Languish.org

General Category => Off the Record => Topic started by: chipwich on September 15, 2009, 02:02:43 PM

Title: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: chipwich on September 15, 2009, 02:02:43 PM
http://www.slate.com/id/2228327/

A long-forgotten labyrinth deep beneath the streets of Ottawa.
A murderous cult determined to protect it.
A white-knuckled race to uncover NAMBLA's darkest secret.

QuoteWhen celebrated Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned to the National Gallery of Canada to analyze a mysterious ancient script—etched into the floor next to the mangled body of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Lucinistas, a secret branch of NAMBLA that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the Vatican.

Langdon's worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Lucinistas appears at the Canadian Supreme Court to deliver a macabre ultimatum: Deposit $1 billion in NAMBLA's off-shore bank accounts or the exclusive clothier of the Swiss Guards will be bankrupted. With the deadline fast approaching, Langdon joins forces with the pert and charming daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult's secret plan.

Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdon and his companion follow a 300-year-old trail through Ottawa's most historic statues and sacred buildings, pursued by a near-sighted assassin the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to Allen Ginsberg and the very founding of NAMBLA.
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: Valmy on September 15, 2009, 02:07:36 PM
A mysterious cipher whose key is somewhere in Buenos Aires.
A nefarious cult determined to protect it.
A desperate race to uncover the Mounties' darkest secret.

Bloody Mounties
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: Agelastus on September 15, 2009, 03:49:10 PM
He includes Paris on the list but NOT LONDON! :mad:
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: The Minsky Moment on September 15, 2009, 03:59:20 PM
An obscure forum hidden deep in the bowels of the world wide web.
An eccentric cult determined to moderate it.
A lesiurely race to uncover languish's most repulsive secret.

QuoteWhen celebrated Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is requested to appear at a tenure review hearing to explain just exactly what the hell "symbology" is and why a Harvard trained professor has never heard of the word "semiotics," he unearths horrifying rumors of unimaginable verbal atrocities bruied deep in the beating eletronic heart of the internet: the twisted demented hordes of the Languishitas, an obscure sect of the History Channel that has covertly seized control of the electronic highways to carry out its brutal vengeance against the Byzanteens.

Langdon's worst fears are confirmed when a Moderator from the Languishitas almost succeeds in luring the intrepid professor through the sinister streets of downtown Baltimore into an unspeakable underground chamber of S&M horrors.  It is then that Langdon learns of the Languishistas devious plans to corrupt Western culture by rewriting the entire corpus of American and European literature as furry fan fiction.  With the final editions far from release and the only clue as their whereabouts being the rumored location of another Moderator in the wilds of the Alaskan tundra, Langdon teams up with the perky if somewhat mentally challenged running mate of a failed fomer Presidential candidate in a incomprehensible effort to break the cipher that will reveal the cult's web hosting service.

Setting forth on a pointless and poorly plotted chase, Langdon and his MILFy companion follow a 300-day-old trail through internet's most historic threads and flame wars, trailed at every step by the horrifying nemeses the cult has pitted against him: a relentless Crown Prosecutor with impossibly pleated clothing; a cancerous New England youth armed with limitless news feeds; a shreiking gay Pole driven insane by overexposure to ECJ competition opinions; and God Himself, come down from his Albertan mountaintop . What Langdon and his chipper ex-gov uncover could blow the lid on secret plot that dates back to the original launch of the first Ican Torpedo Boat and the very founding of the Octagon.
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: MadBurgerMaker on September 15, 2009, 04:02:55 PM
A mysterious cipher whose key is somewhere in Boston.
A nefarious cult determined to protect it.
A frantic race to uncover Major League Baseball's darkest secret.
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: Valmy on September 15, 2009, 04:09:37 PM
Quote from: The Minsky Moment on September 15, 2009, 03:59:20 PM
An obscure forum hidden deep in the bowels of the world wide web.
An eccentric cult determined to moderate it.
A lesiurely race to uncover languish's most repulsive secret.

QuoteWhen celebrated Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is requested to appear at a tenure review hearing to explain just exactly what the hell "symbology" is and why a Harvard trained professor has never heard of the word "semiotics," he unearths horrifying rumors of unimaginable verbal atrocities bruied deep in the beating eletronic heart of the internet: the twisted demented hordes of the Languishitas, an obscure sect of the History Channel that has covertly seized control of the electronic highways to carry out its brutal vengeance against the Byzanteens.

Langdon's worst fears are confirmed when a Moderator from the Languishitas almost succeeds in luring the intrepid professor through the sinister streets of downtown Baltimore into an unspeakable underground chamber of S&M horrors.  It is then that Langdon learns of the Languishistas devious plans to corrupt Western culture by rewriting the entire corpus of American and European literature as furry fan fiction.  With the final editions far from release and the only clue as their whereabouts being the rumored location of another Moderator in the wilds of the Alaskan tundra, Langdon teams up with the perky if somewhat mentally challenged running mate of a failed fomer Presidential candidate in a incomprehensible effort to break the cipher that will reveal the cult's web hosting service.

Setting forth on a pointless and poorly plotted chase, Langdon and his MILFy companion follow a 300-day-old trail through internet's most historic threads and flame wars, trailed at every step by the horrifying nemeses the cult has pitted against him: a relentless Crown Prosecutor with impossibly pleated clothing; a cancerous New England youth armed with limitless news feeds; a shreiking gay Pole driven insane by overexposure to ECJ competition opinions; and God Himself, come down from his Albertan mountaintop . What Langdon and his chipper ex-gov uncover could blow the lid on secret plot that dates back to the original launch of the first Ican Torpedo Boat and the very founding of the Octagon.

:lmfao:
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: Gambrinus on September 15, 2009, 04:14:22 PM
@Joan  :lmfao:
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: Agelastus on September 15, 2009, 04:18:09 PM
 :lmfao:

Good god - a sighting of Incan Torpedo Boats! Now that IS history. :D
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: Martinus on September 15, 2009, 05:31:38 PM
 :lol:
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: lustindarkness on September 15, 2009, 07:36:46 PM
Quote from: The Minsky Moment on September 15, 2009, 03:59:20 PM
An obscure forum hidden deep in the bowels of the world wide web.
An eccentric cult determined to moderate it.
A lesiurely race to uncover languish's most repulsive secret.

QuoteWhen celebrated Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is requested to appear at a tenure review hearing to explain just exactly what the hell "symbology" is and why a Harvard trained professor has never heard of the word "semiotics," he unearths horrifying rumors of unimaginable verbal atrocities bruied deep in the beating eletronic heart of the internet: the twisted demented hordes of the Languishitas, an obscure sect of the History Channel that has covertly seized control of the electronic highways to carry out its brutal vengeance against the Byzanteens.

Langdon's worst fears are confirmed when a Moderator from the Languishitas almost succeeds in luring the intrepid professor through the sinister streets of downtown Baltimore into an unspeakable underground chamber of S&M horrors.  It is then that Langdon learns of the Languishistas devious plans to corrupt Western culture by rewriting the entire corpus of American and European literature as furry fan fiction.  With the final editions far from release and the only clue as their whereabouts being the rumored location of another Moderator in the wilds of the Alaskan tundra, Langdon teams up with the perky if somewhat mentally challenged running mate of a failed fomer Presidential candidate in a incomprehensible effort to break the cipher that will reveal the cult's web hosting service.

Setting forth on a pointless and poorly plotted chase, Langdon and his MILFy companion follow a 300-day-old trail through internet's most historic threads and flame wars, trailed at every step by the horrifying nemeses the cult has pitted against him: a relentless Crown Prosecutor with impossibly pleated clothing; a cancerous New England youth armed with limitless news feeds; a shreiking gay Pole driven insane by overexposure to ECJ competition opinions; and God Himself, come down from his Albertan mountaintop . What Langdon and his chipper ex-gov uncover could blow the lid on secret plot that dates back to the original launch of the first Ican Torpedo Boat and the very founding of the Octagon.

You win the thread.
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: Crazy_Ivan80 on September 16, 2009, 12:08:18 AM
excellent way to start the day.

Great work joan.
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: Pedrito on September 16, 2009, 03:04:26 AM
 :lmfao:

TMM's post should be stickied.

L.
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: Brazen on September 16, 2009, 04:42:44 AM
 :lmfao:Revive POTM just for this, please  :D
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: Alatriste on September 16, 2009, 06:40:08 AM
Quote
to explain just exactly what the hell "symbology" is and why a Harvard trained professor has never heard of the word "semiotics,"

:D

Hope no one puts himself at an immediate disadvantage before the final fight...
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: Fireblade on September 16, 2009, 08:17:45 AM
SPOILER ALERT: Jaron carries the "Holy Blood".

He is the last descendant of Constantine I. :o
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: Caliga on September 16, 2009, 08:32:29 AM
I always wondered about the "symbology" vs. semiotics thing, too... especially weird since Dan Brown has clearly read Umberto Eco.  :huh:

Maybe he thinks his target audience is too stupid to understand what "semiotics" means and didn't want to have to explain it repeatedly at book signings.
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: The Minsky Moment on September 16, 2009, 08:48:43 AM
Quote from: Caliga on September 16, 2009, 08:32:29 AM
Maybe he thinks his target audience is too stupid to understand what "semiotics" means and didn't want to have to explain it repeatedly at book signings.

Yeah I think that is exactly it - that and thinking ahead to pitching the story to Hollywood.
Title: Re: Dan Brown sequel generator
Post by: BuddhaRhubarb on September 16, 2009, 09:37:55 PM
QuoteA mysterious cipher whose key is somewhere in Buenos Aires.
A nefarious cult determined to protect it.
A desperate race to uncover the Mormon Church's darkest secret.

The Hallowed Cipher

When world-famous Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon is summoned to the Colon Theatre to analyze a mysterious rune—imprinted on a gold ring lying next to the disfigured form of the head docent—he discovers evidence of the unthinkable: the resurgence of the ancient cult of the Lucinistas, a secret branch of the Mormon Church that has surfaced from the shadows to carry out its legendary vendetta against its mortal enemy, the Vatican.

Langdon's worst fears are confirmed when a messenger from the Lucinistas appears at the Obelisk in Plaza de la Republica to deliver a macabre ultimatum: Turn over the archbishop, or one cherub will disappear from the Sistine Chapel every day. As the city braces for disaster, Langdon joins forces with the voluptuous and charming daughter of the murdered docent in a desperate bid to crack the code that will reveal the cult's secret plan.

Embarking on a frantic hunt, Langdon and his companion follow a 800-year-old trail through Buenos Aires's most sacred churches and historic monuments, pursued by a mustachioed assassin the cult has sent to thwart them. What they discover threatens to expose a conspiracy that goes all the way back to Joseph Smith and the very founding of the Mormon Church.