAT badly.

Did I rag on him for being a communist fucktard?

[crazy canuck]

What secrets - both group simply wouldn't mix. One group set at one end of the room and stared at the other.

So you, as the host, lacked the social skills to get conversations rolling amongst your guests.  Didnt see that one coming at all.