The Off Topic Topic

[Lettow77]

What do you suppose home is exactly? I can't just go back to Memphis and impose upon my Roommate's parents. They were gracious enough to let me stay with them over summer and winter breaks during college, but I don't have a home or loved ones to return to in Memphis. I have a ticket to Fukuoka in almost exactly a week- I can as well get a "home" and employment there as anywhere else. I am trying to do exactly that, but I worry a lot about failing. If I can't secure employment in Japan, I can't live there, and won't be able to realize my goals.

I desperately need to get employment, but I also fear employment. I never want to work as hard as my father did, and all that I love and value is associated with leisure.

edit: I completely agree about the stability, of course. If you look at the things I am looking forward to, that's what comes at the top- I want a warm home with tea, possibly a cat, and a monthly income. I am just not very confident about my capacity to secure it, and even when on the road to doing so, I feel worn down sometimes.

[CountDeMoney]

You had a cat and got rid of it when you entered your dog phase, and he failed you.

You are not allowed to have a cat.

[garbon]

I can as well get a "home" and employment there as anywhere else

Do you think it'll be easier to live in Japan than in the US?

[Lettow77]

 Seedy, you misremember things. I have always liked cats. My mother got a dog, who I was not very fond of. He failed me, and prevented me from getting a cat. I eventually gave little Nathan Bedford Forrest the jack russell terrier to a black family, and got a cat I was very fond of. We were close (although others hated her for her violent nature), but I went off to college and couldn't take her with me. She was a burden to my father, so I gave her to a farmer in Milan, Tennessee. When I moved to an off-campus apartment, a cat was part of the deal, but it was one of my two roommates' cat. Still, I did cat-watching on weekends when they left, and was quite fond of her.

Garbon: I know either would be hard to live in, and i'd much rather one than the other. I have no inertia that would lead to me lingering in Tennessee. Indeed, i'm not even there to linger- it's much further away than Japan is. I would rather fail to live in Japan than succeed in living in Tennessee. Besides, it doesn't look like that hard a life, for various reasons. I enjoy being in Japan.

[derspiess]

Don't ever change, Lettuce

[Caliga]

My mother got a dog, who I was not very fond of. He failed me, and prevented me from getting a cat.

I'm trying to remember... did you ever tell us why your dog failed you?

[garbon]

Garbon: I know either would be hard to live in, and i'd much rather one than the other. I have no inertia that would lead to me lingering in Tennessee. Indeed, i'm not even there to linger- it's much further away than Japan is. I would rather fail to live in Japan than succeed in living in Tennessee. Besides, it doesn't look like that hard a life, for various reasons. I enjoy being in Japan.

TN isn't the only part of the US. Additionally, I'm not sure if someone lacking long-term friends (and clearly wants some human connection of the sort) would be best moving Japan...but I don't know and that's why I asked.

[Lettow77]

 I did not, no, but there were reasons. Like his namesake, his irrepressible, irascible spirit did little to endear him to his superiors, and he was unable to behave in a composed manner. He was capable of great, enormous leaps, and if set at liberty my some mischance would bolt heedless of any hazards and endanger his master. He invariably would try to pick a fight with larger dogs he found once outside, and I managed to sustain some injury trying to extricate him from one of his bad decisions. Then he got parvo, and looked certain to die; it was fearful stuff watching over him. His animated nature was entirely gone, replaced with a more morose and reflective dog I would have appreciated more if it were not for the miserable circumstances. I steeled myself against his loss while tending to him as carefully as I could and seeing to his medication and comfort; He recovered fully, and unrepentantly resumed his unrestained lifestyle of leaping all over the house.

[Caliga]

I did not, no, but there were reasons. Like his namesake, his irrepressible, irascible spirit did little to endear him to his superiors, and he was unable to behave in a composed manner. He was capable of great, enormous leaps, and if set at liberty my some mischance would bolt heedless of any hazards and endanger his master. He invariably would try to pick a fight with larger dogs he found once outside, and I managed to sustain some injury trying to extricate him from one of his bad decisions. Then he got parvo, and looked certain to die; it was fearful stuff watching over him. His animated nature was entirely gone, replaced with a more morose and reflective dog I would have appreciated more if it were not for the miserable circumstances. I steeled myself against his loss while tending to him as carefully as I could and seeing to his medication and comfort; He recovered fully, and unrepentantly resumed his unrestained lifestyle of leaping all over the house.

So it sounds like what you're saying is.... he failed you by acting like a dog.

I liked reading your post btw.  It felt like I was reading something written in the 1890s.

[lustindarkness]

Lettuce, if you need to talk in a more personal way, PM someone. I hope you find a job and what you search for in Japan.

[Lettow77]

Mind, i'm not that depressed -at the moment-. I basically beat this course; Sydney, Australia is not any sort of place I like, and I lost a lot of weight, struggled with exhaustion and feelings of self-doubt and alienation, but I have done my assignments properly, and seem set to pass without incident. The international grab-bag of students I have been teaching are a delight, and they seem to enjoy me more than other teacher-trainees. Fukuoka will be a more comfortable, familiar place, where living is cheaper, safer, and I know much more what to expect. Things are looking up.

[Barrister]

The shame associated with climbing down from a ledge is more hateful than leaping off of it.

It really isn't.

[Lettow77]

 It could be that people are different, and feel the weight of public opinion, self-image and so on differently. It is absolutely not the case that nobody at any time has felt that they had to kill themselves to avoid shame. One of the nice things about Japan is that it has a well-developed sense of shame, accountability, and so on that is more relatable.

Still, the opinions of the peanut gallery are noted. If there's anyone on languish I value the opinion of, it's garbon and BB

[lustindarkness]

I like peanuts, but not the boiled ones found in lower Alabama.

[garbon]

I kinda want to try boiled peanuts now. What do they taste like?