And I'm positively terrified by it. Fuck, I really really loathe insects.
What to do?
Right now I'm paging Malthus
If I'll survive, You'll get updates
L.
First thinig: isolate the kitchen.
second: shirt tucked into the pants, buttoning down sleeves and neck
Third: getting a broom from the closet
fourth:
L.
Damn, I cannot forcemyself to gointo the kitchen.
Maybe it will suicide by falling into the broth
L.
Kids are playing in the living room, the quietness outside cringes against my inner turmoil
L.
Is it just one? A Locust is a swarming form of grasshopper. Check to see if there are several million more nearby.
I left the windows open, and managed to force myself and enter the kitchenagain: no trace ofthe monster, but it could be hidden anywhere. Not in the broth, it's the only sure thing
L.
Quote from: Razgovory on March 17, 2012, 01:21:19 PM
Is it just one? A Locust is a swarming form of grasshopper. Check to see if there are several million more nearby.
Don't seem so, and if itwas the case, I'd already be dead by pure terror
L.
Get a large frying pan to use alternatively as a shield or as a big whacker.
Oh, and make sure the frying pan is empty before you do that.
No trace of the beast. Goosebump tsunami seems ended, waves are reverting to normal.
I fear it'shidden, and it will come out when I'll be more relaxed, just to give me the coup de grace
the pan is a good idea, but maybe too heavy
L.
Quote from: Pedrito on March 17, 2012, 01:23:29 PM
Quote from: Razgovory on March 17, 2012, 01:21:19 PM
Is it just one? A Locust is a swarming form of grasshopper. Check to see if there are several million more nearby.
Don't seem so, and if itwas the case, I'd already be dead by pure terror
L.
Do you live in Italy? I seem to recall you living in Italy. If you are in North America it is not a Locust. There are no Locust in North America. In that case it's just a Grasshopper. Make sure it's not one of those giant radioactive grasshoppers like they had in the 1950's. If it not the size of a bus and not radiactive have on the kids get rid of it. Hell, the kids can eat them. They aren't poisonous.
a philosophical question:
leave open the window, in case the monster is still inside, or, if it went away, close it to avoid a new attack?
L.
Close it, do you really want to invite his friends in as well?
I think it's only one, I've heard other tales of these rogue locusts
I think it's best to keep the window open; finding myself in a closed space with the beast could lead me to a collapse
L.
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F_4CSQQrua4WI%2FSFSjs_ppYBI%2FAAAAAAAAAIg%2Fi6Mf4gts5ws%2Fs400%2FGiant%2BLocust.jpg&hash=fd8a82069f6637d0d2f1b8c3ebeada559f5d77d6)
:cthulu: :x
Damn, I think I scheeched like a girly girl.
Luckily for my self esteem, my wife was away.
No trace in the last ten minutes.
L.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfMDPzFbXoY This documentary gives a good idea of how to get rid of giant grasshoppers.
I hope it is helpful. NOTE: Peter Graves died a couple of years ago, so he may not be able to help.
Quote from: Pedrito on March 17, 2012, 01:39:57 PM
I think it's only one, I've heard other tales of these rogue locusts
I think it's best to keep the window open; finding myself in a closed space with the beast could lead me to a collapse
L.
So you leave your windows open? Gee, I wonder why you have a bug problem.
Quote from: Razgovory on March 17, 2012, 01:53:07 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfMDPzFbXoY This documentary gives a good idea of how to get rid of giant grasshoppers.
I hope it is helpful. NOTE: Peter Graves died a couple of years ago, so he may not be able to help.
:lol:
Keep a shoe handy for when it reappears.
Or nuke the flat from orbit.
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Forigin.arstechnica.com%2Fjournals%2Fapple.media%2Fraid_can.jpg&hash=6d1b4979fef2ed5639b00c08cf7e24e1ced74752)
In other news, my hovercraft is full of eels!
Quote from: Ideologue on March 17, 2012, 03:04:09 PM
Quote from: Pedrito on March 17, 2012, 01:39:57 PM
I think it's only one, I've heard other tales of these rogue locusts
I think it's best to keep the window open; finding myself in a closed space with the beast could lead me to a collapse
L.
So you leave your windows open? Gee, I wonder why you have a bug problem.
You keep yours closed? What are you, a shut-in?
Have you set free any religious minority people that you keep enslaved at home?
Quote from: PRC on March 17, 2012, 03:42:33 PM
You keep yours closed? What are you, a shut-in?
You don't get many mosquitoes in Canada.
I did survive. The grasshopper did not.
the bitch was hidden somewhere behind the fridge, just like I told before: it was waiting for my alertness to lower, then tried to hit me from the back.
After an epic struggle, I managed to drown it in hot oil; then my wife disposed of the body.
We are finally safe. My dreams tonight won't be as safe, though.
L.
Now you have a tale you can tell your grandchildren. :cheers:
:cheers:
I'll have a rapeshower before going to bed
L.
Quote from: The Larch on March 17, 2012, 03:49:37 PM
Have you set free any religious minority people that you keep enslaved at home?
:lol:
:cheers: Congrats on the victory.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on March 17, 2012, 05:16:53 PM
Quote from: PRC on March 17, 2012, 03:42:33 PM
You keep yours closed? What are you, a shut-in?
You don't get many mosquitoes in Canada.
I invested in this magical, new technology that allows you to keep your windows open but also keeps bugs out.
Sounds like black magic to me.
Quote from: garbon on March 17, 2012, 06:06:05 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on March 17, 2012, 05:16:53 PM
Quote from: PRC on March 17, 2012, 03:42:33 PM
You keep yours closed? What are you, a shut-in?
You don't get many mosquitoes in Canada.
I invested in this magical, new technology that allows you to keep your windows open but also keeps bugs out.
Also called a Polish boat bottom.
:cheers:
Quote from: Ed Anger on March 17, 2012, 06:50:37 PM
Quote from: garbon on March 17, 2012, 06:06:05 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on March 17, 2012, 05:16:53 PM
Quote from: PRC on March 17, 2012, 03:42:33 PM
You keep yours closed? What are you, a shut-in?
You don't get many mosquitoes in Canada.
I invested in this magical, new technology that allows you to keep your windows open but also keeps bugs out.
Also called a Polish boat bottom.
:lol:
Quote from: garbon on March 17, 2012, 06:06:05 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on March 17, 2012, 05:16:53 PM
Quote from: PRC on March 17, 2012, 03:42:33 PM
You keep yours closed? What are you, a shut-in?
You don't get many mosquitoes in Canada.
I invested in this magical, new technology that allows you to keep your windows open but also keeps bugs out.
Lets in the contrail chemicals.
Quote from: Ideologue on March 17, 2012, 11:38:39 PM
Quote from: garbon on March 17, 2012, 06:06:05 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on March 17, 2012, 05:16:53 PM
Quote from: PRC on March 17, 2012, 03:42:33 PM
You keep yours closed? What are you, a shut-in?
You don't get many mosquitoes in Canada.
I invested in this magical, new technology that allows you to keep your windows open but also keeps bugs out.
Lets in the contrail chemicals.
Also... fresh air!
Quote from: PRC on March 18, 2012, 01:46:30 AM
Also... fresh air!
:huh: That hasn't been my experience. Maybe they make different kinds of screens in New Jersey.
Quote from: Pedrito on March 17, 2012, 05:53:23 PM
:cheers:
I'll have a rapeshower before going to bed
L.
:lol:
congrats on an epic victory! :cheers:
tonight my wife did not tribute me the adoration I deserved after yesterday's struggle.
I'm disappointed :glare:
L.
You'll like this story, Pedrito:
Once when playing D&D in Jr High, a cricket landed on the table late at night. My friend Scott shrieked "SPIDER" loud enough to break crystal then jumped straight up, hovered in mid air for a second, then moved in slow motion through the air behind his chair before running out of the room leaving us to defeat the bug with a hastily assembled paper cup trap.
My friend Jay swore Scott did a back-flip while hovering, but I think not.
Anyway, good job in saving your kids from disaster.
I hear locusts taste great fried in corn oil and salt. :mmm:
:lol: nice story Peedy.
The struggle was not without consequences, though:
right now I'm in bed with 38.5ยบ fever
PTSD!
L.
Why did you boil it in oil????
And where is the pic of the dead beast?
V
QuoteAnd where is the pic of the dead beast?
V
Quote
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2F3.bp.blogspot.com%2F_4CSQQrua4WI%2FSFSjs_ppYBI%2FAAAAAAAAAIg%2Fi6Mf4gts5ws%2Fs400%2FGiant%2BLocust.jpg&hash=fd8a82069f6637d0d2f1b8c3ebeada559f5d77d6)
:D
I saw that, but that aint pedrito ;)
V
Quote from: Valdemar on March 19, 2012, 03:42:42 AM
Why did you boil it in oil????
And where is the pic of the dead beast?
V
Some explainations on the horrible ending of the grasshopper:
I cooked fried chicken for the kids; when I finished cooking, I did not drain the oil into the sink, but put the pan beside it (never, never decision was more serendipitously right!); in the sink there was a large pan cover.
I merrily started cooking the adults' meal (fried rice with five spice chicken and chives), when the smoke coming from the wok did disturb the beast, wherever it was. It started flying again around the kitchen, and I was (again) screeching like a girl, when all of a sudden the monster ended its flight under the cover in the sink.
Taking all of my courage out, I approached the sink, took the oil pan and poured it into the sink
Suddenly there were noises a bit like the ones made by the victims of Victor, L'Eliminateur in Luc Besson's
Nikita.
After some time they stopped.
The kids came to look at the corpse; then my wife threw it outside.
No pics, sorry.
L.
You literally got medieval on it. :D
You pour oil down the sink?! :o
Quote from: sbr on March 19, 2012, 08:30:33 AM
You pour oil down the sink?! :o
IT WUZ AN EMERGENCY
L.