I met up with a friend of mine from university earlier today.
Its the first time I've seen her for a fair few months so we had a lot of catching up to do and then generally just talked about random crap.
It turns out she's not studying this semester and for the past few weeks has been working a internship in Stockholm (today was a rare escape for her). Though its been good in some ways in others it's been...not so much. The main negative being something I've long feared myself.
The real world.
In university you're basically in one big adult creche. You're forced together with a bunch of other people of the same age and in a similar life situation to you- you've both been dumped in this strange town where you don't know anyone.
Its easy to meet people and crack with them, the entire setup of university is just geared towards this.
But the working environment?
Just how do you manage things when moving to a new city where you don't know anyone for work?
Your coworkers are pretty much the only people you're forced together with but they can come from a wide variety of age groups and life situations and most of them are already fully settled in the city. Also the expression "Don't shit in your bed" somewhat comes to mind here
So I beseech you elders of languish. Just how the hell did you do it?
(https://languish.org/forums/proxy.php?request=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.camulos.com%2FVirtual%2Fwall.jpg&hash=0ff93dbbaf40b425add897ca4e45689e27215766)
Meet coworkers. Meet friends of coworkers. Meet the friends of friends of coworkers.
Live in a shared house, then it's basically a continuation of university, but with new people. Also try to get work in a biggish city - that way, some of your university friends will still be within travelling distance, with even the possibility of crossing paths with some old associates by chance
if you work in a field and have a career, I think it's just like being in a bigger creche.
if it's just a jobjob, people don't stick. just an endless succession of faces and personalities, some memorable, most replaceable.
socially, if you are new in.a place, you gotta put a little more work into it. knowing ONE person in town beforehand opens up a whole new network of people. otherwise, join a club, take a class, hang out in a certain bar... that kind of thing. and learn to talk to strangers.
How the hell should I know? I don't even know how my fake world works.
You try to bang all your friends' coworkers.
In the real world, settling in a new city is the least of your worries.
Quote from: Monoriu on September 07, 2009, 07:17:17 PM
In the real world, settling in a new city is the least of your worries.
:huh:
Retirement, garbon.
Quote from: Grey Fox on September 07, 2009, 07:47:30 PM
Retirement, garbon.
Seems weird to make that one's first priority when one might not even live that long.
It's Mono.
When I was in university, the most pressing and most urgent problem was to find a job. When that was solved, the matters that occupied my minds were -
Accumulate enough money to buy a flat;
How to invest the money;
How to please the bosses;
Whether I could pass probation;
And yes, retirement :P
Compared with the above, settling in a new city, how to make friends etc are non-issues. I've done my share of settling in a new city (Vancouver). It is no big deal. Finding a job is a big deal. Securing the money to buy a flat and to retire are big deals.
Quote from: Grey Fox on September 07, 2009, 07:47:30 PM
Retirement, garbon.
Incidentally, now that I've solved the problems of finding a job, passing probation, and buying a flat, retirement *is* my biggest worry. I've been reading a lot lately. The more I read, the more depressed I become.
One thing I learned is that planning for averages is useless. You don't build a structure that can withstand average wind speeds. You build it to withstand the worst wind speeds anticipated.
Another thing is, average returns are meaningless. For the sake of argument, let's say in a 30 year period, on average, you get 15 good years and 15 bad. But you can't plan retirement based on the average of those 30 years. Because the order that they happen is of extreme importance. If you get 15 bad years in a row immediately after retirement, the portfolio will be so diminished that the subsequent 15 good years are meaningless.
Right now I'm starting to go into: accumulate enough money to buy a flat; except replace "flat" by house.
Quote from: Grey Fox on September 07, 2009, 08:42:27 PM
Right now I'm starting to go into: accumulate enough money to buy a flat; except replace "flat" by house.
It is not as easy as that, I found. If you put your mind to living below your means, very soon your bank account will be flooded. And then you wake up in the middle of the night because you begin to worry about things like inflation and stock market crashes. Having money is not without its worries.
Then you gotta make decisions on how much money do you want to spend, where to buy, when to buy, etc. These decisions will affect the rest of your life. You only have one shot, and you have to make it count.
I have no fucking idea.
Quote from: Monoriu on September 07, 2009, 08:49:42 PM
It is not as easy as that, I found. If you put your mind to living below your means, very soon your bank account will be flooded. And then you wake up in the middle of the night because you begin to worry about things like inflation and stock market crashes. Having money is not without its worries.
Then you gotta make decisions on how much money do you want to spend, where to buy, when to buy, etc. These decisions will affect the rest of your life. You only have one shot, and you have to make it count.
Of course, you could always tone down the crazy.
I'm kinda in the same boat, but with school. Kind of easier for me because of school and all.... But really I was very open with the fact that I didn't know anybody and if anyone's doing anything...
Some people respond favorably, other people look at you funny. :lol:
Conclusion though, I'm getting out and meeting people. :cool:
Just put yourself out there to the singles near you at work, or start joining random stuff that somewhat interests you or you might be good at. For instance I joined a run club here on campus, don't particularly enjoy it all that much, but I'm good at it. :unsure:
How does the real world work? It's pretty simple. After you get out of school, you spend a number of years doing work that you don't particularly like with people you don't particularly like, for pay which you don't think is high enough. Eventually, you die, and a hundred years later, everyone that you have ever known and cared about is dead and no-one remembers you.
I've heard you can usually make new friends in public parks late at night, gas stations, bus depots, truck stops, restrooms, etc.
In university, the professor tells you to go left, you go left, and he'll give you an A.
In the real world, the boss tells you to go left. If you go left, come back and tell the boss that you wrecked the car and he is responsible, he'll kill you.
If you scout ahead, find out that he is wrong, then come back and tell him that, he'll still kill you.
What you need to do is to praise his infinite wisdom, then go right, and tell everybody that he was right all along.
Quote from: Monoriu on September 07, 2009, 08:32:41 PM
Whether I could pass probation;
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
Quote from: Jaron on September 08, 2009, 01:46:02 AM
Quote from: Monoriu on September 07, 2009, 08:32:41 PM
Whether I could pass probation;
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
Noun
Singular
probation
Plural
probations
probation (plural probations)
A period of time when a person occupies a position only conditionally and may easily be removed for poor performance
You'll be on probation for first six months. After that, if you work out, they'll hire you permanently.
Quote from: Monoriu on September 08, 2009, 01:56:29 AM
Quote from: Jaron on September 08, 2009, 01:46:02 AM
Quote from: Monoriu on September 07, 2009, 08:32:41 PM
Whether I could pass probation;
Don't do the crime if you can't do the time.
Noun
Singular
probation
Plural
probations
probation (plural probations)
A period of time when a person occupies a position only conditionally and may easily be removed for poor performance
You'll be on probation for first six months. After that, if you work out, they'll hire you permanently.
a trial period during which an offender has time to redeem himself or herself
:contract:
Quote from: Monoriu on September 08, 2009, 01:27:24 AM
In university, the professor tells you to go left, you go left, and he'll give you an A.
In the real world, the boss tells you to go left. If you go left, come back and tell the boss that you wrecked the car and he is responsible, he'll kill you.
If you scout ahead, find out that he is wrong, then come back and tell him that, he'll still kill you.
What you need to do is to praise his infinite wisdom, then go right, and tell everybody that he was right all along.
Sorry, but I don't buy this.
Quote from: garbon on September 08, 2009, 02:34:22 AM
Sorry, but I don't buy this.
Well, I probably would have said the same thing 7 or 8 years ago :lol:
Quote from: dps on September 07, 2009, 11:57:34 PM
How does the real world work? It's pretty simple. After you get out of school, you spend a number of years doing work that you don't particularly like with people you don't particularly like, for pay which you don't think is high enough. Eventually, you die, and a hundred years later, everyone that you have ever known and cared about is dead and no-one remembers you.
If you're lucky a grandchild will name a kid after you, if you have a cool name. :hug:
Quote from: Monoriu on September 07, 2009, 08:32:41 PM
When I was in university, the most pressing and most urgent problem was to find a job. When that was solved, the matters that occupied my minds were -
True, getting a job is the big obvious and immediate fear.
But its one which books have been written on the subject of solving. Its not a sneaky little hidden problem. Also once its sorted its sorted. If you've no life though then that can last for...err...life.
Quote from: Tyr on September 08, 2009, 06:26:53 AM
True, getting a job is the big obvious and immediate fear.
But its one which books have been written on the subject of solving. Its not a sneaky little hidden problem. Also once its sorted its sorted. If you've no life though then that can last for...err...life.
I don't get it. Books have been written about getting a social life, getting friends, settling in new cities etc too. But you know what, without a job and a source of income, your prospects of finding decent friends and "getting a life" aren't terribly good. Get your priorities right.
Quote from: Tyr on September 08, 2009, 06:26:53 AMIf you've no life though then that can last for...err...life.
You should have made more friends while you had the chance. Now it's too late. :(
Quote from: Monoriu on September 08, 2009, 06:59:16 AM
I don't get it. Books have been written about getting a social life, getting friends, settling in new cities etc too. But you know what, without a job and a source of income, your prospects of finding decent friends and "getting a life" aren't terribly good. Get your priorities right.
Except this is a situation where the job is already sorted.
Quote from: Monoriu on September 08, 2009, 01:27:24 AM
In university, the professor tells you to go left, you go left, and he'll give you an A.
In the real world, the boss tells you to go left. If you go left, come back and tell the boss that you wrecked the car and he is responsible, he'll kill you.
If you scout ahead, find out that he is wrong, then come back and tell him that, he'll still kill you.
What you need to do is to praise his infinite wisdom, then go right, and tell everybody that he was right all along.
I'd like to say that this is what's wrong with the public sector, but I think it's more an example of what's wrong with Chinese culture.
Quote from: Tyr on September 08, 2009, 07:18:11 AM
Except this is a situation where the job is already sorted.
Excellent. Why didn't you say so?
Then what exactly is the problem?
In a job you may make some friends, but most will likely be work friends that you don't do stuff outside of work with. If you work in an environment with many people your age and place in life, then you may make more friends. In other places with a more varied/diverse workers of all ages, married with kids, etc, people are busy so you may not have as much chance for outside work friends. That just depends, like any social interaction. You'll want to do activities outside work that you enjoy, health club, or other hobbies, and meet people there. It will be a big change from University life, but you'll get used to it and be fine.
The real world doesn't really work, it just "happens", one minute at a time.
Methinks that if you even need to ask this question, you're going to have serious issues adjusting.
Quote from: Caliga on September 08, 2009, 08:46:07 AM
Methinks that if you even need to ask this question, you're going to have serious issues adjusting.
Actually, I wondered this same thing too - the way you meet people at university is so different to 'the real world', what does one do outside of the big kindergarten for adults? And I know people who've really struggled to adjust - they keep in their university cliques even four years after graduation.
Tyr: making friends at work can happen, and they can be very good friends too. But it is difficult to count upon it, for reasons given by others here. Other than that, the best way to make new friends is get out there and meet people. Join clubs. Start a hobby you have to do in a group. Join a sports team. Go to parties: outside of university, friends of friends are the easiest way to meet new people.
Get ALL the PUSSY you can while at school. It won't be there for you once you get out! (well, it will be, you just won't have much of a chance of meeting it).
Quote from: Strix on September 08, 2009, 09:04:02 AM
Get ALL the PUSSY you can while at school. It won't be there for you once you get out! (well, it will be, you just won't have much of a chance of meeting it).
:yes:
Quote from: Strix on September 08, 2009, 09:04:02 AM
Get ALL the PUSSY you can while at school. It won't be there for you once you get out! (well, it will be, you just won't have much of a chance of meeting it).
Man I found it far easier to get pussy out of school. Having a job and stuff really helped. I envy you guys that actually got some action in school. When I was in college the women just wasted my time really.
Quote from: Strix on September 08, 2009, 09:04:02 AM
Get ALL the PUSSY you can while at school. It won't be there for you once you get out! (well, it will be, you just won't have much of a chance of meeting it).
It is indeed much, much easier to meet women in university than otherwise. And of course for women to meet men likewise.
In the olden days, pre-feminism, that was a large part of the point for women going to uni (the "M.R.S. Degree").
Quote from: Malthus on September 08, 2009, 09:13:12 AM
In the olden days, pre-feminism, that was a large part of the point for women going to uni (the "M.R.S. Degree").
This is still true. It just with feminism around they will try to get another degree also.
to meet women at any age, you just need some time, interest and money.
Quote from: Monoriu on September 08, 2009, 06:59:16 AM
Quote from: Tyr on September 08, 2009, 06:26:53 AM
True, getting a job is the big obvious and immediate fear.
But its one which books have been written on the subject of solving. Its not a sneaky little hidden problem. Also once its sorted its sorted. If you've no life though then that can last for...err...life.
I don't get it. Books have been written about getting a social life, getting friends, settling in new cities etc too. But you know what, without a job and a source of income, your prospects of finding decent friends and "getting a life" aren't terribly good. Get your priorities right.
sure. friends are a very valuable piece of the network for getting work. since you have had one job your whole life (and no friends?), you don't appreciate the financial value of friendship.
Quote from: saskganesh on September 08, 2009, 09:40:09 AM
to meet women at any age, you just need some time, interest and money.
True enough. The problem with post-uni is that time and money tend to be somewhat mutually exclusive. ;)