Languish Universalis - AAR thread

[Slargos]

THIS IS THE AAR THREAD FOR LANGUISH UNIVERSALIS, PLEASE KEEP COMMENTARY IN THE GAME THREAD

[Slargos]

Ottoman Empire
A divine recounting of events
1399-1414

An uneventful decade-and-a-half with little need for mention of details, but since the chroniclers are paid by the page, here follows a brief history of the rather impoverished and weak Sultanate at the very edge of Civilization.

The war of savage conquest started by the Timurid empire and its cronies came to an abrupt halt when the Ottoman forces furtively advanced on mighty Karaman, marching in threadbare uniforms, bootsoles made of freshly cut poison ivey (the only material cheap enough for the strained economy) and lacking even the most basic of supplies. It is said that in the morning of the battle, Allah chose to show his divine favour of the Ottoman forces by lighting the still visible crescent of the moon on fire against the crimson morning sky. (Some would claim by freak natural occurrence though not for long, as men without heads cannot make such idle claims). In their decripit state, strengthened by the grace of Allah they managed to halt the savage hordes dead in their footsteps, and there was much blood spilled, and sheep sacrificed, and goats impregnated, and children taken from their mothers, and the daisies, and the willow bark, and on the second day there came as a great halo in the sky... (writing trails off and several dark red smudges dot the lower part of the page.)


What went down
1399-1414

The active part of the war of aggression initiated by the Timurid invaders lasted between 1399 and 1402. By exploiting the Timurids' war against Georgia and the Jalayarids, we managed to destroy several small armies in and around Anatolia, occupying Karaman, Ramazan and Dulkadir in the process. The increasing Timurid war exhaustion, together with pretender rebels ensured that the Timurid forces though numbering in the tens and tens of thousands or more specifically 20 regiments that were sent against our smaller but superiorly led forces were possible to defeat in detail after which no more real Timurid threats could be scouted. The death of the Sultan in a minor battle at the onset of the war was a setback that could've cost us dearly, yet thankfully the Brown Eminence proved supremely capable in destroying every threat sent his way. The war ended in 1406 with the acquisition of a CoT in Fars and neighbouring province Luristan. The Timurid empire crumbled from the aftermath of this war and spawned several upstart nations bent on the destruction of the brave Ottoman Empire, but their time shall come.

Smaller skrimishes were fought against the Wallachian dogs in 1402, and their so called "Crusade" ended in less than a year with the annexation of Oltenia and Morea to the glorious Ottoman Empire.

Warfare and skirmishes against envious and greedy neighbouring states was more or less a constant during the period, yet it was in 1410 that the crisis would peak, as the infidel dogs saw their opportunity to strike whilst the Ottoman Army was busy putting down the dogs of Trebizond and Georgia (Annexation of Trebizon, acquisition of most available Georgian property, thank you witless pigs) and almost as if by silent agreement, the Venetian and Hungarian hordes struck as one, Italian sell swords in the greek south, and drunken Hungarian cossacks in Bulgaria.

Again, through cunning, brilliance, bravery and a pinch of luck, the quick reaction of the Ottoman forces managed to drive out the wine swilling Italians and secure a separate peace with them (it is known that Italians can't fight for shit, and are backstabbing cowards to boot) in order to be able to focus the full fury of the Empire on the foully stinking Hungarian forces.

The war against the Hungarians - whom despite their foul temper, atrocious smell and vicious looks (or perhaps because of) proved to be able fighters - strained the resources of the Empire almost to the brink of defeat. After 4 years of savage fighting, however, the Hungarian army was finally annihilated and the combat phase of the Hungarian war could be declared officially over. What now remains is low level insurgencies and the ratification of a peace treaty, once the Hungarian king can be located (rumoured to be hiding in some wine cellar or other).

In the area of diplomacy, there is little to be said. Treaties were drawn up but not yet ratified as the full focus of the Sublime Porte was on defending and expanding the borders of the Empire. It appears that the Russians don't want our help, and that the Poles just won't listen to anything that isn't accompanied by vodka and borscht.

We have yet to make gainful contact with any of the major powers of Europe, and hopefully they will treat a minor, impoverished, weak nation on the fringe of Europe with the kindness and consideration one such should command.

----------------

For the cost of 6 points of inflation, a slightly tarnished reputation and currently 25 infamy, we have acquired a total of 11 new provinces, expanding the economy slightly but more importantly securing necessary manpower and as an added bonus getting most of our current holdings converted to the one true faith. In alles, an acceptable first session, though not strictly according to plan, especially the case of the massive annoyance of having a Mameluke army cockblocking my attempts to take Thrace the entire session, which should hopefully be sorted in the start of the next one.


Addendum: After a brief look at the diplomatic situation of Europe, I can only conclude a certain amount of worry at the apparent Entente Cordiale that now includes Spain aswell as France and England. What can the Central European powers do to counter this, one wonders? Dangerous times are ahead, and who knows what kinds of horrors such manoeuvring may lead to.

[Kleves]

It was an interesting time in the West, as well as in the filthy, heathen East. The session began with tensions high among the major powers of the West, but ended with England, France, Spain, Portugal, and Austria all connected through alliances, like all films are with Kevin Bacon.

England began the session peacefully, with only occasional covetous glaces at our neighbors. Our main worry was that the French would attempt to take by force what had, by diplomacy, so far eluded them. We need not have worried. Shortly before the death of our illustrious, although incontinently incompetent king, Henry IV, negotiations were entered into with the French. No sooner had diplomats been exchanged than France found herself under attack by the warmongering Philippe II. In short order, Paris was overrun, and the French were crying for English assistance. The shock of seeing the French call for English intervention was too much for King Henry IV to bear, and he soon died sometime after his brain ceased to function. Thus the extraordinary circumstances in France directly lead to the death of an English king, for which we remain vengefully grateful.

Fortunately, Henry had sired a son of quality (although thus of suspicious paternity). Henry V took the throne in a time of great challenges for our fair land. The French still requested aid, as their forces were completely defeated in northern France. Henry offered military and financial aid, in exchange for French recognition of English claims to Calais and Picardy. The French agreed, and Henry set off to war.

The war began well, with our brave soldiers destroying substantial Burgundian forces in and around Flanders. With a force of only 13,000, Henry managed to defeat over 20,000 Burgundians, and capture Picardy for the English crown. Unfortunately, Philippe II soon lead the main Burgundian force of 25,000 against Henry. Seeing the overwhelming enemy forces, Henry advanced across the channel and back to England.

Meanwhile, the Scots had abandoned their humbled French overlords for the embrace of Burgundy. Thus they soon swarmed over the border and into England, like so many orcs (only with less culinary sense). Our forces quickly overcame our beskirted nemesis, and the Scots feel back across the border. With the addition of Henry's victorious forces from the continent, the Scots were subjugated, and ceded two provinces to England.

Thus our forces were freed to proceed back to the continent, where the French were on the verge of total collapse. The full might of the English army, more than 20,000 men, were landed in Calais. Local Burgundian forces were quickly disposed of, and Burgundy again switched the majority of its forces against Henry in the north. Philippe marched against Henry with a force of 35,000, setting the stage for the decisive battle of the war. For weeks English and Burgundian troops clashed in Flander's fields. Despite repeated charges from the entirety of the Burgundian military, English forces held the field for two weeks. Eventually, battered, bloodied, but unbroken, Henry decamped back to Calais and England. English losses were around 7,000, while the Burgundians lost no fewer than 20,000 men to Henry's genius.

With the nobility of Burgundy dead upon the field, their provinces in revolt, and a Grand Alliance of England, Spain, and France poised for final victory, only a miracle could save Burgundy. It was at this very moment that the French caved in to Burgundian demands, and fled from the field. With the reason for our intervention at an end, Henry graciously accepted the Burgundians plea for a white peace.

The next few years passed in peace. Nations rebuilt, and there was much rejoicing. No matter how welcome, however, one thing is certain: this peace cannot last...

[Tamas]

Let us get a clearer picture than English propaganda, shall we?

The two armies of France were massing on the border with Aragon, eagerly awaiting Castille to get freed from African commitments for a joint strike on that quite agressive power, using France's newly found claim on Rousillon. Aragon had made an alliance with Brittany and had France warned so it was clear they had us as target.

But it was Burgundy to strike first. Rushing the armies north, I decided to throw them in battle separately, rather than together, which proved to be a  bad decision: once the bigger of the two armies was defeated and recovering from low morale, Burgundian überstacks flooded my realm. Yet, I was determined to come out of the war as a net winner, seeing how even my allied vassals manage to take care of the army of Brittany. So, I secured English support in exchange of two of my claims, and when received, switched my focus away of the Burgundians I could not defeat at the moment, and toward Brittany, the weak link in the alliance against me. While my forces were marching accross France, Aragon decided to join in the fun, and later Auvergne, my former vassal did as well.

With the "mighty" Henry V being unable to handle the secondary front of the Burgundian war, my income slowly faded away, especially after southern Burgundy was taken back from my control. The loss of Paris sealed my financial fate, and altough I managed to vassalize Brittany, the armies of Burgundy, Aragon, Portugal, and Auvergne was too much to handle. SoI handed over Champagne and cancelled my vassalization of Brittany, removing Burgundy from the anti-French coalition, and started my slow recovery.

Auvergne was punished, re-vassalized and its former capital taken, then I took Rousillon from Aragon as well.

[Solmyr]

The world in 1442: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v186/Solmyr/EU3_MAP_mp_1442117_1.png

[Solmyr]

The next few decades were a decisive time for the Habsburg monarchy. With the Turks knocking on the gates of Budapest, it was imperative that Emperor Albrecht V establish a bulwark to defend all western Christendom from the Mahometans. Despite this most holy mission, Pope Martinus continued his recalcitrance and expansion in Italy. The Emperor quickly crushed the Papal upstart, discovering evidence that the Pope was involved in sodomy and other sins. Romagna and Ancona were freed from Papal domination and the Emperor established an alliance with Milan to ensure that Imperial interests in Italy were maintained.

In the meantime, the Turks had crushed Hungary and subjugated Transylvania and Croatia. Unable to bear the thought of his Christian brothers suffering under the Sultan's yoke, Emperor Albrecht V declared a holy crusade against the Turks. God was surely with him, for victorious Imperial armies quickly overran Croatia, liberating it from Mahometan occupation. The grateful Croats petitioned to join the Empire under the enlightened guidance of the Habsburgs.

Unfortunately, the new Pope proved to be just as treacherous as his predecessor, and placed the Emperor under excommunication. Naturally, no true Christians were fooled by this obvious politically-motivated proclamation, and the Emperor continued his enlightened rule unmolested. Upon his death he was succeeded by his son Franz I. Franz, though short-lived, ensured that no internal discord would harm the Holy Roman Empire via a victorious war against Bohemia, which saw the Czech king humbled and most of his lands falling to the rightful rule of the Habsburgs. Later, a series of war with Burgundy saw the liberation of Imperial provinces of Liege and Hainaut, though France reaped most of the benefit, crushing Burgundy utterly. Regardless, the Electors desired the wise rule of the Habsburgs to continue and after Franz's death elected his brother, the young Ladislas, as the new Emperor. The Habsburg lands were again at peace as the regency council consolidated current territories.

[Slargos]

A relatively uneventful session as far as the Ottoman Empire is concerned. In fact, so uneventful and uninspiring that I can't even be arsed to write bad prose about it.

1414-1448 was spent mainly consolidating the empire, mopping up various one province minors (once I realized that I had a bunch of outstanding warrants on their arrest pissing about unexploited. I really didn't realize what the impact of infamy was, or how to best exploit the new CB system.) and acquiring whatever free provinces I could. Infamy dropped from a 39 high to a 14 low, due to a few events and the savage butt rape served by Austria after the Ottoman annexation of Croatia and the Austrian gold province previously owned by the hungarians.

Yes, yes, I probably should've known the outcome of going against the deal I made with Austria about the partition of Hungary, but I decided I would have to try it and see what he would do. Now I have seen, and I am properly cowed.

Austria has a huge army. It's fucking massive. At 83 regiments (out of a limit of about 140) it makes me so fucking scared, I almost shat myself during the game. The piddly fucking ottoman army is so deeply in the shit when it comes to standing up to the germans, even the fact that my military tradition dwarfs his impotent joke of an officer corps doesn't turn me from dispair and wondering whether it's better to just quit right away rather than to suffer the indignity of having to orally service the Austrians at every fucking turn.

The Ottoman Empire is weak.

Make no mistake, there is no denying it: Inflation is soaring, non core cots is making trade pointless, tech speed is that of a differently abled turtle, and to cap it all off, manpower is only slightly higher than that of Milan.

Yet the Ottomans soldier on.

On the good side, we are well on our way towards westernization. Another few DP clicks and Latin is in reach. Whether this is a good thing or not I'm not actually really sure, since it seems early eastern units are better than early western so I may decide to hold on westernization on that account.

On the subject of diplomacy, Spain chose to guarantee the safety of the Ottoman Empire for some reason or other, while a defensive pact was signed with Muscovy. What can Muscovy do for the Ottoman Empire, you may ask? Nothing. The answer is absofuckinglutely nothing. But maybe there is a dastardly plan?

There is no dastardly plan.

Meanwhile, the HRE is consolidating, growing more powerful by the day and making everyone wonder: When will he stop annexing those poor HRE minors? Of course, everyone is content to just sit idly by while Solmyr grabs a choke hold on the game, and when David Carradine is discovered dead in a closet, it will be deemed a suicide and no one will stop to question why he's in the closet to begin with.

But all is not bleak, no.

Only most of it.

Income is increasing at a higher rate than inflation, and if I keep this up maybe I can match tech speed with the western nations some time next century.

10 provinces added this session means we are on about the same rate of expansion as last session, though it has all certainly come at gruesome cost and this session was of course a lot longer than the last one so one can only conclude that the apex of Ottoman expansion has already come and gone, and that the rotting husk that is left will be little more than a smelly nuisance to the marauding christian armies once they decide which way is left.

Frankly, it may simply be a sense of morbid curiosity that keeps me around the game.

All is lost,

Slargos, Steward of the festering realm of TURKEY.

[Habbaku]

Viva Espana!

Well, not yet, anyway.

This session saw Castilla steadily recovering from the good-hearted and successfully expansionist but ultimately economically unsound administration of Katmaios I.  Once the mercenaries were fired and the army brought back down to a manageable size, work began apace on ensuring that infrastructural work was spread through Land Reform in multiple provinces and temples built in most.

With the economy balanced and inflation starting to come under control (started at ~6, brought down to 4.5 by end of the session, I believe, thanks to a lucky level 5 Master of the Mint and a refusal to mint any further), Castilla's attention turned towards funding overseas expeditions.  Overseas mainly meaning the Canarias, Madeira and the Cape Verde islands, specifically.  Colonies were established at all three places starting in ~1439 and a proper administration set up on each to allow for future growth.

On the foreign policy side of things, the session was a bit strange, with Spain mostly helping fund the Austrian war effort against the Turks (and being later repaid in full), then brokering a sale of the provinces of Aquitaine--first purchasing them from England, then bargaining a deal with the French to get my hands off the provinces for a tidy sum.  Alas, other than the colonies, no expansion took place save for the colonies established in the Atlantic as our infamy was simply too high (~26 at the start) but that has come down substantially (~9 by the end) and should allow for great strides to be made in the near future.

[Alcibiades]

Gonna be hard to top that, so I wont even try.... not that I was going to attempt an aar any way.

The Russian domain is, well, poor.  We increased our provinces by a fair amount, neutering Novgorod in two wars, and punishing the Golden Horde effectively.  Infamy got quite high, which limited expansion when Lithuania was severely weakened and saved her from being crippled by our inaction.

An alliance was formed with the Ottomans, which is beneficial to us for the time being, but may possibly aid the Turk more in the future if it lasts.  An alliance was formed with the Poles, but they crumbled soon thereafter, as all poles are completely inept, which this forum has shown us.  Another beneficial alliance was formed with the Swedes, as well as sharing the same dynasty as us.  We hope for great things.

All in all, we have probably the largest territorial mass, but we are more poor than piddly Milan.  Also we are in a crappy tech group.... No plans to Westernize any time soon, if the chance even presents itself at all.


Signed,

[katmai]

What to say about Milan...

After realizing it was in our best interests we signed an Alliance with Austria who dominates the HRE. It was also decided to make a trade with Austrians who through wars with the Papacy had come into holdings on the Italian peninsula for lands that once belonged to our Swiss vassals.

Soon after another war that the Pope sought to get involved with the good people of Romagna  declared independence from the Papal states, only to be DoW'd by another former Papal territory Tuscany. As we had already guaranteed Romagna we intervened on their behalf, sadly their small kingdom fell before we had control of Tuscan capital. In the peace that followed we decided it was better to bring Romagna and their fine universities under our direct safety/control and vassalized Tuscany.

Other than that Milan worked toward better relations with all and sent Milanese traders through out Europe and Egypt. Invested heavily in Trade and production tech and fighting to keep inflation at reasonable levels.

[Tamas]

After the desperate fight for mere survival, France has recovered. Her economy  still feels the weight of the barely avoied bankrupcy during the Gangbang Wars, but France proper is mostly under the King's reign, altough still much work to be done there.

With the assistance of England and Austria, the back of Burgundy has been broken, in two wars they have been reduced to a single province, with Picardy going to England, some Dutch provinces to Austria, and most of it to France, including Antwerpen with its CoT.

Some good money was spent to bring Acquitaine back to the homeland, altough our Castillian ally failed to put the money to good use, they managed  to lose a war against Morocco of all countries.

However, with consodilation, our natural borders which once were far-off dreams are quickly becoming dangerous barriers. All other powers in Europe has plenty of space or rich provinces to expand into. Deals will have to be made to ensure they don't force the mighty French forces into desperate acts.

[Habbaku]

Some good money was spent to bring Acquitaine back to the homeland, altough our Castillian ally failed to put the money to good use, they managed  to lose a war against Morocco of all countries.

  French propaganda is funny.

[Solmyr]

Yes, yes, I probably should've known the outcome of going against the deal I made with Austria about the partition of Hungary, but I decided I would have to try it and see what he would do. Now I have seen, and I am properly cowed.

Austria has a huge army. It's fucking massive. At 83 regiments (out of a limit of about 140) it makes me so fucking scared, I almost shat myself during the game. The piddly fucking ottoman army is so deeply in the shit when it comes to standing up to the germans, even the fact that my military tradition dwarfs his impotent joke of an officer corps doesn't turn me from dispair and wondering whether it's better to just quit right away rather than to suffer the indignity of having to orally service the Austrians at every fucking turn.

This, of course, could have been entirely avoided had the Sultan stuck to our original deal and not decided to try his luck by screwing it (while having sky-high infamy and all regiments in Persia, for some reason). Then Croatia would have been an independent country instead of being owned by Austria. Naturally, the blond-haired, blue-eyed German lads could not stomach the idea of Turkish immigration into Europe and had to take action, although some reports indicate that the oral service was somewhat popular and it is now under consideration to import some "illegal Turkish immigrants" for further work.

All of this should naturally tell you that the Habsburgs are not at all dishonorable and prefer to be magnanimous to their friends and allies. We always prefer diplomacy and those who make treaties with us in good faith have nothing to fear from us.

[Tamas]

Austria has been a fair and loyal ally of France, and Emperor is considered a friend of French people.
However, the sheer power he commands strikes fear of a broken balance of power in Europe, therefore the rate of his future expansion will be closely monitored.

[Solmyr]

The world in 1471

AI Milan > Katmai Milan