Ok, so as you know I am not out to some people at work. Sometimes, when talking to such people, I want to refer to something he told me or someone he met or has done (not necessary in the sense of this being my boyfriend, just someone I know).
Assuming I would not want to come out to them there and then, how should I refer to him? Calling him a "friend" makes me feel like I'm a deceitful person (not to mention, calling him a "girlfriend"), but as Polish language is very gender-specific, there is really no option to call him a gender-neutral "significant other", the way you can in English.
everything you tell about yourself or your immediate environment is a weapon which can be used against you later. Learn to keep your mouth shut. :P
Here's an easy enough safety tip: don't talk about shit at work that isn't about fucking work.
Do your bit for gay lib and call him your boyfriend. Chances are if you're out to some people at work, more know you're gay than you think.
A lesbian I used to work used to talk about her partner Andy, and use male pronouns, then show photos of herself and her female "flatmate" but not this Andy. People who'd worked with her before had met her girlfriend, whose name was Angie...
One or the other Marty. If you're in the closet he's your friend. If he's your companion or your partner or your boyfriend you're not in the closet.
It's work, everybody's deceitful. Just don't call him your wife.
Call him your pedicurist :P
Do you talk about yourself as much at work as you do on here?
If so, chances are they ain't listening anyway.
Quote from: Gups on January 23, 2013, 09:23:24 AM
Do you talk about yourself as much at work as you do on here?
If so, chances are they ain't listening anyway.
:lol:
Quote from: Gups on January 23, 2013, 09:23:24 AM
Do you talk about yourself as much at work as you do on here?
If so, chances are they ain't listening anyway.
:pinch: :lmfao:
Quote from: Liep on January 23, 2013, 09:08:25 AM
It's work, everybody's deceitful. Just don't call him your wife.
One of my really good friends is a middle school teacher, and his husband is a high school teacher. They each refer to the other as their "wife" when talking to the kids. All of the kids, except the really naive ones, know that they're gay, but they play along because, well, they think it's hilarious.
It works for my friend, since his husband's name is Chris. For Chris, however, it's a little trickier, since my friend's name is David. :D
Quote from: CountDeMoney on January 23, 2013, 08:38:31 AM
Here's an easy enough safety tip: don't talk about shit at work that isn't about fucking work.
Wow you must have been a hoot to work with.
Quote from: Martinus on January 23, 2013, 09:28:45 AM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on January 23, 2013, 08:38:31 AM
Here's an easy enough safety tip: don't talk about shit at work that isn't about fucking work.
Wow you must have been a hoot to work with.
Work is boring enough, no need for co-workers to pile on.
And there was this one time when I was not fucking my boyfriend...
I am proud to say that I'm not entirely certain how many kids/grandkids my co-workers have, nor are they certain how many I have. :cool:
I do now know, however, who is married and who isn't due to a recent complaint by one co-worker about her husband, which resulted in a five-minute discussion of why it is that husbands can't seem to see the same messes that wives do. I wasn't involved, but as it happened one cubicle over, I heard the whole thing. It is the longest "chit-chat" session that has occurred in the six months I've been in this department. I :wub: my team.
Quote from: Martinus on January 23, 2013, 09:28:45 AM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on January 23, 2013, 08:38:31 AM
Here's an easy enough safety tip: don't talk about shit at work that isn't about fucking work.
Wow you must have been a hoot to work with.
Sports, movies, music, pop culture, that's all fine to chat about. But co-workers' personal lives, really don't give a fuck. I got my own problems.
Well, I am not really even talking about personal life details. It's more along the lines of someone at work saying that they know X, and it happens to be someone that my boyfriend also knows, and things like that.
Fuck y'all, I'm going to continue talking about my kids at work. :cool:
Quote from: Martinus on January 23, 2013, 09:28:45 AM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on January 23, 2013, 08:38:31 AM
Here's an easy enough safety tip: don't talk about shit at work that isn't about fucking work.
Wow you must have been a hoot to work with.
newsflash: non-friends aren't interested in what you are saying. They are just waiting for their turn to speak. It's like a ritual. An annoying one.
Quote from: Martinus on January 23, 2013, 10:13:56 AM
Well, I am not really even talking about personal life details. It's more along the lines of someone at work saying that they know X, and it happens to be someone that my boyfriend also knows, and things like that.
"well I heard from a friend"
Quote from: Tamas on January 23, 2013, 10:21:53 AM
Quote from: Martinus on January 23, 2013, 10:13:56 AM
Well, I am not really even talking about personal life details. It's more along the lines of someone at work saying that they know X, and it happens to be someone that my boyfriend also knows, and things like that.
"well I heard from a friend"
But I don't want to do so, as per my original post - referring to him as a friend makes me feel like a fraud.
Plus, Polish is again a bit different from English in this respect, in that we have two words that can be translated as a "friend" - one that means something along the lines of an "aquitance"/"colleague" (which is how I don't want to refer to my boyfriend) and the other which means "very close friend" and pretty much when used by a guy almost always refers to his same sex partner. :P
If you think not calling him your boyfriend is being fraudulent, then man the fuck up and call him your boyfriend.
Seems to me that Polish has a word for it then :cool:
Refer to him as your brother, that way people who know you're in a sexual relationship with him but don't know that you're an only child can be really squicked.
It sounds like you want to basically say that he's your boyfriend, while being subtle and cool about it so that if someone isn't paying attention they won't realize it. Unfortunately Polish doesn't support this option.
Quote from: Martinus on January 23, 2013, 08:25:10 AM
Assuming I would not want to come out to them there and then, how should I refer to him? Calling him a "friend" makes me feel like I'm a deceitful person (not to mention, calling him a "girlfriend"), but as Polish language is very gender-specific, there is really no option to call him a gender-neutral "significant other", the way you can in English.
Refer to as "Your other half". Why are you scared to come out?
English is much easier in this regard, as only some of your nouns (and none of your non-nouns) have masculine and feminine forms.
In Polish the sentence "my partner was" would use a different form of the word "my" "partner" and "was", depending on the gender of the partner.
Except that it is pretty much accepted here that if someone says their partner, they are talking about a same-sex one. That's actually why my mother doesn't use the term in reference to her boyfriend of 12 years.
Quote from: 11B4V on January 23, 2013, 11:43:23 AM
Quote from: Martinus on January 23, 2013, 08:25:10 AM
Assuming I would not want to come out to them there and then, how should I refer to him? Calling him a "friend" makes me feel like I'm a deceitful person (not to mention, calling him a "girlfriend"), but as Polish language is very gender-specific, there is really no option to call him a gender-neutral "significant other", the way you can in English.
Refer to as "Your other half". Why are you scared to come out?
Well, it's not really about being scared to come out as it is about not wanting to sour some of my office relationships, especially with certain guys, by making them uncomfortable - I have rather good relations with several guys at my work, but I am afraid they would become more reserved if
they knew I admitted expressly to them that I was gay (for example, my office mate who is younger than me and, admittedly, quite hot). It is also not that they are necessarily homophobic but noone is out to everyone at my work so I don't want to be the odd one out.
And obviously, it's not the case of "if they are uncomfortable with you being gay, you shouldn't be friends in the first place", as work relationships do not really work like that, as they are not entirely voluntary.
Edit: Fixed one line in my post to be more precise what I mean.
Quote from: garbon on January 23, 2013, 11:45:33 AM
Except that it is pretty much accepted here that if someone says their partner, they are talking about a same-sex one. That's actually why my mother doesn't use the term in reference to her boyfriend of 12 years.
Pretty much, but you can at least keep it formally neutral - in Polish this is impossible without being a word contortionist.
Quote from: garbon on January 23, 2013, 11:45:33 AM
Except that it is pretty much accepted here that if someone says their partner, they are talking about a same-sex one. That's actually why my mother doesn't use the term in reference to her boyfriend of 12 years.
I cannot tell you how many times I have had people refer to their 'partner' only to have it be a heterosexual relationship. But maybe that is just what people do in hippy Austin where they want to avoid gendered titles or whatever. 'A girlfriend?! HOW OPPRESSIVE!!111'
Never once heard a straight person refer to their fuck friend as a partner.
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 23, 2013, 11:58:59 AM
Never once heard a straight person refer to their fuck friend as a partner.
Yeah maybe it is just here. I get this all the time. I was recently at a funeral recently where the widow was even referred to as the man's 'partner for over 60 years' keep in mind they had been married most of this time.
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 23, 2013, 11:58:59 AM
Never once heard a straight person refer to their fuck friend as a partner.
Do they refer to them as a "fuck friend" then? :P
Quote from: Valmy on January 23, 2013, 11:57:35 AM
Quote from: garbon on January 23, 2013, 11:45:33 AM
Except that it is pretty much accepted here that if someone says their partner, they are talking about a same-sex one. That's actually why my mother doesn't use the term in reference to her boyfriend of 12 years.
I cannot tell you how many times I have had people refer to their 'partner' only to have it be a heterosexual relationship. But maybe that is just what people do in hippy Austin where they want to avoid gendered titles or whatever. 'A girlfriend?! HOW OPPRESSIVE!!111'
I'd say must just be Austin.
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 23, 2013, 11:58:59 AM
Never once heard a straight person refer to their fuck friend as a partner.
I do sometimes, but I think it sounds strange/like I'm a woofter. Wife is just factually inaccurate and girlfriend doesn't seem right for a relationship of nearly 20 years. "The missus" or "other half" is used more often
Quote from: Valmy on January 23, 2013, 11:57:35 AM
Quote from: garbon on January 23, 2013, 11:45:33 AM
Except that it is pretty much accepted here that if someone says their partner, they are talking about a same-sex one. That's actually why my mother doesn't use the term in reference to her boyfriend of 12 years.
I cannot tell you how many times I have had people refer to their 'partner' only to have it be a heterosexual relationship. But maybe that is just what people do in hippy Austin where they want to avoid gendered titles or whatever. 'A girlfriend?! HOW OPPRESSIVE!!111'
Same around here. Usually they're people in long-term, non-marital relationships, though I have occassionally heard married people refer to one another that way, too.
Quote from: Martinus on January 23, 2013, 12:03:30 PM
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 23, 2013, 11:58:59 AM
Never once heard a straight person refer to their fuck friend as a partner.
Do they refer to them as a "fuck friend" then? :P
Probably not at the funeral.
Introduce them as your Lover.
Use of the term "partner" can lead to lots of amusing misunderstandings among lawyers. :P
Quote from: sbr on January 23, 2013, 12:10:25 PM
Introduce them as your Lover.
Or Dave. Or "Wiktor". Or whatever the fuck the name is.
Let other people figure it out, or come to conclusions on their own.
"Wiktor", lol.
Quote from: Malthus on January 23, 2013, 12:12:00 PM
Use of the term "partner" can lead to lots of amusing misunderstandings among lawyers. :P
One of my partners (male) in my department thinks it is amusing to always introduce another partner (female) from the same department as "this is my partner, XYZ". Hilarity ensues.
Lawyers are easily amused I guess.
Quote from: Gups on January 23, 2013, 12:08:41 PM
girlfriend doesn't seem right for a relationship of nearly 20 years.
Girlfriend seems the lesser of two evils in that case. Partner just sounds so clunky and stilted.
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 23, 2013, 12:15:07 PM
Quote from: Gups on January 23, 2013, 12:08:41 PM
girlfriend doesn't seem right for a relationship of nearly 20 years.
Girlfriend seems the lesser of two evils in that case. Partner just sounds so clunky and stilted.
I like it. :)
Quote from: CountDeMoney on January 23, 2013, 12:12:56 PM
Quote from: sbr on January 23, 2013, 12:10:25 PM
Introduce them as your Lover.
Or Dave. Or "Wiktor". Or whatever the fuck the name is.
Let other people figure it out, or come to conclusions on their own.
Well, again, this is not about me introducing him to other people, but talking about him in a conversation. And there is nothing I hate more than people who refer to some third person (that the person are talking to has never met) with their name only.
As in, "Oh, Dawid told me today that XYZ." I always want to ask "Who the fuck is Dawid"
Quote from: Martinus on January 23, 2013, 12:15:48 PM
Well, again, this is not about me introducing him to other people, but talking about him in a conversation. And there is nothing I hate more than people who refer to some third person (that the person are talking to has never met) with their name only.
As in, "Oh, Dawid told me today that XYZ." I always want to ask "Who the fuck is Dawid"
That's the way to play it, though. If you don't want relationship bullshit part of the equation, use proper nouns only. Let them worry about who the fuck Dawid is.
lol, "Dawid". Hunting wabbits.
Quote from: Martinus on January 23, 2013, 12:13:30 PM
Quote from: Malthus on January 23, 2013, 12:12:00 PM
Use of the term "partner" can lead to lots of amusing misunderstandings among lawyers. :P
One of my partners (male) in my department thinks it is amusing to always introduce another partner (female) from the same department as "this is my partner, XYZ". Hilarity ensues.
Lawyers are easily amused I guess.
It's not really funny unless the misunderstanding is unintentional, though. ;)
Marti, do your officemates use the terms boyfriend and girlfriend when talking about them?
Quote from: Faeelin on January 23, 2013, 12:23:22 PM
Marti, do your officemates use the terms boyfriend and girlfriend when talking about them?
Yes. Or husband/wife. Sometimes they use first names but only when it is clear who they mean.
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 23, 2013, 09:04:40 AM
One or the other Marty. If you're in the closet he's your friend. If he's your companion or your partner or your boyfriend you're not in the closet.
This. Either stay in the closet and don't mention him (not recommended, but it's an option), or go full out and call him your boyfriend.
Quote from: merithyn on January 23, 2013, 12:15:33 PM
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 23, 2013, 12:15:07 PM
Quote from: Gups on January 23, 2013, 12:08:41 PM
girlfriend doesn't seem right for a relationship of nearly 20 years.
Girlfriend seems the lesser of two evils in that case. Partner just sounds so clunky and stilted.
I like it. :)
Partner sounds like someone you have a business, not personal, relationship with. Hence the little play on words by the one guy in Marti's department.
I must admit Marti that I'm a little confused. You seem to be seeking out a way of speaking about him that doesn't obscure the fact that you are dating a man but also doesn't reveal it. I don't think you can have both. Even if you had the option of using a word like partner, you'd still be deceptive - just not as deceptive as if you called him a friend.
Marty formulates everything he says like a lawyer.
Quote from: Solmyr on January 23, 2013, 01:30:56 PM
Marty formulates everything he says like a lawyer.
Everything except legal discussions.
Quote from: garbon on January 23, 2013, 12:36:11 PM
I must admit Marti that I'm a little confused. You seem to be seeking out a way of speaking about him that doesn't obscure the fact that you are dating a man but also doesn't reveal it.
It wouldn't be a Marty thread if he wasn't asking one thing and wanting us to validate something else. LOOK AT ME PLZ
Quote from: CountDeMoney on January 23, 2013, 02:05:13 PM
Quote from: garbon on January 23, 2013, 12:36:11 PM
I must admit Marti that I'm a little confused. You seem to be seeking out a way of speaking about him that doesn't obscure the fact that you are dating a man but also doesn't reveal it.
It wouldn't be a Marty thread if he wasn't asking one thing and wanting us to validate something else. LOOK AT ME PLZ
But what's the look at me here? I mean I don't think any of us were unaware that Marti wasn't completely out at work nor that he had a "boyfriend". So...:hmm:
Quote from: garbon on January 23, 2013, 02:09:47 PM
But what's the look at me here? I mean I don't think any of us were unaware that Marti wasn't completely out at work nor that he had a "boyfriend". So...:hmm:
He wants us to validate his urge to talk about his main toe squeeze.
Quote from: garbon on January 23, 2013, 02:09:47 PM
But what's the look at me here? I mean I don't think any of us were unaware that Marti wasn't completely out at work nor that he had a "boyfriend". So...:hmm:
Yeah but we weren't talking about it. Now we are. :lol:
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on January 23, 2013, 02:12:47 PM
Quote from: garbon on January 23, 2013, 02:09:47 PM
But what's the look at me here? I mean I don't think any of us were unaware that Marti wasn't completely out at work nor that he had a "boyfriend". So...:hmm:
Yeah but we weren't talking about it. Now we are. :lol:
Fair, I suppose.
Well, I started this thread because I was bored - it has really no purpose other than throwing some ideas at the wall that is Languish and seeing what sticks.
What a dick.
Impressed?
Quote from: CountDeMoney on January 23, 2013, 12:18:57 PM
Quote from: Martinus on January 23, 2013, 12:15:48 PM
Well, again, this is not about me introducing him to other people, but talking about him in a conversation. And there is nothing I hate more than people who refer to some third person (that the person are talking to has never met) with their name only.
As in, "Oh, Dawid told me today that XYZ." I always want to ask "Who the fuck is Dawid"
That's the way to play it, though. If you don't want relationship bullshit part of the equation, use proper nouns only. Let them worry about who the fuck Dawid is.
lol, "Dawid". Hunting wabbits.
This seems to be the best idea, because it's unlikely anyone is likely to really care what Marty is talking about anyway.
What is Rent Boy in Polish?
Quote from: CountDeMoney on January 23, 2013, 08:38:31 AM
Here's an easy enough safety tip: don't talk about shit at work that isn't about fucking work.
Yep,
And Marti, if you cannot overcome your nature and you must attention whore at work then at the very least dont tell the people at work how much you pay your boyfriend to be in the relationship with you. The people at your office will likely draw the same conclusions about you that we have.
Quote from: Solmyr on January 23, 2013, 01:30:56 PM
Marty formulates everything he says like a lawyer.
Since when? :huh:
Quote from: crazy canuck on January 24, 2013, 12:54:09 PM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on January 23, 2013, 08:38:31 AM
Here's an easy enough safety tip: don't talk about shit at work that isn't about fucking work.
Yep,
And Marti, if you cannot overcome your nature and you must attention whore at work then at the very least dont tell the people at work how much you pay your boyfriend to be in the relationship with you. The people at your office will likely draw the same conclusions about you that we have.
Go fuck yourself. The only time I would be interested to hear anything you got to say is a report that your wife or kid(s) have died.
So, what are you going to do Mart?
Quote from: Martinus on January 24, 2013, 01:00:20 PM
Quote from: crazy canuck on January 24, 2013, 12:54:09 PM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on January 23, 2013, 08:38:31 AM
Here's an easy enough safety tip: don't talk about shit at work that isn't about fucking work.
Yep,
And Marti, if you cannot overcome your nature and you must attention whore at work then at the very least dont tell the people at work how much you pay your boyfriend to be in the relationship with you. The people at your office will likely draw the same conclusions about you that we have.
Go fuck yourself. The only time I would be interested to hear anything you got to say is a report that your wife or kid(s) have died.
By the way I think Katmai's post just before mine was much better and more to the point.
Quote from: Martinus on January 24, 2013, 01:00:20 PM
Quote from: crazy canuck on January 24, 2013, 12:54:09 PM
Quote from: CountDeMoney on January 23, 2013, 08:38:31 AM
Here's an easy enough safety tip: don't talk about shit at work that isn't about fucking work.
Yep,
And Marti, if you cannot overcome your nature and you must attention whore at work then at the very least dont tell the people at work how much you pay your boyfriend to be in the relationship with you. The people at your office will likely draw the same conclusions about you that we have.
Go fuck yourself. The only time I would be interested to hear anything you got to say is a report that your wife or kid(s) have died.
:lol:
That showed him.
I don't know if Mart can give the evil eye over the internet. Quick CC, ward it off!
Quote from: Ed Anger on January 24, 2013, 01:18:29 PM
I don't know if Mart can give the evil eye over the internet. Quick CC, ward it off!
His occult powers are weak.
Interesting its so troublesome in Polish. Gay guys I know in similar situations tend to just speak of their partner.
The awesome thing to do would be to just non chalantly in the middle of a conversation go "...oh yeah, I heard that, my boyfriend told me....." and then enjoy the reaction.
Or you could just mention him as being a friend. Fuck being decietful. I never mention girls I know in that way to people who aren't in that part of my life (parents, work people, etc...)
Quote from: Valmy on January 23, 2013, 12:02:29 PM
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 23, 2013, 11:58:59 AM
Never once heard a straight person refer to their fuck friend as a partner.
Yeah maybe it is just here. I get this all the time. I was recently at a funeral recently where the widow was even referred to as the man's 'partner for over 60 years' keep in mind they had been married most of this time.
It's not common around here, but it is something I've seen when you're talking about a couple in a very long term relationship who have basically combined houses, to some degree finances, maybe even have a kid together etc. Basically people who for all purposes other than the paperwork are married, but for various reasons have not legally married. The one couple I can think of that both uses the term and actually explained themselves, the woman said calling her male SO her "boyfriend" made it seem like their relationship was less serious than it was, since they've lived together over 10 years and have a child together, but she even says that partner is a iffy word for this scenario and that really there isn't a "normal" term for two heterosexuals who have decided to be married-in-all-but-name.
I'd guess Austin, being the hippy hell hole it is, probably has a lot more people around than here that for various hippie liberal reasons have chosen to be in long term heterosexual unions without marrying, as some sort of atheist stick-it-to-the-man mentality or something.
Quote from: Tyr on January 25, 2013, 07:06:43 AM
I never mention girls I know in that way to people who aren't in that part of my life (parents, work people, etc...)
I just expect them to a keep my room for me without touching it...
Also, based on how you post it's patently obvious you're massively gay. I doubt a single person in your office is unaware of you perversion.
Quote from: OttoVonBismarck on January 25, 2013, 07:14:23 AM
Also, based on how you post it's patently obvious you're massively gay. I doubt a single person in your office is unaware of you perversion.
Wrong. My boss told me that before I was outed to her, she never even suspected I might be gay.
Quote from: OttoVonBismarck on January 25, 2013, 07:13:27 AM
Quote from: Valmy on January 23, 2013, 12:02:29 PM
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 23, 2013, 11:58:59 AM
Never once heard a straight person refer to their fuck friend as a partner.
Yeah maybe it is just here. I get this all the time. I was recently at a funeral recently where the widow was even referred to as the man's 'partner for over 60 years' keep in mind they had been married most of this time.
It's not common around here, but it is something I've seen when you're talking about a couple in a very long term relationship who have basically combined houses, to some degree finances, maybe even have a kid together etc. Basically people who for all purposes other than the paperwork are married, but for various reasons have not legally married. The one couple I can think of that both uses the term and actually explained themselves, the woman said calling her male SO her "boyfriend" made it seem like their relationship was less serious than it was, since they've lived together over 10 years and have a child together, but she even says that partner is a iffy word for this scenario and that really there isn't a "normal" term for two heterosexuals who have decided to be married-in-all-but-name.
I'd guess Austin, being the hippy hell hole it is, probably has a lot more people around than here that for various hippie liberal reasons have chosen to be in long term heterosexual unions without marrying, as some sort of atheist stick-it-to-the-man mentality or something.
My friend, who is a litigation lawyer, revels in introducing her boyfriend in a situation you describe (they have two kids together) as her "concubine"*, which is the police-report-style legal term for un unmarried "spouse".
*Not sure if in English this can only denote a woman or can also mean a man? In Polish we have the word "konkubina" to mean a female concubine and "konkubent" to mean a female concubine.
women only.
Yeah, the male equivalent would be man-whore.
Quote from: OttoVonBismarck on January 25, 2013, 07:13:27 AM
I'd guess Austin, being the hippy hell hole it is
:yeah:
It gives it character :P
Quoteprobably has a lot more people around than here that for various hippie liberal reasons have chosen to be in long term heterosexual unions without marrying, as some sort of atheist stick-it-to-the-man mentality or something.
Um ok they are Texas hippies not freaking California hippies. Sticking-it-to-the-man takes too much energy.
Quote from: garbon on January 25, 2013, 07:14:02 AM
Quote from: Tyr on January 25, 2013, 07:06:43 AM
I never mention girls I know in that way to people who aren't in that part of my life (parents, work people, etc...)
I just expect them to a keep my room for me without touching it...
:unsure:? :huh:
Quote from: Tyr on January 25, 2013, 08:29:03 AM
Quote from: garbon on January 25, 2013, 07:14:02 AM
Quote from: Tyr on January 25, 2013, 07:06:43 AM
I never mention girls I know in that way to people who aren't in that part of my life (parents, work people, etc...)
I just expect them to a keep my room for me without touching it...
:unsure:? :huh:
You're the one who whined about your mother doing stuff to "your room". Seems a bit odd then that they should keep a shrine to you but you wouldn't ever mention someone you're dating.
Like I've mentioned before, Tyr doesn't see himself has an adult yet. It's ever more apparent with that last comment.
I was being generous by saying odd. :)
Quote from: garbon on January 25, 2013, 08:42:51 AM
You're the one who whined about your mother doing stuff to "your room". Seems a bit odd then that they should keep a shrine to you but you wouldn't ever mention someone you're dating.
Its not a shrine to me. Its my room. Thats what it is. We dont have the culture of turning rooms into gyms and all that. My parents certainly have no such needs- indeed I offered them to move their computer into my room but they said no.
But....to come back to this thread rather than December....Yeah, I'm weird with relationships and my parents, was sort of still in the straight closet before (think they heavily suspected gayness at one point) but from comments she made over new year I think they have the opposite impression of me now. Which is amusing.
Still though, I won't be telling my parents about any girlfriends until its super serious. The cusp of moving in. Or it's already happened. Or realistically only if I get a girl pregnant. Even then I'd feel weird about it. Oh well.
And on the opposite end of that, my son and I just had a conversation about whether or not he's having sex with his girlfriend yet, if he's using protection, and to make sure that he gets a very clearly stated yes.
Quote from: merithyn on January 25, 2013, 09:31:26 AM
And on the opposite end of that, my son and I just had a conversation about whether or not he's having sex with his girlfriend yet, if he's using protection, and to make sure that he gets a very clearly stated yes.
Which one? I had no problems having these sorts of conversations with my parents once I was an adult. At that point my parents sort of became my partners in life rather than authority figures. But it sort of helps we live in the same town and generally get together once a week or so.
Quote from: Valmy on January 23, 2013, 12:02:29 PM
Yeah maybe it is just here. I get this all the time. I was recently at a funeral recently where the widow was even referred to as the man's 'partner for over 60 years' keep in mind they had been married most of this time.
I've heard it a few times. Mostly older people who aren't married. I think they feel girlfriend/boyfriend's a bit young sounding. But I always mistakenly assume they're gay.
Quote from: Valmy on January 25, 2013, 09:36:41 AM
Which one? I had no problems having these sorts of conversations with my parents once I was an adult. At that point my parents sort of became my partners in life rather than authority figures. But it sort of helps we live in the same town and generally get together once a week or so.
All of my boys are practically adults now. The conversation was with Jeremy, my 17 year old. I actually asked how intimate he and his girlfriend were becoming. He said pretty intimate. I asked if they'd had sex yet, he said not yet, and I asked if he had protection. He responded with, "Well, Emma works at Planned Parenthood, so we're okay on that front." Yes, I bet you are. Carry on, then.
Quote from: Sheilbh on January 25, 2013, 09:42:51 AM
I've heard it a few times. Mostly older people who aren't married. I think they feel girlfriend/boyfriend's a bit young sounding. But I always mistakenly assume they're gay.
Me = older :cry:
All my friends talk about their partners, and there's no assumption about sexuality involved, and only use boyfriend or girlfriend if being coy.
Quote from: Sheilbh on January 25, 2013, 09:42:51 AM
I've heard it a few times. Mostly older people who aren't married. I think they feel girlfriend/boyfriend's a bit young sounding. But I always mistakenly assume they're gay.
Huh...come to think of it it is usually older people. :hmm:
Quote from: merithyn on January 25, 2013, 09:56:21 AM
He responded with, "Well, Emma works at Planned Parenthood, so we're okay on that front."
Wahoo! Free condoms!
Quote from: Valmy on January 25, 2013, 09:36:41 AM
Which one? I had no problems having these sorts of conversations with my parents once I was an adult. At that point my parents sort of became my partners in life rather than authority figures. But it sort of helps we live in the same town and generally get together once a week or so.
I look at it the opposite way. As an adult, I figure it's not really any of my mom's business, and now that I'm married I really don't think it's any of her business. When I was a minor, well, I didn't like discussions about this sort of stuff with my parents, but given that I was their legal responsibility, I could at least see where it was sort of their job.
Quote from: dps on January 25, 2013, 10:17:50 AM
I look at it the opposite way. As an adult, I figure it's not really any of my mom's business, and now that I'm married I really don't think it's any of her business.
Heh that would be an absurd idea in my family. But everybody is different.
Quote from: dps on January 25, 2013, 10:17:50 AM
I look at it the opposite way. As an adult, I figure it's not really any of my mom's business, and now that I'm married I really don't think it's any of her business. When I was a minor, well, I didn't like discussions about this sort of stuff with my parents, but given that I was their legal responsibility, I could at least see where it was sort of their job.
I don't ask after the elder two boys' sex lives, but I do ask after their relationships, because I care not because I'm trying to interfere. They ask how things are between Max and I, too.
Like Valmy, it's more of a partnership in life thing. I'm the only mom they're ever going to have, and I covet that relationship over being their friend. It gives me a sort of intimacy with them that I think we all treasure. Along with that intimacy comes the desire to see how they are doing emotionally, ie in their relationships. So yeah, asking how their sex life is seems a bit creepy after they're adults, but asking how the dating scene is going doesn't.
Ick.
Quote from: Martinus on January 25, 2013, 07:50:01 AM
Quote from: OttoVonBismarck on January 25, 2013, 07:13:27 AM
Quote from: Valmy on January 23, 2013, 12:02:29 PM
Quote from: Admiral Yi on January 23, 2013, 11:58:59 AM
Never once heard a straight person refer to their fuck friend as a partner.
Yeah maybe it is just here. I get this all the time. I was recently at a funeral recently where the widow was even referred to as the man's 'partner for over 60 years' keep in mind they had been married most of this time.
It's not common around here, but it is something I've seen when you're talking about a couple in a very long term relationship who have basically combined houses, to some degree finances, maybe even have a kid together etc. Basically people who for all purposes other than the paperwork are married, but for various reasons have not legally married. The one couple I can think of that both uses the term and actually explained themselves, the woman said calling her male SO her "boyfriend" made it seem like their relationship was less serious than it was, since they've lived together over 10 years and have a child together, but she even says that partner is a iffy word for this scenario and that really there isn't a "normal" term for two heterosexuals who have decided to be married-in-all-but-name.
I'd guess Austin, being the hippy hell hole it is, probably has a lot more people around than here that for various hippie liberal reasons have chosen to be in long term heterosexual unions without marrying, as some sort of atheist stick-it-to-the-man mentality or something.
My friend, who is a litigation lawyer, revels in introducing her boyfriend in a situation you describe (they have two kids together) as her "concubine"*, which is the police-report-style legal term for un unmarried "spouse".
*Not sure if in English this can only denote a woman or can also mean a man? In Polish we have the word "konkubina" to mean a female concubine and "konkubent" to mean a female concubine.
From time to time I hear someone's unmarried spouse referred to as their "common law". As in "This is Sue, my common law". Of course it is just short for "common law wife/husband".
Quote from: merithyn on January 25, 2013, 09:31:26 AM
And on the opposite end of that, my son and I just had a conversation about whether or not he's having sex with his girlfriend yet, if he's using protection, and to make sure that he gets a very clearly stated yes.
Clearly stated yes? There goes about 85% of my action while in High School.
Women are turned on by guys who constantly ask "is this OK? is this OK? is this OK?". :)
Quote from: The Brain on January 25, 2013, 05:47:23 PM
Women are turned on by guys who constantly ask "is this OK? is this OK? is this OK?". :)
Having her scream Yes Yes Yes will do.
QuoteI've heard it a few times. Mostly older people who aren't married. I think they feel girlfriend/boyfriend's a bit young sounding. But I always mistakenly assume they're gay.
Yeah, partner does have a bit of a gay nuance. From my observation 'partner' for many older people seems to be a bit of a code word for talking about gay people without having to outright mention any of those words like 'gay' or 'his boyfriend' that make them uncomfortale.
Quote from: merithyn on January 25, 2013, 09:31:26 AM
And on the opposite end of that, my son and I just had a conversation about whether or not he's having sex with his girlfriend yet, if he's using protection, and to make sure that he gets a very clearly stated yes.
A big reason why I don't say anything about girlfriends to my parents :p
Quote from: OttoVonBismarck on January 25, 2013, 05:29:02 PM
Quote from: merithyn on January 25, 2013, 09:31:26 AM
And on the opposite end of that, my son and I just had a conversation about whether or not he's having sex with his girlfriend yet, if he's using protection, and to make sure that he gets a very clearly stated yes.
Clearly stated yes? There goes about 85% of my action while in High School.
Should have gotten a permission slip from her dad.
I can see where Meri is coming from, you want to make sure sons aren't accused of rape. I only have a daughter, so the situation is different for me as a parent, but I see where this thought process comes from.
However, as a man, who grew up in the 80s (sexually anyway), the reality is that you make your move, if the woman doesn't slap your hand away, it's time for pound town. This concept of needing an explicit grant of rights to go to pound town is very foreign to me. Do today's young adults really do that?