Part One – the Meeting, Trouble with Chili
It was with some trepidation that I left my home to head down to the Denver Airport on Friday. I was to meet Valmy there, traveling from Texas for the big game against Wyoming. Why was I doing this? What motivation could I have for such a foolish act?
Wyomingites are by nature a reserved, calm folk, and the thought of the thousands of Texans coming to visit was causing an uproar. It was only recently that the travel restrictions against them traveling to my fair state had been lifted, and the thought of thousands of such people coming, invading the purity of my state, seemed suddenly a terrible thing. Still, the deed was done, we had to live with our mistake. Everyone knows that despite their statements about being moderate, modern folk, the peoples who call themselves "Texans" are really radicals, bent on subverting the Western Way of life. Such Texo-fascists, as they are commonly known, have become a blight on many a free state.
As I approached the Arrivals area of DIA, I noted groups of people, dressed unlike the others, set apart from the normal western look of civilized folk. The men wore distinctive garb, the women strove to stay close to their men in their outlandish and likely subversive outfits. I was scared, very scared, at what had been unleashed here in the simple regions of the Rocky Mountains.
A group of such folks, gathered at the curb, apart from the rest caught my eye...no, don't look at them! Quickly I drove past...where was Valmy? How would I know it was him? Luckily, his people do know about cell phones, and so I shortly found him and drove away quickly from that place – so many of that kind in one local could only lead to trouble.
As we drove, I sized up this stranger out of the corner of my eye. Cleary, he did not fit the mold of the other Texo-fascists, he seemed concerned to blend in with a more mainstream American model. While the differences were clear, it was nice to see attempts at assimilation being made. He spoke of his people and their odd ways, but I noted quickly that he never once damned their extremism or their penchant for violence. While my fear had abated somewhat, it was still very much near the surface.
We reached Laramie, and headed out for a meal. As an accommodating host, I strove to meet his cultural and religious needs by taking him to a restaurant that might serve fare he was used to. Downtown in Laramie, an old community of people related to Texicans resided, though they were different from the more recent and radical types as they had traveled north long ago for their own reasons and were properly Wyomingites now. Still, they remembered the foods of their peoples.
It did not go well. Valmy refused to eat the food as it was meant to be served. He did make a go at it, but I am certain I heard him mutter under his breath "Thees ees sheet, take eet back." The waitress, recognizing a radical, found it hard to deal with him. I felt embarrassed for the whole situation, and made sure I tipped her well so that she would know I empathized with her plight as a modern types facing a barbarian memory.
We went to my home, and made excuses to retire, as Valmy prayed before his idols to his God, whom he refers to as ENSEE, EH EH. I feared for my life and locked the door behind me. I did not sleep that night.
:lol: Awesome
:lol:
Did you beat the shit out of him and leave him tied to a fence?
Quote from: Fireblade on September 13, 2009, 12:41:42 PM
Did you beat the shit out of him and leave him tied to a fence?
:bleeding:
Quote from: Fireblade on September 13, 2009, 12:41:42 PM
Did you beat the shit out of him and leave him tied to a fence?
:D
Quote:bleeding:
:lol:
Quote from: PDH on September 13, 2009, 11:16:09 AM
It did not go well. Valmy refused to eat the food as it was meant to be served. He did make a go at it, but I am certain I heard him mutter under his breath “Thees ees sheet, take eet back.” The waitress, recognizing a radical, found it hard to deal with him. I felt embarrassed for the whole situation, and made sure I tipped her well so that she would know I empathized with her plight as a modern types facing a barbarian memory.
Zat slob you call food was a disgrace to cuisine Texain! :angry:
QuoteHe spoke of his people and their odd ways, but I noted quickly that he never once damned their extremism or their penchant for violence.
It is sad that people are disgracing Texanism by being violent but you have to understand that you simply cannot be a true Texan and be violent. We are a people of peace.
http://thinkexist.com/quotes/with/keyword/texas/ (http://thinkexist.com/quotes/with/keyword/texas/)
Some Favorites:
"All new states are invested, more or less, by a class of noisy, second-rate men who are always in favor of rash and extreme measures, but Texas was absolutely overrun by such men." - Sam Houston
"Some folks look at me and see a certain swagger, which in Texas is called "walking."" - GWB
"Saskatchewan is much like Texas- except it's more friendly to the United States" - Adlai E. Stevenson
Day Two - A Lesson Concerning Savages, and the Game
I woke on the 2nd day of Valmy's visit with perhaps more ease than I should have felt. This was quickly disabused when I entered the main room and found him on a rug, praying, facing toward (as his people are wont to do) Tyler.
You will excuse a side note here, but the customs of Texicans are interesting. We all know their basic patterns: tribalism, willingness to follow leaders who are clearly insane, not eating of the flesh of animals from Oklahoma, and so many others. However, it is their daily habits that make normal folks most uncomfortable, and point out how hard it will be to integrate such people in to proper Western Society. Take their calls for jihad, the yelling of the sacred "Huuq'emh-Ooorns" that refers to the ritual gutting of victims for the pleasure of their god, an emasculated bovine.
But back to the narrative... Valmy eventually recovered from his religious ecstasy, and the time for the game approached. I persuaded him, since we were to sit among the quiet and unassuming people who made up the Wyoming Student Section, that he should wear the trappings of honest Western folk, the Brown and Gold of the University of Wyoming. He agreed, but kept next to his heart the heathen talismans of his kind, lest he die and not go to his heaven.
The game...what can I say. It was obvious that the Texasmen were outmatched by the honorable play of Wyoming. The action centered on well-crafted movement of the ball by the Scions of the True West, but as they went ahead toward the closing of the 2nd period of play, a rumbling murmur arose from the southern stands, where the Texofascists had gathered in exclusion of others (refusing, as is their usual stance, to integrate with the locals).
"My people are upset, they will not take this kindly" Valmy said. He knew that the game was not the important thing here, the years of imagining they had been repressed made the people of the Southlands susceptible to a natural inferiority complex. Wyoming winning the game would be met with violence – perhaps burning of couches in the streets of my fair city. With sadness, I realized that my thinking was not alone. All across the stadium, from players to fans, the decency of Wyoming rose to the front and the game was given to the savage – but in our hearts we will know always that the true winners wore Brown and Gold.
The game over, Valmy and I returned home. Valmy attempted to console me with tales of other wins by his imagined great team, I simply knew the truth. When we reached my apartment, Valmy quickly caught up on the regional squabbles that plague his homeland, the incessant tribal battles that mean so much to him and his kind, and so little to the rest of the world. He chuckled at the decimation of several places, and I realized again the vast gulf that separates the civilized world from the Texican world.
Quote from: PDH on September 13, 2009, 04:30:27 PM
Take their calls for jihad, the yelling of the sacred "Huuq'emh-Ooorns"
:lol:Fucking awesome.
:lol:
You know, cruising for property out in Cheyenne and the outskirts this weekend, I'm amazed at the total amount of square footage and acreage you can get out there for your dollar.
If only I had a reason to go.
uranium.
buffalo.
oil shale.
ufos.
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on September 13, 2009, 02:40:36 PM
http://thinkexist.com/quotes/with/keyword/texas/ (http://thinkexist.com/quotes/with/keyword/texas/)
"Saskatchewan is much like Texas- except it's more friendly to the United States" - Adlai E. Stevenson
heh. the province birthed Canadian socialism. if only Americans knew.
Quote from: saskganesh on September 13, 2009, 05:57:36 PM
Quote from: Peter Wiggin on September 13, 2009, 02:40:36 PM
http://thinkexist.com/quotes/with/keyword/texas/ (http://thinkexist.com/quotes/with/keyword/texas/)
"Saskatchewan is much like Texas- except it's more friendly to the United States" - Adlai E. Stevenson
heh. the province birthed Canadian socialism. if only Americans knew.
I don't think Stevenson considered that a detriment.
Quote from: saskganesh on September 13, 2009, 05:54:54 PM
uranium.
buffalo.
oil shale.
ufos.
Peace.
Quiet.
Horses.
No goddamned female dazzling urbanite state employees in 6 year old Lexuses with Carmax decals and chrome rims, yapping on the cell phone in oversized sunglasses and long ass fingernails.
Cheyenne IS the urban capital of Wyoming too! It has 50k people!
Quote from: PDH on September 13, 2009, 07:00:27 PM
Cheyenne IS the urban capital of Wyoming too! It has 50k people!
Well you've convinced me. Cheyenne is a major urban centre. :cool:
Quote from: PDH on September 13, 2009, 07:00:27 PM
Cheyenne IS the urban capital of Wyoming too! It has 50k people!
53K!
Quote from: CountDeMoney on September 13, 2009, 06:05:09 PM
Peace.
Quiet.
Horses.
No goddamned female dazzling urbanite state employees in 6 year old Lexuses with Carmax decals and chrome rims, yapping on the cell phone in oversized sunglasses and long ass fingernails.
We have a lack of horses, but otherwise you've described the Yukon Territory. :cool:
Quote from: Barrister on September 13, 2009, 07:16:35 PM
We have a lack of horses, but otherwise you've described the Yukon Territory. :cool:
With that caveat, it also describes the inside of a coffin.
I think the most memorable part of the whole gameday experience were the Meth ads on the Jumbotron.
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fi32.photobucket.com%2Falbums%2Fd30%2Fjoeywa%2Forangebloods%2FUT%2520at%2520WY%2FP9120113.jpg&hash=e4c40e9d4f264c6ff6284b4d386fcfd74accd85a)
You gotta aim at your market.
Quote from: Valmy on September 13, 2009, 02:28:04 PM
Quote from: PDH on September 13, 2009, 11:16:09 AM
It did not go well. Valmy refused to eat the food as it was meant to be served. He did make a go at it, but I am certain I heard him mutter under his breath "Thees ees sheet, take eet back." The waitress, recognizing a radical, found it hard to deal with him. I felt embarrassed for the whole situation, and made sure I tipped her well so that she would know I empathized with her plight as a modern types facing a barbarian memory.
Zat slob you call food was a disgrace to cuisine Texain! :angry:
Personally, I consider it a faux pas to take someone from out of town to a restaurant that matches their cultural identity.
I've actually always been interested in the "local take" on American cuisine. In the UK and Italy I found everything matched perfectly, aside from some of the weird sandwiches the McDonalds in Genoa offered.
In truth, seeing as how Valmy is from Austin, to match his cultural identity I would have had to taken him to a vegan restaurant - thank god those are illegal in Wyoming.
The Village Inn logos are top shelf.
What's the scoop on the METH, seriously?
It would say "METH!!!! for, oh, a minute and a half...then say "not even once" for about 2 seconds...
Quote from: PDH on September 14, 2009, 07:28:05 AM
It would say "METH!!!! for, oh, a minute and a half...then say "not even once" for about 2 seconds...
:lol: Infoganda fail.