Teen suicide

[Jaron]

"Homeowner shot after he pulled a gun on police."

[Barrister]

"Homeowner shot after he pulled a gun on police."

Berkie has nothing to worry about.  He's white.


DG - I did specify to call them first...

[DGuller]

DG - I did specify to call them first...

"Sir, thank you far calling us.  I appreciate your cooperation.  Can you please turn around and put your hands behind your back?"

[dps]

I am not even sure how to talk to them about it - and it seems like NOT talking to them about it might be the worst possible choice. I am sure it is being talked about in school.

Just straight up ask them, "Do you want to talk about what happened to X and Y?".

My guess is that, no they don't want to talk about it, at least not to you, but you'll have given them the opportunity to do so if they do want to.  And if either or both of them actually do want to talk to you about it, they'll say no to start with, but then come to you separately later.

Just don't make it seem like they have to talk to you, or are expected to talk to you, about it.

[Jaron]

"Homeowner shot after he pulled a gun on police."

Berkie has nothing to worry about.  He's white.


DG - I did specify to call them first...

I wish it were so.

http://www.idahostatesman.com/news/local/article43654638.html

[crazy canuck]

This is really kind of freaking me out. I don't think it is possible that either of my kids would do something like that...but I suspect that their parents probably thought the same thing.

Yeah, when I see the kinds of pressure kids have these days (from social media to all the doom and gloom speculation about their generation) it is a concern.  The best we can do is let them know how much we love them, let them know we will always be there for them and that if they need to talk we are always there - then hope they take us up on the offer if the need arises.

[dps]

let them know we will always be there for them and that if they need to talk we are always there

Well, actually, hopefully, they'll outlive you, so you won't always be there for them.  Though when something like this happens, it's probably not a good time to point that out to them.

[crazy canuck]

let them know we will always be there for them and that if they need to talk we are always there

Well, actually, hopefully, they'll outlive you, so you won't always be there for them.  Though when something like this happens, it's probably not a good time to point that out to them.

Hopefully I live at least long enough to see them through the teen years and early adulthood.  You know the thing this thread is about 

[Berkut]

I actually do have a (moderately) secured pistol in the house, that is actually technically illegal, since it isn't registered in New York. I've been meaning to get rid of it for some time, actually, but am not really sure how to do so.

If you are still in Rochester, NY, the city organizes from time to time anonymous buybacks. http://www.cityofrochester.gov/article.aspx?id=8589966918

A Wegmans gift card! That is worth more than face value!

[Berkut]

I am not even sure how to talk to them about it - and it seems like NOT talking to them about it might be the worst possible choice. I am sure it is being talked about in school.

Just straight up ask them, "Do you want to talk about what happened to X and Y?".

My guess is that, no they don't want to talk about it, at least not to you, but you'll have given them the opportunity to do so if they do want to.  And if either or both of them actually do want to talk to you about it, they'll say no to start with, but then come to you separately later.

Just don't make it seem like they have to talk to you, or are expected to talk to you, about it.

That sounds like some outstanding advice. Thanks.

It opens up the door without trying to shove them through it...

[lustindarkness]

I am not even sure how to talk to them about it - and it seems like NOT talking to them about it might be the worst possible choice. I am sure it is being talked about in school.

Just straight up ask them, "Do you want to talk about what happened to X and Y?".

My guess is that, no they don't want to talk about it, at least not to you, but you'll have given them the opportunity to do so if they do want to.  And if either or both of them actually do want to talk to you about it, they'll say no to start with, but then come to you separately later.

Just don't make it seem like they have to talk to you, or are expected to talk to you, about it.

That sounds like some outstanding advice. Thanks.

It opens up the door without trying to shove them through it...

Yeap good advice. Ask if they are not comfortable talking to you, ask if there a competent adult available they can talk to? Counselor coach, teacher, family etc.

[DGuller]

Yeap good advice. Ask if they are not comfortable talking to you, ask if there a competent adult available they can talk to? Counselor coach, teacher, family etc.

If my dad talked to me like that, I would be very creeped out.  Just keep in mind that there is probably 99%+ chance that Berkut's son has no suicidal thoughts to act on, and if Berkut start going touchy-feely on him, Berkut Jr. is going to start having all sorts of weird thoughts.  "Why is my dad talking funny to me, what did I do, what does it look like I'm doing or about to do?  "

[Razgovory]

Well, your dad is kinda crazy.

[dps]

Yeap good advice. Ask if they are not comfortable talking to you, ask if there a competent adult available they can talk to? Counselor coach, teacher, family etc.

If my dad talked to me like that, I would be very creeped out.  Just keep in mind that there is probably 99%+ chance that Berkut's son has no suicidal thoughts to act on, and if Berkut start going touchy-feely on him, Berkut Jr. is going to start having all sorts of weird thoughts.  "Why is my dad talking funny to me, what did I do, what does it look like I'm doing or about to do?  "

I'm not advising him to get all touchy-feely about it.  In fact, quite the opposite.  I'm just suggesting that he asks them if they want to talk about it, and if they do, fine, but if they don't (which they probably won't, IMO), he should just drop it and not make a big deal out of it.  Because you're right, making a big deal out of it and/or insisting that they have a discussion about it probably would creep them out.

[DGuller]

Well, your dad is kinda crazy.

That's not a nice thing to say to someone.