I'm interested in the phenomenon of "in-laws." It seems like there is definitely a cultural trope, at least in the US, that people hate/can't stand their in-laws. I guess there is a certain amount of unavoidable awkwardness in being the stranger inducted into a new social group with its own deep ties and unique traditions, and being judged for worthiness.
It also seems like women tend to have the harder time dealing with in-laws, the classic story of being judged for not being a good wife, stealing Mommy's little boy, etc. Whereas you get more popular narratives of the husband winning over his father-in-law by doing manly activities together.
But it must be a weird sensation to be actively disliked by the parents (and/or family) of one's spouse. :hmm:
What I find really weird is when two sets of in-laws spend significant time together. It just strikes me as uncomfortable for some reason.Maybe just because my two sets of grandparents were separated by what was a pretty sharp ethnic divide for their generation/neighborhood.
Is this true for the married/partnered Languishites? Do you like your in-laws? Or how did the parents of any of us deal with it?
I really liked the in-laws (parents) of both my partners.
QuoteWhereas you get more popular narratives of the husband winning over his father-in-law by doing manly activities together.
"I love banging your daughter in the ass and making her cry when she cums. Now let's go fishing."
In Korea the mother inlaw is all powerful and the wife/s of her son/s must obey her in all things.
Quote from: CountDeMoney on September 09, 2011, 12:14:47 AM
QuoteWhereas you get more popular narratives of the husband winning over his father-in-law by doing manly activities together.
"I love banging your daughter in the ass and making her cry when she cums. Now let's go fishing."
:D
Quote from: jimmy olsen on September 09, 2011, 01:04:54 AM
In Korea the mother inlaw is all powerful and the wife/s of her son/s must obey her in all things.
Isn't that the way in all of East Asia? Probably why so many East Asians try to land husbands in the West.
Quote from: Razgovory on September 09, 2011, 01:36:16 AM
Quote from: jimmy olsen on September 09, 2011, 01:04:54 AM
In Korea the mother inlaw is all powerful and the wife/s of her son/s must obey her in all things.
Isn't that the way in all of East Asia? Probably why so many East Asians try to land husbands in the West.
They do? I thought they are just not marrying.
I don't have any particular trouble with my in-laws, and for the most part my wife and my mom get along OK, though there are times they get on each others nerves.
Quote from: CountDeMoney on September 09, 2011, 12:14:47 AM
QuoteWhereas you get more popular narratives of the husband winning over his father-in-law by doing manly activities together.
"I love banging your daughter in the ass and making her cry when she cums. Now let's go fishing."
When visiting, nailing her in her old bedroom.
I like my in-laws. They are batshit insane religious people but I like them none the less.
Quote from: Grey Fox on September 09, 2011, 07:09:00 AM
I like my in-laws. They are batshit insane religious people but I like them none the less.
Same here. My inlaws are famously batshit insane religious. They have always been good to me though.
The real trouble comes from my parents, who are more than slightly snobby about them - they obviously consider my wife's parents a pair of ignorant superstitious peasants, and hardly bother to hide it. My wife picks up on this, and it is all the more galling because it's sorta true.
However, my family has a tradition of self-reliance and though they have plenty of money they have never offered to help us out on any occasion (and nor would I expect them to! I share their notions). OTOH, my inlaws are very generous and I have had to keep fending off their offers to help on occasion. So my wife considers my family a bunch of miserly tightwads as well as snobs.
How religious?
My in-laws, before the crowd goes crazy these arent real in-laws I am not married, are church twice a week, pray before dinner, quote the bible at most opportunity, missionary work in Haiti religious.
Altho, they tell me they have mellowed with age & newly born grandkids.
You might believe in self-sufficience like your parents but you came across as very generous & were when I visited in '09.
Quote from: Malthus on September 09, 2011, 10:07:21 AM
Quote from: Grey Fox on September 09, 2011, 07:09:00 AM
I like my in-laws. They are batshit insane religious people but I like them none the less.
Same here. My inlaws are famously batshit insane religious. They have always been good to me though.
The real trouble comes from my parents, who are more than slightly snobby about them - they obviously consider my wife's parents a pair of ignorant superstitious peasants, and hardly bother to hide it. My wife picks up on this, and it is all the more galling because it's sorta true.
However, my family has a tradition of self-reliance and though they have plenty of money they have never offered to help us out on any occasion (and nor would I expect them to! I share their notions). OTOH, my inlaws are very generous and I have had to keep fending off their offers to help on occasion. So my wife considers my family a bunch of miserly tightwads as well as snobs.
that was insightful. There are some things I now understand better...
My mother-in-law is awesome. I have never met my father-in-law and that works fine for me as well.
Quote from: Grey Fox on September 09, 2011, 10:30:57 AM
How religious?
My in-laws, before the crowd goes crazy these arent real in-laws I am not married, are church twice a week, pray before dinner, quote the bible at most opportunity, missionary work in Haiti religious.
Altho, they tell me they have mellowed with age & newly born grandkids.
Ah, I remember my aunt. My grandfather was a deeply religious man. Never worked on a Sunday unless permission was granted by a priest. All the stuff you inlaws do, minus the missionary work. So, my aunt decided to bring a French boyfriend home. Unmarried, in the same room. My grandpa kicked the dude, downstairs. Never saw that guy again. 30 years later, it's making my father laugh everytime he thinks of it.
Quote from: Grey Fox on September 09, 2011, 10:30:57 AM
My in-laws, before the crowd goes crazy these arent real in-laws I am not married, are church twice a week, pray before dinner, quote the bible at most opportunity, missionary work in Haiti religious.
Woah. I didn't know they still made Quebecois like that.
Quote from: Grey Fox on September 09, 2011, 10:30:57 AM
How religious?
My in-laws, before the crowd goes crazy these arent real in-laws I am not married, are church twice a week, pray before dinner, quote the bible at most opportunity, missionary work in Haiti religious.
and you made their daughter live in sin? :o :P
Quote from: HVC on September 09, 2011, 10:45:57 AM
Quote from: Grey Fox on September 09, 2011, 10:30:57 AM
How religious?
My in-laws, before the crowd goes crazy these arent real in-laws I am not married, are church twice a week, pray before dinner, quote the bible at most opportunity, missionary work in Haiti religious.
and you made their daughter live in sin? :o :P
Compare to the their other daughter choice in boyfriends, I'm a god damn god send.
Ah, the "preachers daughter" syndrom. Brings back memories of Catholic highschool :wub:
Quote from: Valmy on September 09, 2011, 10:35:03 AM
Quote from: Grey Fox on September 09, 2011, 10:30:57 AM
My in-laws, before the crowd goes crazy these arent real in-laws I am not married, are church twice a week, pray before dinner, quote the bible at most opportunity, missionary work in Haiti religious.
Woah. I didn't know they still made Quebecois like that.
Before I met their daughters, neither did I. I was really shocked.
Quote from: Grey Fox on September 09, 2011, 10:30:57 AM
How religious?
Religious enough that they host nuns with stigmata (the wounds of Christ) at their house.
A little anecdote: when we were first dating, on my first visit to their house I was left waiting in the living room while she "got ready" (a process taking hours!). On their living room table was some religious pamphlets. Being bored stiff, I read the only one that was in English - a sort of rosary book of "meditations" that the person was supposed to think about while doing prayers for 40 minutes each day. The wierd thing was, each one was a torture that was done to Jesus - sort of like the stations of the Cross, only more so, because there was a different one each day and Jesus wasn't actually tortured in 365 different ways, so they had to invent some.
Just out of curiousity, I looked up the meditation for that particular day (it was bookmarked!). It read something like "Think about the perfidous Jews,
ramming human turds down Jesus' throat".
Being Jewish myself, it was a trifle ... alarming ... to think that my girlfriend's parents had just spent 40 minutes meditating on "the Jews" throat-fucking Jesus with shit. I thought they might not be well-disposed towards me ...
Quote
My in-laws, before the crowd goes crazy these arent real in-laws I am not married, are church twice a week, pray before dinner, quote the bible at most opportunity, missionary work in Haiti religious.
Altho, they tell me they have mellowed with age & newly born grandkids.
You might believe in self-sufficience like your parents but you came across as very generous & were when I visited in '09.
Hey no prob. This self-sufficency thing is about parents and kids.
I think the relationship with the in-laws (by whom I mean parents of your partner, not the rest of the family) is going to be naturally strained.
Essentially, you are a guy/chick fucking their innocent baby. It's a cognitive dissonance thingie.
My in-laws pray every day (probably morning and night) that Max will leave me. I am, afterall, literally the woman his mother always warned him about (divorced, met online, living in sin, non-Mennonite, etc.). They don't exactly pray that he'll leave me, but rather that he'll go back to the church, and the only way that can happen is if he left me since we're not married in their eyes and can't be so long as my ex-husband is alive. They're very nice to me when they're here, but I dislike their treatment of Max (they soft-ball shun him) and I can't let go of the idea that they wish he'd leave me. Makes for a difficult relationship. His sisters treat me far better (well, all but one of them), though his brothers have nothing to do with me unless they're standing in my house. They, like their parents, completely disapprove of Max's and my relationship.
Max gets along fine with my family, but they all drive him a little insane. They tend to be gossipy and judgmental, two things he despises. On top of that, my mom is a New Englander, which means she's got a nasally, loud voice that tends to give Max a headache. :D But they like him quite a bit, and respect the hell out of him.
My ex-husband's father hated me, but he hated my ex-husband, too, so I never took it personally. When he died, there were few tears shed. My ex-mother-in-law was about as passive-aggressive as you can possibly be. Every time she saw me she mentioned a therapist she knew about that I might like, gave me self-help articles, offered to help me with any problems I was having, etc. Basically, my son and you are having problems and since he's perfect, the problem must be with you. When I left my ex, she still called about once a month for the first couple of years to "check in", and lecture me about how I really should go back to her son. I stopped taking her calls eventually, but she's dead now, too, so I don't have to duck them anymore.
I've given up on having in-laws that like and respect me for being me. Fuck 'em.
Never had problems with in-laws. I usually avoid having a steady girlfriend too, but that's changing. Many of my friends do have problems with their in laws though, some severe, some trivial.
My best friend's wife was a very good friend of his sister. When they started seriously dating, at the urge of his mother, his wife moved in with the family (at the time, his parents, him and his younger sister), against my better advice, and then... his sister stopped talking to her friend. Not a fracking word in years. Even when his parents finally moved out of the house, to live right behind the newlywed couple, she still didn't speak to her former friend.
Only when she had a boyfriend of her own did she start speaking again.
The relations between my friend's wife and his family are still 'frosty'.
I bet Max's folks bake wonderful pies.
Quote from: Ed Anger on September 09, 2011, 01:14:33 PM
I bet Max's folks bake wonderful pies.
No clue. They've never made one for me. :(
Quote from: merithyn on September 09, 2011, 01:09:21 PM
My in-laws pray every day (probably morning and night) that Max will leave me.
[...]
My ex-husband's father hated me,
I see a pattern here, Meri... :P
My in-laws love me and I adore them. Right now they're staying at the house and they're cooking and cleaning for us, and we don't even have any kids yet. They keep telling my wife that should let me relax and do my own thing and not to put any pressure on me about this or that and to be supportive, even though that's pretty much what she's doing anyhow.
Conversely, my parents adore my wife as well and vice versa.
I think it helps hen you can gang up with your in-laws to tease your spouse; everybody bonds a bit that way.
So yeah, no in-law drama in my life. Makes things at lot easier. I've had girlfriends who've had crazy, obnoxious or just plain disapproving parents and it does add some strain.
Quote from: viper37 on September 09, 2011, 01:55:48 PM
Quote from: merithyn on September 09, 2011, 01:09:21 PM
My in-laws pray every day (probably morning and night) that Max will leave me.
[...]
My ex-husband's father hated me,
I see a pattern here, Meri... :P
Max's parents like me, they just don't want me married to their son. Very different than my ex's dad, who hated everyone.
Quote from: Ed Anger on September 09, 2011, 01:14:33 PM
I bet Max's folks bake wonderful pies.
:yes: Shoofly pie. :mmm:
Personally, I get along fine with my in-laws. I really like my father-in-law and we have a lot of shared interests (shooting, geneaology, conspiracy theories)... we used to not see him and my stepmother-in-law very often, despite living in the same town, but that's been changing lately.
My other mother-in-law can get on my nerves what with her wacko religious beliefs, but we get along ok and for some reason she worships me.
Princesca gets along really well with my dad. My mom... er... that's a different story, but much better than it used to be.
Quote from: Caliga on September 09, 2011, 08:17:51 PM
:yes: Shoofly pie. :mmm:
Never had it. Sounds disgusting.
:mad: I hereby revoke your German heritage.
Thank God I'm not German. Though I think my grandma used to make these.
:hmm: I guess shoofly pie is kind of like that sugar pie thing you Canucks enjoy.
Quote from: Caliga on September 10, 2011, 05:49:58 AM
:hmm: I guess shoofly pie is kind of like that sugar pie thing you Canucks enjoy.
:huh:
Never heard of it. What's wrong with people? Sugar isn't a flavour.
Quote from: Caliga on September 09, 2011, 08:21:00 PM
Personally, I get along fine with my in-laws. I really like my father-in-law and we have a lot of shared interests (shooting, geneaology, conspiracy theories)...
:yeahright:
Quote from: Maximus on September 10, 2011, 09:23:42 AM
Quote from: Caliga on September 10, 2011, 05:49:58 AM
:hmm: I guess shoofly pie is kind of like that sugar pie thing you Canucks enjoy.
:huh:
Never heard of it. What's wrong with people? Sugar isn't a flavour.
It's a molasses pie IIRC.
Quote from: Caliga on September 10, 2011, 05:49:58 AM
:hmm: I guess shoofly pie is kind of like that sugar pie thing you Canucks enjoy.
the shoofly pie is apparently a molasse pie, from what I read in Wikipedia. It would be called "mollasse pie" here, but I don't think you would find this in any restaurant. Every single restaurant has sugar pie on its menu, though. I used to like sugar pie (made with brown sugar), but I have an harder time tolerating that much sugar nowadays.
I have no idea if the recipe for "mollasse pie" is the same for a shoofly pie, I may have eaten this once or twice whan I was a kid.
Quote from: Maximus on September 10, 2011, 09:23:42 AM
Quote from: Caliga on September 10, 2011, 05:49:58 AM
:hmm: I guess shoofly pie is kind of like that sugar pie thing you Canucks enjoy.
:huh:
Never heard of it. What's wrong with people? Sugar isn't a flavour.
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcalexora.files.wordpress.com%2F2011%2F05%2Ftarte-au-sucre.jpg&hash=4a60c4dfc75fe49bbad401dcbc85ca817960587d)
It's brown sugar and milk, mostly.
LOL Malthus, just read your post. Wtf. I'm from a catholic country and never seen anything like that. Sounds like a Christian version of 120 days of Sodom.
Quote from: Caliga on September 09, 2011, 08:17:51 PM
Quote from: Ed Anger on September 09, 2011, 01:14:33 PM
I bet Max's folks bake wonderful pies.
:yes: Shoofly pie. :mmm:
It is about time I get get some. When I go to the winery later this month I'll get some from the nearby Amish.
Quote from: Martinus on September 10, 2011, 10:07:29 AM
LOL Malthus, just read your post. Wtf. I'm from a catholic country and never seen anything like that. Sounds like a Christian version of 120 days of Sodom.
Her parents aren't just Catholic, they belong to some sect of Catholicism that thinks the Church is corrupt because it is too liberal and because it doesn't approve of some of the folk miracle-mongering that these people go in for.
They are, literally, 'more Catholic than the Pope'. :lol:
Quote from: Malthus on September 10, 2011, 01:50:50 PM
Quote from: Martinus on September 10, 2011, 10:07:29 AM
LOL Malthus, just read your post. Wtf. I'm from a catholic country and never seen anything like that. Sounds like a Christian version of 120 days of Sodom.
Her parents aren't just Catholic, they belong to some sect of Catholicism that thinks the Church is corrupt because it is too liberal and because it doesn't approve of some of the folk miracle-mongering that these people go in for.
They are, literally, 'more Catholic than the Pope'. :lol:
so they're protestants in denial? :D
Quote from: Martinus on September 09, 2011, 12:12:03 PM
I think the relationship with the in-laws (by whom I mean parents of your partner, not the rest of the family) is going to be naturally strained.
Essentially, you are a guy/chick fucking their innocent baby. It's a cognitive dissonance thingie.
I hear you, and now that I have 3 kids... that's probably how I'll look at my daughters' boyfriends. I know what men are after.
Having said that, my own in-laws are cool. It may also help us that they live on another continent. But I like meeting them now and then.
Quote from: viper37 on September 10, 2011, 09:59:42 AM
Quote from: Maximus on September 10, 2011, 09:23:42 AM
Quote from: Caliga on September 10, 2011, 05:49:58 AM
:hmm: I guess shoofly pie is kind of like that sugar pie thing you Canucks enjoy.
:huh:
Never heard of it. What's wrong with people? Sugar isn't a flavour.
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fcalexora.files.wordpress.com%2F2011%2F05%2Ftarte-au-sucre.jpg&hash=4a60c4dfc75fe49bbad401dcbc85ca817960587d)
It's brown sugar and milk, mostly.
Does it mostly come at night? Mostly?
Yep, it's the lean and hungry type.
Quote from: HVC on September 10, 2011, 03:57:37 PM
so they're protestants in denial? :D
:P
Naw, they are into worshipping Mary & the saints (band name!). Also, stigmata, rosaries, the whole Catholic nine yards. :D
Smegmata?